plz answer this i really need help :(?

Question

when i was 5 my dad hit my brother and mom alot really bad one day he hit my bro and i told my mom the ploice handcuffing my dad infront of me he went away 4 a while then i lived with my momshe was horrible she would have mean punishment i interupeted her one day and she threw a saltshakker at my head and my mouth was bloody and chipped my tooth my dad payed 4 it to be fixed but it hurt like hell, she did alot of stuff like that but the worst was when my step-dad hit me she didn't stop him he was huge i was 9 years old and for 3 years i had to deal with it and go to school like nothing was wrong well all this time i was never said anythingthen we lived in a house and she hit me i stayedup one night and thoughtwhat have i done wrong to make her hate me and then i thought its not my fault so i called my dad and now i live with him prob is that nowshe calls me and says she loves me and i feel bad cus i never want to talk to her again but she mymom should i forgive i'm 13 and confused help

Answer 1

I UNDERSTAND YOUR DELIMMA! I HAD AN ABUSIVE DAD WHO WAS ON DRUGS. KEEP IN MIND, YOU ARE GETTING OLDER AND YOU MUST NOT ALLOW PEOPLE TO HURT YOU PHYSICALLY OR MENTALLY EVER.

ONLY YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS!

Yes, she is your mom and you MUST ALWAYS RESPECT HER...NO MATTER WHAT; however, DO NOT ALLOW HER TO HURT YOU AGAIN. YOU HAVE TO BE THE 'BETTER' PERSON BY ONLY SPEAKING TO HER WHEN SHE IS NICE. IF SHE BECOMES VIOLENT FOR NO REASON, YOU ARE TO LEAVE HER PRESENCE AND SEEK A FAMILY MEMBER OR A POLICE MAN FOR HELP.

Never, ever, should you return her hitting! IT IS NEVER OK TO 'HIT' ANYONE, FAMILY OR NOT!

By your telling someone, you will be protecting yoursef, and if it is the police, you will have a record of the offense. YOU DO HAVE RIGHTS, EVEN AS A CHILD, NOT TO BE HIT ~~ IF YOU ARE SURE IT IS NOT FOR A GOOD REASON!

My guess is that your mom has 'her' problems and is unable to handle her emotions and strikes out at you or ANYONE that cannot protect themselves. IT IS TOUGH; YET, YOU MUST TRY TO CONTINUE TO LOVE HER. SHE IS THE ONLY MOM YOU WILL EVER HAVE IN LIFE. I am glad you are with your DAD now. It will give you a chance to 'forgive' your mom if you are not subject to her angry fits. NO, YOU WILL NEVER FORGET, but you need to forgive her for your 'own' mental sake. IT IS HARDER TO HOLD A GRUDGE ON THOSE WHO OFFEND US, THAN TO LET IT GO AND ''STAY'' CLEAR OF THEIR PROBLEMS (WHEN THEY ARE MOST LIKELY TO HURT US.)

NO, if you do not feel like you want to talk to her, then don't. If you can handle conversing with her, and she is acting decent to you, then you owe it to yourself to talk with her. Always tell her the truth about how you feel.

THERE IS HOPE THAT SHE CAN CORRECT HER MISTAKES.....MANY ADULTS DO SOMETIMES. Perhaps she needs to get help to figure out how to PARENT YOU better....SUGGEST IT TO HER. LET HER KNOW THAT YOU WANT TO BE 'HAPPY WITH HER IN YOUR LIFE', NOT WITH HER OUT! GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS

Answer 2

You have had some pretty bad things happen to you, that was not acceptable. Your mom might be telling the truth that she does love you even though she did or let these things happen. Sounds like she has a lot of problems, not just a bad mother. They are not your problems, but if things are that bad and her kids are the best thing in her life, maybe you could give her some peace by letting her know that you know she loves you and you love her because she is your mom, but you really need space and for her to respect that. When you are emotionally and physically older or ready, maybe you will want to talk to her about it. It is up to you, though you should not have to deal with this on your own. Maybe you can talk to your dad or another adult about it. Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you've gone through.
You didn't deserve that. You have a right to be loved, and feel safe. If anything like that ever happens again, be sure to tell an adult that you trust (Teacher, relative, etc.). I'm glad that things are better for you now though.
As for your Mom, it's normal that you feel the way you do, but I would suggest that you get some counseling before trying to have a relationship with her. I know that sounds hard but she really needs to get some help. It sounds as if this is just a big cycle of abuse, and she has a problem , not you. It's horrible that she let your step-father abuse you too. Have you tried talking to your Dad about this? Do you feel comfortable doing that?

