How do I stop this so-called "family" thing?

Question

Almost a year ago, my dad got remarried to a new person, not my mom. Before they got married, she was really nice to me. Then, she got a little bossier, a little meaner, and a little more short-tempered. She is now obsessing with creating this image of a "perfect family". It is so annoying, and my brother, sister, and new stepsister do not approve of it. We go out and get this professional photographer to take "family pictures" of us. What's worse, is she told the photographer to photoshop out my brother's pimples on his face. I felt so angry for him. I mean, if I didn't have a mom, I could understand this whole thing. But I DO! I am with her so much more than them. I only see them once every two weeks. I usually don't even think about them most days, but when I am with them, it is horrible. She is mean to my sister and I a lot, since we are younger. She is only nice to my brother (age 15) and her own daughter (age 8). She obsesses over this family thing. How do I stop her?

Answer 1

This answer is my opinion (based on some experience), and it might not be right for you, and if not, all I can say is good luck and at least you only have to deal with it on the odd day.

Maybe she is like that partly because she is insecure about the situation - she is not mother of three of the kids (who have a longer history with her husband than she does), and might be worried about how she fits in the situation, and dealing with your dad not just being hers, as he has three kids he loves that are in the picture too. It might explain the perfect family issue and why she picks on the two people that are her female 'rivals' for position in the family and your dad's love? Maybe I am wrong, but there could be something in it (sounds like she has it in her nature to be kind, not just mean all the time). Maybe you can talk to your mother about if for advice about how to handle it, and you can tell your dad that this is how you feel, but it could be tricky too if this creates a fuss. You should be able to talk to an adult about this, but sometimes in these situations, you need to think carefully who you tell - maybe one of your aunts or uncles or grandparents or friend's mum etc if your mom and dad are likely to overreact about it. Sounds like if you keep on thinking about it like you are (just how horrible it is), it will probably get worse. Does she make your dad happy? Maybe you can try talking to her and tell her that you can see that your dad is happy and loves her a lot, and that you don't need a mother but want to be friends with her, and see if you can do some things together eg. baking. It might sound like a terrible idea, but if she is being like she is because she feels insecure, maybe showing her you accept her as your dad's wife and as an adult family member in your life will help her feel better and treat you better. Good luck.

Answer 2

I would speak to your own mother about it and tell your mother you don't want to spend time there. It doesn't sound like your dad is spending any quality time with your brother and sister and you. You don't have to accept the step mother and step sister as your family, but your dad is still your dad. Ask your dad if you can go do something alone with him and spend some time with him. Explain to your own mom that you are really miserable going over to the step mother's home and you don't want to do it anymore. You can't stop the step mother but maybe you can stop going over there.

Answer 3

Don't take it personally. The more you are bothered by it, the more it brings it out in others, just like any other bad habit. Totally ignore it and the whole mindset that comes with it. Not in a mean way. Just in a self-respecting way. Show absolutely no sign of being offended. Pretend the words never even came out of the person's mouth.

Answer 4

I'm sorry this is happening. I would recommend you approach them and explain your feeling when they're together. Realize one or both will be on the defensive. Stand firm and state only facts and your feelings. Talk to a mentor (pastor, other relative, etc) if this does not work.

Answer 5

Honey I wish I had an answer for you...But there probably not a lot you can do yourself.

Tell your mom how mean the step mom is. Get your brother to be aware of how she treats you and your sister.... for your protection.... He is old enough to protect you...

Answer 6

You can not change her obsession. Talk with you dad he may not have the same insights that you do.
You mom may be some help too. Ask her.

Answer 7

talk to ya dad! tell him you dont like the way she is treating you and your "family". tell him that if things dont change you dont want to see them or her and you'll see your sibbling sercetly...its a threat but it might work.......THATS ONLY AFTER!! you try to calmly and reasonably talk to him pull him to the side so you can be there when he talks to her...its the totally oppisite for me tho I have the type of step mom where daddy always takes my side play the i'm your lil princess card to try and get things to change for the better!

Answer 8

Talk to your dad about how you feel. He would probably understand if you told him if he doesnt understand Im not sure what to say.

Answer 9

Talk to your Dad. Maybe he can help. But, I wonder if maybe you are making the problem seem bigger than it is, too.
Try really hard to be fair.

Answer 10

wow, only suggestion I have is, when you are there, try to stay close to your Dad, don't give her any open chances to have a confrontation, and if it gets worse, stop going to their house.