Is this pregnancy right? Adults Only seriously.?

Question

I'm just gonna be straight up so if you can't handle this just leave now, you are weak if you have to answer harshly/obnoxiously.
That said, I have been dating my b/f for over 2 yrs., living together over 6 mnths, my family loves and accepts him, and we are pretty stable for 29 (him) and 21 (me). Even on BIRTH CONTROL (I put emphasis on this b/c we are not a reckless couple, we always knew kids are no joke) I am currently 7 wks. pregnant. We r behavin as if we're keeping it (I'm applying for medicaid, he gave me #'s to 3 reputable OB-GYN's and we literally went to Barnes and Noble for three hours reading about pregnancy and parenting) but we are both in doubt and abortion is an option. We r realistic and knew we wouldn't marry, we're simply together and content. We could do this maturely and civilized but we're not sure if we're the ones to have a child together. I am young but that's not my fear, I am just worried he's not "the one" you know? Is it wise to have this baby? Opinions?

DId I not warn you ignorant and oblivious users to leave if you can't handle this topic?? Everyone has their situations and this is mine. I am reporting rude answers. I hope your accounts get deleted because obviously you can't handle adult topics and realistic situations.

Adoption is not an option people, sorry, If I'm going to go through with this pregnancy we will be a family. Enough said.

THANK YOU MOM OF 2 for a real answer, I really do appreciate it. I think I found my best answer.

txharleygirl1 you are a trip. That's a horror story. I don't know what does go on with abortions but I'll bet money that that doesn't happen with everyone. She wasn't given anesthetics and I've read about it, they use vaccums and pills, etc. That was just straight tragic for her.

Answer 1

You should definitely write it all down and put alot of thinking into this. I know we dont have to tell you that having a baby changes your life forever. Just be sure you're ready to handle that.

Also, every pregnant woman has this doubt in the beginning. Both of my children were planned but I still had a freaking out period right after I found out that I was pregnant both times.

Answer 2

First of all, Id like to commend you for being so responsible in the first place. There are so many women out there who sleep around and then abort or adopt their babies out because they dont want to face the consequences of their actions. I am not a supporter of abortion, but i do believe every woman has a right to make thier own choices (I just hate it when people use it as a form of birth control). This is a decision that you and your boyfriend have to make together. Just you and him, nobody else, because this is going to affect you two the most.
I'm not going to tell you what to do but rather help you with decision making ideas.
First, you have to figure out how you and him feel about each other and if you are willing to be together long term (18+ years!) if you want to be a family. You also need to sort out your feelings about this baby. Will you love it as much as a baby should be loved or do you think you will harbor feelings of resentment towards him/her for taking away your freedom? Also, you have to be very aware of your financial situation. Medicaid only goes so far and if you two are not married, he will likely have to pay back a good amount of what they paid for you. That doesnt always happen (it didnt happen to my bf) but it does happen to some. You also have to be very mature and responsible (as it sounds you already are) because this is another life and this other life depends on you. Are you ready for such a huge responsibility?
My baby was not planned. I had known her father for years before her, but we had only been dating 4 months when we conceived. I was shocked to say the least, but it got easier once I started growing and feeling her move. I never would have aborted my baby, but believe me, the idea had crossed my mind. After I felt her kick for the first time, I was ashamed I had even toyed with the idea. Once you realize its a real live thing inside you and not just something thats making you fat : ) you can not believe the amount of love you feel for that baby. I have never experienced anything like it. I am so grateful each and every day for my daughter and after having her, I definitely want to have more. Again, I'm not trying to convince you to do one thing or the other. That last bit was just my experience. the decision is totally up to you. Best of luck and I hope I helped.

