my baby died 8 months ago its still hell the world is a different place now does it get any better?

Question

My husband does not want any more children my son harris was my 3rd son after cameron 6 and mac 3 does life go on i need to live and not everyting end with Harris please help!

Answer 1

Yes it does, the pain never goes away but it becomes easier to cope with. You will begin to focus on the wonderful things you have in your life. I lost my baby daughter when she was born and I made the mistake of not accepting counselling, years later it all hit me, very hard. My advice to you is talk to someone, don't bottle it all up and let it eat away at you. I cope by telling myself there was a reason it happened, maybe if she had of survived her quality of life wouldn't have been very good, maybe it is mother nature's way of saving suffering for the child, I don't know. I take her flowers, it's hard but I feel I should and I always will. I'm not religious in anyway but I do feel strongly that I will be with her again one day, I don't know why I feel this but I do. You have to now focus on the children you have, I am so grateful to have my girls that I now think to myself how can I possibly feel sorry for myself, I am so lucky. I get scared a lot, as I realise life is so fragile, even more reason to cherish every day we have with our kids.

You need to talk about your feelings openly, it's early days yet, your grief is perfectly normal, don't fight it, cry when you need to and ask for hugs when you need them, you'll be surprised at the amount of people who are afraid to comfort you but will gladly do so when it's needed. You have a husband and 2 beautiful boys who need their Mum.

Answer 2

You have suffered a terrible loss. It is no surprise that you are still grieving, I would be too. Perhaps since your husband does not want more children, you can begin to make something positive of your tragedy. I don't know the circumstances of your baby's death, but surely there must be other families out there that are going through a similarly painful time right now. You must be a very strong woman and a loving mother. Others may be able to gain from your experiences in losing a baby. Harris can be honored by your reaching out to other families who are suffering. By using this awful experience as a way to help others in pain, you will lessen your own pain. Maybe try a local hospitals' children's' ward or your local churches and find a support group. You must realize your amazing strength. I am always humbled when I hear of parents who have made it through such life changing times. Your baby cannot come back and your life will forever be changed, but no one said you must be a victim or a slave to sadness and pain. Use this as a chance to be a light of hope for others. God Bless you and your family always.

Answer 3

it has been 14 years and although it is still painful you do learn to live with his death. my son died at five months old from SIDS and it was THE most painful thing I have ever gone through. It does not get easier, it just transitions to a different level. You have to allow yourself to go through all the stages of grief and if you are feeling down for too long seek professional help. PLEASE do not take this for granted I had a nervous breakdown because I thought I could handle it. Talk to someone try a support group and don't neglect the children you do have. Find a new way to bond with them to keep your mind fresh. Get proper sleep and nutrition it will be a long hard road but if you and your husband keep the lines of communication open it will be just fine. Also, do not try to replace your son by getting pregnant too soon. Give yourself a chance to heal and remember your children lost a brother and they need you as well.

Answer 4

Yes, life does go on. And you need to make sure it goes on, for the sake of Cameron and Mac, if not yourself. Losing a child is one of the most difficult things anyone can experience, but things should slowly get better for you. It does take time. If you find that you are not able to start moving back into being appropriately involved in your children's and your husband's lives, you should ask for help. You could consider therapy or a grief group. It helps to talk with people who have similar experiences and can really understand what you are going through. It will help you when you can hear someone tell you, "Yes, that's just how I felt, and it did get better....." I wish you much joy with your family and hope that your wound becomes easier to bear with time.

Answer 5

I am so sorry to hear that. You have both suffered a great hurt. Your husband fears being hurt again if you have another baby. He needs counselling and you probably do too.

Yes, it will get better over time, no one can maintain a high level of grief forever. It can be damaging to ones health, mental and physical if it remains the same for too long. You feel like you are in hell, but remember that your baby is with God in heaven. I would recommend attending a good spirit-filled church and finding that your lives still do have meaning. You still have to be parents to your living sons too and not fixate on the one who died. They deserve two whole parents, so somehow you must heal, let the pain go and get on with living. Get help.

Answer 6

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss,
Have you had any bereavement counselling? After my brother died my mum and dad had counselling and found it very helpful obviously nothing in the world can take away the pain of your loss and noone unless been there could ever imagine how it feels but the counselling may help and also as in my mums case it put her in contact with another mum who had also lost a child so they could help each other.

Also wanted to say with regards more children if you feel that time will ever come at this moment in time your husband may be frightened of having more children after what has happened to Harris but in time things on this may change as it was very much this way with my mum and dad, they lost my brother and sister age 6 and 5, they did go on to have other children but initially there is so much fear around what has happened but it was three yrs on when they gave birth to my brother.

Although your pain will never go time is a healer, take one day at a time, my thoughts are with you and your husband

Answer 7

FIrslty sorry for your loss.

I'm going to be really blunt because I think these women have no idea. Sorry- but it's the truth which usually hurts.

Two is enough already isn't it?
What about your husband- isn't he the reason you married and the children are SECONDARY- they come afterwards?
If not- I think you really need to question you're love for him and maybe let him move on a woman more capable of providing love to him.

Why are you trying to fill some emotional void with children- is it because they can love you back without the same level of examination as an adult?

I think perhaps you should consult with a psychiatrist or a mental health expert because if you're this cut after losing something which you had no chance to ever really knowing after only 8 months- I mean- let's be realistic- I've known people for years and they've died- it happens.

Life is terminal. We all have to die sometime- they did early which meant they simply weren't ready for this world.
You are- you got two great kids and a great man- live for them and stop wallowing in these silly thoughts of what could of been and if only- you will tear yourself apart and YOU WILL DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM THE MAN YOU LOVE.

If you don't pull it together soon and suck it up- your marriage is going to go very bad. Sorry- but how many other marriages have failed because of this reason if not something less serious.

If you don't really, really get yourself sorted and start living especially for your husband- it's going to get worse.

Sorry- harsh- but sometimes a decent slap in the face is needed. I'm good at tough love.
Best of luck by the way.

Answer 8

Losing a baby is about the worst thing in the world.
I am so sorry this happened to you. You need to see a doctor and consider taking antidepressants for a period of time. Your 2 sons who are living deserve to have the best Mom you can be. And 20 years from now, you don't want
to have regrets about that. Counseling is good, too.
Good Luck!
.

Answer 9

Trust me, it does get better.

You are in a better position that others as you have other children. Some people go throught this & have no others to "replace" their loss.

I lost my first born which made me even more committed to try again as I was so determined to have a child. Two kids later, although I have never forgotten my son & could relive the day we lsot him minute by minute, I no longer sit & pine for him. the cries I hear are that of my children not my imagination.

As a Mother, you have no choice but to carry on. With help & support from your family & GP, you can work throught this & get your life back on track.

Best of luck :)

Answer 10

I am so so sorry for you. Men react very strongly to tragedy with their children and family. My husband enetered inteo a 4 year depreesion after our 1st son was born with a syndrome and well I said I love you and would never leave you but life goes on and I got preg 2x after that and it was the best thing for us all.
SOmetimes the wife in these circumstances has to just take on and do with or without his consent.