Let me know what happens, and if you ever need to talk feel free to email me. I hope things get better for you soon!

Answer 4

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or saying what she has done to you is right. Forgiveness is a difficult concept for adults and even harder for kids.

You can pick your friends but you are stuck with your family. You need to find a therapist who specialize in abused children who can help you sort out your thoughts and feelings. You can also have a contract with your mom that says she has to do certain things like she has to go to anger management classes, parenting classes, and see a therapist herself and do family counseling as conditions of you visiting her.

You have not done anything wrong. It is not your fault. This is your mother's problem. Unfortunately she is using you as her punching bag instead of dealing with what is really wrong. It took me along time to understand all the crappy things my parents did to me. I will spare you the details. But once I started to understand how they grew up, it helped explain things. I'm not sure I have truly forgiven my parents or that I will ever be able to.

Answer 5

So, you need advice for whether you should forgive your mom? I know it's hard to forgive someone that hurt you so much. And I know it need some time. However, we should learn to forgive, I think she was just displace her anger towards you because she can't strike back at the one that make her angry.
You are now staying with your dad, do you feel happier? Forgive and forget your old mother and welcome the new mummy. You are just 13, there's still a long way to go.
Talk to a counselor, they are very good listener.

Answer 6

this is a very serious and sensitive problem. maybe you could see your mom on neutral ground for a while, maybe go out to eat or go shopping. see how things roll out. communication is key here, talk to your mom about how you feel. you are at an age where everything is changing for you and your mom can be a great help to you during this time.... take your time and ask her to be patient with you and hopefully you will be able to develop an awesome relationship with your mom... ok hope that helps at least a little bit.... as far as forgiveness is concerned, you can forgive, but she has to live up to that forgiveness.

Answer 7

me and my mother were abused ourselves....dad eventually got old and grew out of it.....he and I still occasionally bump heads....with our hands.....the point is always be open to hear what she has to say but be weary I suggest you also seek some sort of counseling we were poor when I was young and I never got help and it took years to work through my problems. I used to attack people that woke me up from sleep. I would not be awake but I would have my eyes open and start beating whoever woke me up.

I saw someone put talk to a school counselor.....I tried that once and she wanted to turn my story into a lifetime movie.....got my *** beat for that. I suggest professional help since teachers..at least around here are no longer professional

Answer 8

It's really your choice you can choose to hate her or forgive her no one else can decide that for you!! Of all that she done to you i know that if that happened to me i would have a really hard time forgiving my mom or forgiving her at all. But i don't want to make that decision for you cause if you choose what people tell you to you may regret it an there may be harder things to face if you don't choose what your heart tells you!!!! Good luck honey, just be true to yourself and what ever you choose!!!

Answer 9

My grandma is like that to my mom, and they never changed. this is what would be called an abusive relationship. You need to distance yourself from her no matter how sad she acts because its just a psychological game of hers to get you close again so she can just hurt you more.

Sounds like youre dad is a nice guy one, and your mom is a child abuser. That really doesnt matter if shes sorry. I have this saying, you can only be sorry that you got screwed over in the end. shes not sorry she hurt you, or she wouldnt have hurt you in the first place. shes sorry you actually had the guts to stand up to her and she doesnt have the power to abuse you anymore. shes sorry she has no power over you anymore, not sorry that she hurt you like she did. and she would...she would do it again if you let her.

My dad is also like your mom is, and my mom is like youre dad. kinda reversed, I know. anyway, I havent talked to my dad in 3 years. the last time he told me he was sorry and he loved me, I pretty much told him what I just told you. I called him a child abuser and told him he was sorry for not having power over me..blah blah blah. He started to get all sad and upset at first, so I told him to cut the crap because it was an act. guess what? he got mad. shows you how "sad" he really was.

Answer 10

Wow,,,,uve had a hard life,,,,this is tooo personal for me to answer...listen to God and listen to your heart because its always right.......but mabey she should go to therapy and then u give her another chance, mabey she has anger issues so remember god will fix this when the time is right,,,,im prayin 4 u!