I just called of a wedding 2 days ago because my ex has a drinking problem. He said that if I loved him I would help him through it. I've given him many chances already and wont change. Could I have taken him as he is and worked something out?
2007-06-22 11:34:28 · 28 answers · asked by igloo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh and it includes lying about where he is going out of town and getting drunk and not calling
2007-06-22 11:39:53 · update #1
The wedding was in 2 months
2007-06-22 11:42:25 · update #2
You're a very strong, wise woman. Not only does he have a drinking problem, he's a manipulator too. Remember, you're not responsible for his problem or his therapy. It's not for you to "help him through" his substance abuse problem. He has to do it himself--go to AA, get counseling, whatever it takes and be sober for at least two years before getting involved with a winner like you. I know, because I was once engaged to a drug addict who thought it was up to me to help him get over his problems. He's in his 40's now and still grappling with substance abuse issues.
Be sure to treat yourself to something special this weekend--you deserve it. I'm sure as time goes by, you'll be glad you said "No" to a life that would have revolved around his substance abuse problems and you'll be glad you didn't bring innocent children into the picture of "Daddy, the drunk." I hope you find someone who's more deserving of your love!
2007-06-22 11:48:16 · answer #1 · answered by savvymermaid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a good enough reason, because marriage is a big step and you should make sure everything is okay before getting married. Plus you don't want to start off your marriage with a problem already and on your wedding day, you should be excited about your future with him, not worried about his drinking problem. I think the best thing to do is to work things out with him, and try to help him get through his drinking problem. Once it is gone, you can move forward with your relationship and try getting married again if both of you want to. I hope this helps and good luck! =)
2007-06-22 11:41:01 · answer #2 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel now that there is a chance in the future that you will divorce him than dont go through with the marriage in the first place. I am young and have been married for 5 yrs now. There is times where i am like, this guy is so annoying and think why did i marry him but then i think back to why i feel in love with him in the first place and realize that you have to take the good with the bad. It sounds to me like your so used to being together that it is just natural and sometimes that means that you are better as friends than as partners. The best thing to do is sit back and think why you feel in love with him in the first place and if that attraction and that feeling is not there anymore then you should sit him down and talk it over with him. You dont want to wait until the last minute and then leave him at the alter. and who knows he might be thinking the same thing.
2016-05-17 22:52:54 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you called off the wedding to help your ex. Doesn't that mean you still have feelings for your ex. Just go with your instincts. It isn't the best reason to call it off .. because the one you're about to get married should mean more to you then your ex does.
My boyfriend's point of view:
It's a huge mistake, since you love another guy who you're about to get married to .. is more important to someone who was your past love . And thinks you shouldn't really care for him because if you didn't care about your ex a lot . Why did you fall in love with another man enough to be wed with him?
2007-06-22 11:41:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can help your ex, but your ex himself. I am wondering why you may not have called it off earlier. Maybe you were afraid. It is quite unsettling! If he's said that he would quit before, and he still has not, so be it! Kudos to you! People may not be happy, but eventually, once the wedding is over, it is likely that they would just tell you "I told you so" anyway. I think if you know in your heart that this was the best way then so be it! I know it must have taken a lot of courage.
2007-06-22 11:38:55 · answer #5 · answered by fabmaster6 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not with an alcoholic ... maybe this will be the life changing event he needs to teach him a lesson ... if you have tried helping him over and over and you get hurt each time ... how many more times are you willing to go through that again ... I think you made the right decision ... trying to change somebody is bad enough - but trying to break a bad habit is even harder .. good luck with whatever happens ... keep your head up and do what's right for you ... !
2007-06-22 11:38:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you did the right thing! If you accept him with a drinking problem, you are letting him know that his behaviour is acceptable to you - you would be enabling him - he won't change.. if he sees that there are consequences, that he needs to seek help for his problem, he may change, at least he will try - you have then, in fact, done him a huge favor... I admire your courage - stand your ground, and things may actually work out wonderfully for both of you. Destructive behaviour in him, has the potential to ruin your life.. you CAN still help him through this - as a friend... don't abandon him, but as I say, in my opinion, you did the right thing.
2007-06-22 11:42:11 · answer #7 · answered by Laura S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you did the best thing since he's obviously not wanting to quit. He still doesn't really see his problem. He's blaming you. That's not a step towards quitting. The first step towards quitting is realizing you have a problem to begin with. Then it's up to you and only you to see that you quit.
Had you taken him back, you would have just been asking for more of whatever you already got, maybe worse.
2007-06-22 11:38:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. You absolutely made the correct choice. Check into Al-Anon, the support group for friends and relatives of alcoholics.
He needs to go to detox and get his act together. His sponsor will tell him that he needs to be sober for a year before he goes out with anyone.
You tell him: I am helping you. I am clearing teh way for you to get sober, and giving you a motivation.
He's a tumor, a part fo your life that will only be a drain on your energy and serenity. Break it off entirely. You'll be glad that you did.
2007-06-22 11:41:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anything that doesn't feel right makes a good enough reason to call off the wedding.
2007-06-22 11:38:02 · answer #10 · answered by rvev 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