Answer 3

People kill me I SWEAR!!! People pass judgement wayyy too easy..i bet they are all wack jobs. I will tell you my situation when i became pregnant...I was totally careless...no condom...no birth control..no nothing (and Im old enough to know better! I was 22 he was 26) I had been good friends with my boyfriend for years but only dating for a while. I got pregnant one of the first few times we had sex and he already has 3 kids from a previous marriage. I moved in with him shortly after i found out because I needed a place to stay. I had no intentions on staying for good..just to get on my feet. We got really comfortable with eachother and soon enough were in love. He took good care of me, and while we still have no plans on getting married...we have a happy home. Happier than probably 95% of married couples. We have two beautiful 7 month old baby boys (I had twins...scary huh?) I felt the same way you did in the beginning...and while I am totally not against abortions, I just felt like I am old enough to be responsible for another human being..it just felt right. I dont regret any of it.

My advice for you girl..go for the "family" while its not the nuclear family that everyone dreams of...its still a family. You wont be able to imagine how close you guys will become over the course of the pregnancy. If it doesnt work out there is nothing out there saying that you cant be a single mom!!!
You will love being a mom..my babies truely make my world!
Congrats on the baby!!!

Answer 4

i hear ya on the obnoxious/harsh answers. people just have nothing better to do than to judge each other. anyways, i cant really say i have an opinion, because after reading your question i still dont know what i would do if i were in your shoes. first of all, you have to ask yourself if you want to be tied to this man for the rest of your life, "the one or not". cause thats the way it will be. and if you stay together and raise this baby...are you going to resent each other? should your baby witness that resentment? if youre not in love you shouldnt just be together to raise the baby...your child wont have the benefit of seeing what love can be like. i do have to say that honestly i am against abortion except for cases of rape or serious health concerns, but at the same time ive never had that decision to make so who knows what i would do. at the same time, i wholeheartedly agree about your decision not to put baby up for adoption...if i carried a child for 9 months i could never give it away. anways i hope i helped...sorry i couldnt say what you should do...but really how could i? your heart will tell you what to do.

Answer 5

I'm a wife and mother of 5 and will be having more. I know your hormonal right now and maybe morning or all-day sickness hasn't kicked in yet, but at this point I would like to re-direct your thinking just a little. Asking is it wise to have a baby after it is conceived is too late. It is the decisions that came before this one that weren't wise. You're not the first, nor will you be the last. I'm saying that to say this, although your fears are valid you never said you loved him or he loved you. That love would lead to a committed, stable, solid relationship for a child to be born into. And you state you're pretty stable, but you're applying for Medicaid? Sweetie that's not stable, that makes you dependent. I speak from experience when I say, that the father you would choose for your child at 21 may not be the choice you'd make when you're 35.

Answer 6

You are in an interesting place in your life, it seems. You are pregnant with a man you are happy with but dont want to stay with, and dont know what to do about it. Considering abortion...I know that for some people it is the right thing, but think really hard. At seven weeks your baby already has a heartbeat and a thought process, she is a person. She also has pain receptors, and no ability to pass out do to pain like adults do. They give the mother anesthesia, not the baby. She did not chose the life she would be brought to, but I know I would rather live in a split family (as I do) then not live at all. That bieng said my split family is a very happy one, my sisters and I are all well adjusted and it is not nearly so miserable as the other woman made it sound.
You said adoption is not an option...I understand your point of view, but look at it as solid facts; I cant give my baby away but I can kill her because its more convienient. I'm sorry if that sounds rude but I dont know any other way to put it.
It sounds like you guys already have a wonderful start to providing your child a wonderful stable home, or perhaps too. She will have two loving wonderful parents who take care of her, and made the difficult discision to do the best they could for her to give her a wonderful life.
I hope you do not take offence at anything I said, but do take it to heart and consider it.

Answer 7

I believe in abortion, as long as it isn't used as birth control.
The fact is people in a loving relationship are going to have sex, married or not. All you can do is take every precaution available and be ready for the things that do happen. Since you weren't really prepared for this, although you do sound very mature and responsible, you need to make a decision quickly. I believe that you only have until 12 weeks if you decide to terminate the pregnancy.

I (kind of) know how you feel. I have been in a similar situation and it was hard to make a decision. I was on birth control, always and it happened anyway. Applied for medicaid, read up on it, etc. but I also spent alot of time thinking about the what if's that they don't tell you about in books and such. I knew I wanted to be with my boyfriend forever, and we did end up marrying. But at the time I wasn't sure what was going to happen... I chose abortion and I haven't looked back. I know it was the right decision for me and my husband at the time.

