Advice for meeting an online friend for the first time?

Question

I've known this boy for 3-4 years online, in letters, through the phone. but never in person. He's 18, I'm 17. I'm not being stupid with this, I can assure you, and I've had him take a picture of himself with my name on a little peice of paper, etc. His pictures all match. But one can never be sure that the person I've corresponded with will actually be the one who shows up. I've read a few things online that basically say, "BE PARANOID. what's the harm?" but I'm not sure how much more paranoid can I be? My mom's going to run a background check and everything, and plans to talk to him tonight.. so I was wondering if the yahoo community could help me out with the following:

A. What kinds of things should my mom ask him about on the phone? Like things that would confirm his identity, etc.
B. Other than meeting in a public place, what other precautions should I take?
C. Safer if he has a hotel room or stays at my house, where he could jeapordize (sp?) the safety of my family?
Thank you!

Answer 1

First of all, I don't think it's advisable to have him near your house. Don't have him come over to meet your mom -- you and your mom should go and meet him at the public place. Don't tell him where you live.

A. Ask where he's orignally from, where he's lived, what his birthday is [to make sure he's really 18]. Also have her check his drivers' license, to double-check his birthday and such.

B. Have a cell phone with you at all times. And every few hours, either call to check in at home, or arrange to have them call you. Make sure they know exactly where you are. Another idea is to have a friend come to the same place -- not with you, but where she can see you two -- so she can keep an eye on things. Better yet, have your mom be where you two are.

C. A hotel, most definitely. I wouldn't worry too much that he's secretly a killer or something, but it is much safer to not have him sleep in your house. Again, don't even tell him where you live.

Keep in mind that you shouldn't stay out with him too late at night, and whatever you do, don't get drunk, because you never know what could happen if that occurs. Also, don't have him drive you home, or even the other way around. Take a bus or something, and no detours, even if he says "I know this great ice cream shop right on this street." In fact, it may be best not even to go home together -- take separate cars.

I hope it goes well. =]

Answer 2

A. Don't worry about his identity. If he doesn't look like the guy in the pictures then just say "You lied" and walk away.

B. Starbucks!!! Is there really any question. You're 17 have your mom wait in the car and then drive away when you are ok. Also, make a plan to meet him for just 15 minutes and then leave. Hook up again later if it was cool.

C. Hotel room. Are you serious about your place? Does your mom wnat you to bang him the first night, we all know he's hoping. Anyway. Hotel room for him. Your house for you. Spend a lunch togther, then may be a movie, then may be a dinner and when you turn 18 (run away with him and bang each others brains out). Till then take it S l o w.......

Answer 3

Wow, if you've 'known' each other for 3+ years and your worried about the safety of your family. If you are that concerned he might hurt you or your family it's probably best you don't meet. The background check and everything seems over the top. I can't wrong you for being safe though. Meet in a neutral location, like a diner with your mother/father. If he is going to stay around for a few days a hotel seems like a safe bet, but if your going to be spending alone time with him and your worried about your safety your home might be better. At least there your family would be around. At a hotel no-one is going to be around. Be safe and keep your guard up.

Answer 4

I think that this is good that you are getting your mom involved. The questions your mom should ask is what are your goals in life? What are your intentions with my daughter..(you are only 17)? Have some one watch from a distance... so the conversation can't be heard only seen. Set up some kind of signal that will alert the person watching. If at any time you feel threatened . The best place to meet is a public place . Mc Donald's.

Answer 5

It sounds like you've got your head on straight in terms of safety when meeting someone from online for the first time. It's GREAT that you're keeping your mom informed of what's going on and getting her involved.

HOWEVER.......If I could offer some advice to both you AND your mom here.........

Talking to him on the phone isn't enough. There is no way she will be able to verify who she's talking to. It would be very easy for a predator to fool you and your mom over the phone. No offense to you, but predatory criminals know their craft.....they certainly know how to get around the precautions that the average non-criminal would come up with. Your mom could ask to speak to the kid's dad, and the predator could change his voice and your mom would never know it. Believe me; it's happened.

The odds are in your favor, that this guy probably is who he says he is. But that 1% chance that he's not is the one that could get you killed . There have been cases where adult predators have successfully fooled teenaged girls AND their parents into thinking they were a teenaged boy. It's really not that hard.

In my opinion there is only one precaution that is adequate, and I know you're not going to like it.......Your mom or dad has to go with you to the meeting. They've got to see the boy, meet him, and satisfy themselves that he's not someone dangerous, just as they would with any boy you might bring home from school. Once they're convinced that he's OK, then they can arrange some supervised visits, such as the boy coming to your house when they're home, etc. Then maybe you could go out with some friends in a group. And only THEN be alone.

I know this sounds extreme, but you can't be too careful when it comes to meeting strangers from online. If you really can't go along with this, or your parents don't want to go with you, then try to bring some other adult. If that can't work, then bring a group of friends with you. At the very least, arrange for transportation to and from the meeting, where someone is set to pick you up at a specified time. Keep in contact with them throughout the evening so they know where you are.

Of course he should stay in a hotel, alone. If he can't do that, he's responsible to find someplace to stay. He should NOT stay in your family's home under any circumstances.

It stinks that we live in a world where these kinds of precautions are necessary, but we do. I recently read of a case where a police detective's daughter was kidnapped out of her own home, raped, tortured, and killed by a predator she met online. Her dad, an experienced detective who had a loaded gun in the house, had full trust that her "friend" was a teenaged boy. Now he has to spend the rest of his life wondering how he let this happen. YOU CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL.

Good luck!!

Answer 6

Go to a public place and have some friends in the general area to keep an eye on things. You can't be too careful upon a first meeting. Maybe meet at a mall and have one friend on each side of the area you are meeting at.

Answer 7

Have plenty of back up in the way of friends namely boys like your brothers or cousins or dad. Restaurant is a good place to meet that way your back up can be discreetly seated at tables near you.
As far as him staying at your house! This is not the 1950's this is the 2007's I would not recommend it. In fact best he not know where you live.
If you have a pet dog get him around the dog. Reason they can sense things about people we can't.
As far as your mother asking him things: Find out what he likes to do with his dad, with his mother. You know like fishing etc. What sports he likes. Where he goes to church and what kind of church it is. Who his friends are and what they do when they hang out. His favorite foods and drinks. Does he work on his own (parent's car) etc.

Answer 8

well i would say go to a public place.....like the mall or something , movie theater, meet have fun relax and enjoy. But have your parents call up on you like every 2 hours or something. Go for it. Make sure people know where you are. Anything can happen but be careful....

Answer 9

meet in a public place like Starbucks. just talk to him without giving him any personal information and see where it goes.

Answer 10

dont let him stay at your house!!! thats a no no