He is 17,goes to college and lies to me most of the time.He went missing two weeks ago,Told police after 24 hours.He turned up and was given a telling off by the police for wasting their time.He has a phone but turns it off so we cant ring him.I,m affraid that he might be up to no good.I try to talk to him about anything he wants to talk about,but he just won,t talk to me.
2007-06-22 18:26:27 · 8 answers · asked by fedup 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The next time you DO talk to him, just tell him that you won't bother calling him anymore, but, if he needs to talk, he knows where you are. Then, as hard as it may be, leave him alone. He will come around eventually. I had 5 kids, and went through this teenage crap with 3 of them. As long as they know that you will always be there for them, it will be ok. All my kids turned out just fine, and now we are closer than ever!
2007-06-22 19:00:04 · answer #1 · answered by che_rae_gra53 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, now that summer is here hopefully he is back home with you. Over the summer I would talk to him about his behavior and tell him in no uncertain terms that if he continues to behave irresponsibly he can pay for his own school or leave college, come back home and get a job. Hopefully, you don't try to call him too often so he's feeling pressured. I'm assuming that is not the case. So, tell him to leave his phone on and you expect your calls to be returned if he is unable to answer the phone right away. Don't call him too much or he'll continue to pull away. He's already pulling away, but if you are footing the bills he owes you a return call. Hopefully over the summer he will have a job or you have him painting the house or something to keep him out of trouble and using up some of that energy!! Paint the house together. Turn on the radio and go to town. You'll naturally laugh and start talking. Sit under a tree at lunch time with homemade sandwiches and lemonade and talk some more. You don't have to talk heavy all the time, just have more fun together.
2007-06-22 18:37:20 · answer #2 · answered by gma 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't completely agree with ignoring them or saying "I'm here if you need me," and then leaving them to do whatever they want. He wants to see you care, but you have to show you are in his corner and not fighting him. Don't let the first words every day be negative, a reprimand, or "instructions." Try to spend some quality time doing something he likes. In Dallas, there is a place you can go to drive scaled down drag racers (The long, thin rail cars). There's no parenting allowed, just having fun! DON'T argue whatever you do. Just make it an outing for him and a time to bond. If you can bond with him initially on his terms, you can get him to open up (in time) and he will talk to you when he feels like he won't be judged and reprimanded for sharing. Guide him, but don't belittle him.
There has to be rules and he needs to follow them. You may not realize it, but kids are looking for structure, normalcy in a family. A time to sit down to eat together at the table. If they don't sit, they don't eat. Simple rules, but effective. But, the whole day can't be TELLING him what he needs to do, what he isn't doing, what he should be doing. Don't use things against him, like you will take his college away. He probably doesn't want to be there anyway and you just show you aren't supporting him or his decisions.
You need to let him know that you are his parent, you're not trying to control his life, but just help him to avoid troubles that you've already been through. You love him enough to try to warn him and only want his best. Let him know that you support him and always will, and that you love him!
2015-01-24 06:04:54 · answer #3 · answered by In God We Trust 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in the same boat....If you are a hard-*** you run the risk of loosing him forever, run away etc....if not then ya feel like you aren't teaching him skills he needs later on in life.
Whose paying his bills? Are you willing to risk him running off again by setting limits? If you pay the cell you have the right to expect him to return your call. If he is willing to foot the bill then you can't expect him to answer BUT then you may need to negotiate other benefits he has: housing, college etc.
You may not be willing to finance his lifestyle if he is so unwilling to respect your parent/son relationship. If you are paying college costs, time to reconsider. If he only has a year left and is doing well, are you able to survive until his "weirdness" is over? Is it reasonable to cut-off all finances and expect him to finish school in the area you live in? Can you set aside a time to just "be" together and maybe not talk or is the realtionship really "broken"?
Good luck.
2007-06-22 19:28:25 · answer #4 · answered by atheleticman_fan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go with him to a psychologist. Kids usually hold more than the basic issue. Talk to him and tell him you are concerned. Get a third person involved such as a psychologist to help you guys open up and have communication going. Deal with it now, so this habbit does not grow. Then you can set up rules that he cannot go missing like that without informing you, etc. It will allow you to get more control. You have to get him to trust you. Perhaps having someone else show him that you are concenred and you are looking for his best interset will wake him up.
2007-06-22 19:20:39 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok first of all, pray for him, it is the only way to truely reach him. Next get on his level, find out what is inside of him that is causing him to act this way. Take a look around what kind of environment does he live in. Is he always exposed at terrible things. Tell him you understand how he feels, if he does not like that, then tell him you will find him some help.
You can find him a counselor to talk to, he may not be open to that at first, but if he goes he will open up eventually. Also you can have him email me and we can try to get to the bottom of this. I am a college student, and I am getting a master's degree in Counselor Education. I am more than willing to help. I love adolescents and I understand them, better than most people because I can get on their level and understand what they are goign through. I have experienced a lot in my life, which God is using for me to help others, so at least suggest that he email me. It can be completely annonommous, I dont care who he is, if he needs help and comes to me, I am ready to help in any way I can. So you can let me know what is going on and if I can help you. My email is teenhelp911@yahoo.com
2007-06-22 18:42:30 · answer #6 · answered by teenhelp911 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you are paying his bills in college, then you have a lot of influence over his way of life. Make those payments for his college education conditional on his good behavior and on his respect, honesty, and openness with you.
He has to get used this kind of treatment anyway. When he finishes college and gets a job. Then no boss is going to tolerate from him lying and bad behavior.
It's your duty as a parent to prepare him for adult life. Or else he'll have to learn the hard way from strangers who have no sympathy for him.
2007-06-22 18:37:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Most kids that age are jerks anyways. Just be pantient because your son has to learn about the balls life throws at you. And one day your son will realize that you are the person whom he can trust and will come to you and talk to you about anything.
I was a bad kid to my mom during my teen years, and now I consider my mom my only best friend.
Good luck to you.
2007-06-22 18:40:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