Parent Refuses to Help with College.?

Question

My mother has recently told me that she hates my personality and thinks I'm a loser. This was followed, quite abruptly, with her declaring she will NOT help me in any way whatsoever with college. She earns 190,000 a year, so financial aid is limited. I am sure that from an objective point-of-view, I am far from a failure. I have a 3.98 GPA, have consistently taken AP and Honors classes, am in NHS, am Editor-in-Chief of newspaper, am President of my high school’s Amnesty International, VP of Model UN, President of Lit. Club, Secretary of Key Club, play Varsity Lacrosse, and have continuously made trips back to China in order to promote awareness regarding the social stratification that exists there.

This whole thing was quite sudden and I just finished junior year. I don't have any means to really recover.

Any advice on how, exactly, to manage myself would be appreciated.

Btw, I have no contact w/my biological father, who is somewhere in China.

EDIT: I don't think this will simply "blow over". Our relationship has been rushing towards this for a very, very long time. She has blamed me for her several unhappy marriages and blames me still for eliciting within her a feeling of “confinement” and “repression”. She has blatantly stated within recent YEARS that she considers me a “loser” and that I will invariably “move back into the house” after receiving a college education. She has now declared that since I cannot comprehend or, for that matter, appreciate the strife she went through to come to this country, I do not deserve her help. She has refused to assist me with my tuition. My stepfather does not see it as his responsibility and, overall, would much rather stay on my mother’s good side. I do have a job working part-time at a restaurant on the weekends, but I only earn enough to pay for insurance and gas. If I had known I would be in this sort of situation right now, I would have gotten another job for support.

EDIT EDIT: I think you can understand how unprepared I was for my mother’s allegations, especially since there is no conflict of ideology, no conflict regarding priority, no conflict with crime/drug use. Only a conflict of perspective. She dislikes my personality, has told me so, and bemoans the fact that I think too much in “theory” and too little “in solvency”. Whenever I move to talk about literature or attempt to engage her in a conversation about politics and reform, things that are important to me, she dismisses it as “talking stupid”. Why? I have no idea. I have since ceased my efforts to have even a marginally profound discussion with her. She thinks I lack drive and that I don't "understand her".

Answer 1

Wow. Sorry to hear that.

Given your GPA and your record of accomplishments, you should be looking into scholarships and initiating meetings with your school guidance counselors to explore your options. With your accomplishments you will make it through college with or without your mother's help. Is there any possibility that this will blow over with her?

Most people that make that much money would be embarrassed to not help their kid through college if they are being reasonably cooperative.

How much truth do you sense that there is to what she says? Do you have a lot of conflicts with others or is her opinion of you out in left field in comparison with most others?

Answer 2

I'm sorry about your difficult home situation. I hope somehow things work out.

To answer your question, do some research online and at your local library about private scholarships from foundations, corporations etc. You'd be surprised at the amount of scholarship money that's out there even from obscure sources (some have very specific requirements like a specific area of interest or nationality even hair color!) that many people aren't aware of so you have a decent shot at getting them if you qualify. I'm sure someone with your solid academic background should be able to find something.

Best of luck.

Answer 3

Somebody put together a pretty exhaustive FAQ on this:

http://www.finaid.org/otheraid/parentsrefuse.phtml

Your mom sounds like she is mentally ill. Most parents who have a kid like you would would not predict let alone tell you you're going to be a loser who moves back home after college.

You could ask her to go to family counseling.

I was in a similar situation myself, but the rules were slightly different at the time, but unlike you, I had been a bum in high school with a 2.22. I managed to get through on financial aid and even went on and got a masters and now teach college. I also have $100K in student loan debt, but that's another story.

Answer 4

All of the above responses - you have our sympathy. I can't imagine talking to my child like this. Anyway - find the scholorships - if your the newspaper editor, you'll write well :-). What you don't get in scholorships - get in loans. You may be in debt - but you'll be free :-)

Answer 5

sounds like without a doubt you will be getting scholorships. You sound ideal for what colleges look for