If she loved u because u were gentle and caring, and she left 4 someone who abused/still abuses her...?

Question

She loved me because I was different from what she was used to & that she could trust me with everything. I was gentle with things that would make the old bf's snap on her. Don't get me wrong, I'm gentle, but I'm real. Opinionated and strong and would stand up for things/people if they were being mistreated - including myself if she mistreated me. Not a pushover. She still thinks of me. Is it best to be just angry and give her the verbal thrashing she deserves for running around on me (which is just like him...but people need to vent sometimes when they've been done this wrong), or b my gentle self and just stay gentle and understanding, even when what she did was non-understandable and show her there's just better guys out there, more patient ones that won't hurt her if she ever needs anyone when she's through with this cycle? I have every right to be mad, but I do still care about her as a woman, & will not forget her value to me, but just want her to be happy, whoever she's with

Answer 1

I think you should just be yourself. It's not easy to understand why she went back to someone who abuses her, but some people get into patterns and they can't break away. I think we've all had friends who have one bad relationship after another and seem to always choose the same kind of partner (one who's bad news). It could be low self-esteem - maybe she subconsciously thinks she deserves someone who doesn't treat her well. It could be a lot of things. If you still care about her, I think you should keep the paths of communication open. She may come to her senses one day and realize she wants her life to be better - and having a friend to help her would be good.

Answer 2

the woman you speak of sounds like a classic case of Borderline Personality Disorder, which is hard to define in just a few words here. To sum it up though, BPD individuals usually have a codependency problem clinging to negative lifestyle situations that en cite personal turmoil and chaos that they thrive on. There was a book published several years ago on the subject of BPD titled: I Hate You. Don't Leave Me". If you can find a copy of it, it might give you some added insight.

Answer 3

My advise is to become a male slu-t for a few weeks. Get her out of your mind. It will take a while, but eventually you can see her for the imperfect person she is. Now, when you go to the store and some little hottie winks at you, you can jump all over that. Before you were like, wow, she is hot, but I'm with so and so. So you let the hotties go and go home to whats her face again. Guess what? No more whats her face! Yahoo, have fun. There are lots of fine and I mean FINE women out there to help you forget... Whats her face.

Answer 4

being kind does not have to equal being used and walked all over. don't be an a$$ just because it is what she is used to, be better than that. but move on and find someone who appreciates and deserves you kindness.

Answer 5

Do wut first comes to mind if you dont want to be gentle and caring than dont. DOnt try to be wut she wants you to be, which is diff fromt he other guys. She deserves wut you give her because she ran around on you. I understand you love her and want her to be happy but obviously she doesnt feel the same way. I would say if you care then stay her friend..love her enough to not be with her cause obviously you are not wut she wants.