I know many people will say you should keep the baby and if you can't, give it up for abortion. Well, as I see it, there are too many kids out there without homes today. Too many kids in foster care that don't have homes and will never be adopted. Many of them will never get over it and will never recover from the lonelyness, questions, and abandonment feelings they had growing up without a real family. Why have a child just to put them through that if you cannot raise them? (Doesn't sound like that is a thought in your situation, but still it is a major arguement from people who oppose abortion and to me it just doesn't make sense)

Then there are kids who are raised in split families. I don't think that is fair at all, and if you aren't certain about the future, and the future your child will have I honestly think it is best not to have a child. That is just my personal opinion.

Having sex was your choice, getting pregnant wasn't. But you also have a choice whether to continue with your pregnancy or not, and only you can make that decision.

Just a word of advice, IF you do make the decision to not go through with this pregnancy, don't call one of those phone numbers in the front of the phonebook under "abortion" "pregnancy" etc. Most of those places are run by people who don't care about your life or choices, they are purely against abortion and they will do nothing but make you feel horrible and guilty. It's an absolute shame that places like that even exist, only to make it harder on someone who already has a tough decision to make. Talk to the person at medicaid instead.

I know this is a hard decision, talk to your boyfriend and make the decision that makes the most sense for you and your boyfriend, your situation, and your future.

*Just a side note, the above desciption of an abortion was nothing like what I went through. I do not know why her sister had to go back again, and I wonder how far along the baby was at the time. It IS painful, and it is a horrible experience (knowing what was going on), but if you believe it was the right decision, I don't think you will later regret it. (I don't think you would regret having the baby either, most people don't! You just have to decide how you would want to raise your children, and if you can do so in your current, and future situation )

Again though, my experience was not like that- blood everywhere, the baby, etc. That is what they do, and it does hurt and there is cramping afterwards, that's why I know it isn't something to be taken lightly.
And I know it may seem like I am pushing abortion, but that is not the case at all. Abortion is still legal (in most states anyway) and it is still a choice you can make. If someone doesn't believe in it, and doesn't think it's right, I understand. Nobody likes the idea, and nobody wants to do it, but some people (like myself) think that raising a child in a home without two parents who love each other and are commited to each other and raising a family, is worse. So believe me, I know abortion is a sad thing, but there are (to me) sadder things.

So again, I am not trying to push you in either direction, just giving my experience and my reasons for the choice I made. People who disagree with abortions will always disagree, because they think it is wrong in any situation, whether it is the right choice for you or not. You said it was an option for you, so you should hear a little from someone who has had an abortion, and who doesn't regret it.

Answer 8

hi, this is probably the hardest decision you will ever make, i to was in your position 3 years ago, i wasn't sure which way to turn all the good advise in the world wont give you the answers your looking for, in your heart you no what is right for you it wont be easy and what ever way you decide to go you will always wonder if it was the right thing to have done but you don't sound daft so I'm sure you will think hard about it,the one thing i will say is don't let people make your mind up for you or let there criticism get you down there not you so don't no how you feel...make the decision for you and be sure its what you want..take care i hope you find the answers your looking for

Answer 9

A baby is a beautiful gift. They are very trying. I have a 9 month old, and unfortunately he was born with kidney failure. I don't know if you are religious or not, but I heard something that helped me-if God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it. In my opinion, you have been chosen to be a mommy and you can handle it! I know that once you feel those little kicks and then the day that baby first looks at you-you will not want to give him back for nothin! It is ok not to be married-the important thing is that the baby feels love, before he/she is born and after. Best of luck to you in your decision.

Answer 10

I agree with 'mom of two' as well, I got pregnant at 17 and was completley freaked out, I was going to have an abortion but changed my mind, and it was the best decision I have ever made, babies give you so much love and everyday will be better than the last.

Long story short, I'm 37 weeks pregnant again and although I'm 20 and this would be my second, I still freaked out to begin with.

My advice - buy some baby clothes they are SOOOOO damm cute.