He broke me! How do I pull it back together?? Help me please?

Question

Every since my ex I've had trouble with my self-esteem. He made me question my self-worth, attractiveness, and who I am. He told me things like "Going out with you is like being on a date with my mother, When I woke up next to you I couldn't see that forever, if I dated you solely off looks we would've broke up in the first month." (teardrop) He put me out of his house in the middle of losing his baby. Since then I have sabatoged my friendships, and I can't let another man get close to me. I also have frequent anxiety attacks and can't sleep. How can I get past this? It's been three months. What do I do?

Answer 1

Wow this is very traumatic Faith.

First of all remember the wonderful person you were before you met him. That's still you!

Don't expect to recover in three or even 12 months this could take a while. To keep your mind of it and get some sleep take up a therapeutic new exercise routine. I recommend yoga or pilates.

Some place where you can socialize and be in a group with people who have a common goal, relaxation and fitness. These exercises also provide a spiritual backing to help you search deep within yourself. Many people discover more about themselves when practicing yoga. This will dramatically boost your self esteem, keep your mind clear and most of all help you cope and move on. If that's not your cup of tea then try some other physical activity like running or swimming.

Life's tragedies will come but just like a rain storm nothing last forever the sun will eventually shine again. So that's my second recommendation. Have hope, know that life's path will lead you to greener pastures.

Third, realize how lucky you are. You're still alive! Some one other then your ex needs you. Some one relies on you. Someone wants you in this world. So come to terms with the fact that you as a wonderful human being have meaning!

Fourth accept what happen. You cant change it. You don't need to embrace it but in order to grow strength you have to be able to come to terms with the events that took place and let it be a part of your life. Be strong. Grow emotional strength you're taking steps that show me you're leading in the right direction to gaining the strength you need. This is very import this will lead you to the next step.

Communicate, tell your closest relatives about what happened find a support group. You might find that your situation is not unique. Although his actions were not right he was only reacting in a way a handful of men would. Going to a therapist can really make you see things in a new light.

Lastly, don't cry. You will be loved again and you can find true love. When it boils down to it that's the core of human nature. I know that's all you want and don't feel like its not too far away.

This a traumatic incident that you must recover from and it will take a while.

I hope this helped and please write another question sometime. It would be good to see you recovering.

Answer 2

He seems like a real A- hole, but to get past it do things that make you feel good about you self, go get your makeup done a new haircut? Or whatever it is that makes you feel sexy again. And remember that one man's opinion is not the opinion of all men and that confidence is important in finding a guy if you believe you are hot then there will be a man out there that will believe it too! Also if you are having panic attacks go to the doctor, I have Generalized/Social anxiety disorder with panic attacks and I take Xanax I used to take paxil but it didn't work for me.

Answer 3

Very simply see him for the low down scamp that is truly is. Any man that puts a woman down like that and during your time of need abuses women. Unless you feel an abuser is all you deserve then see him for the mental problems that he has. He needs to put you down in order for himself to feel good about himself. Isnt that sad. Love yourself. Allow others to love you. Never give all of your power to any man. Give what you get and when you get more you give more. You need friendships right now. I know there is no quick fix to a broken heart and a bruised ego but you deserve so much better then this and you know it. We are on this earth for such a short time. You will love again and be loved the right way open up your heart, look up to the heavens and know that God has a bigger plan. There is a good man coming but you have to be able to see the thorns before the arrival of the rose.

Answer 4

He sounds like scum. It sounds like he was just trying to build up his own ego by shooting yours down. Don't waste your life believing what he says about you.

Start off by making a list. Really, sit down with a pad of paper and list everything good about yourself. Anything at all, from artwork to pretty eyes to folding clothes well. By the time you're done, you'll see a lot of reasons to like yourself.

If you can't get over the way he's treated you, go to a counselor. He or she can help you see the world as it really is, not how he's slanted it for you.

As for the anxiety attacks and insomnia, see your doctor. I had anxiety attacks for some time after losing a baby and becoming alienated from my parents, and my doctor was able to help with anti-depressants. They aren't a cure-all, but they can take the edge off enough to help you cope better.

Finally, get involved. Go out and join a sports team, help out at a charity, anything available. You'll meet new friends, and you might even be able to reconnect with old friends you've lost. You might be surprised at how a good friend will react to a simple, "I'm sorry."

Answer 5

first never ever move in with someone you are not married to ever again. second no more children.

now to your self esteem. you must have had low self esteem before you meet him because people with high esteem never loses it no matter what so don't blame him blame yourself. now you need to look into yourself and see why you don't love yourself. once you have done that then you will be able to make sound decison about relationships. you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with another.

harsh words but i don't want you to go and do something stupid just because you are feeling sad or desperate becausesex is not going to stop the pain ;babies are not going to stop the pain.

also ask yourself do you think that you are unattrative and if you do get over. The world consists mostly of unattrative people i am one of them. i look at this way i maybe ugly but there someone just as ugly as me out there.

you also seem to be very smart and being smart is is more important then being attrative.

Answer 6

There is nothing worst in a girl than to question herself about being worth it or not. Do not let any men bring you down. Girl! We gotta make them know what time it is. If he thinks you're not worth it, show him where you're gonna end up, do something for yourself. Don't let anything get to you. Enjoy everyday as it comes and discover new things in yourself without men's help.
It is difficult to get over something or somebody if we let that rule us and decide for us. Do not close doors to those ones who are not guilty for what is happening in your life. Do not love more than what you should and never close your eyes to reality. Be a woman at every single step that you take. Let friends help you. Go out! Have fun! If you lock up yourself at home, you're gonna feel even worse! Life wouldn't be life if we did not have any problems but when problems are hard to solve then let them find a solution itself! Life is short and time is precious. One day he's gonna find out what he had lost and it'll be too late because another guy'd be enjoying his time with you because he has known what you were worth it! Cheer up!!!!

Answer 7

You've been a victim of psychological abuse, which is even more insidious than physical abuse. Contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 800-799-7233, and they can refer you to groups and counselors who can help you overcome this.

It may take a little while, but you will recover and get your self-esteem and sense of strength back. It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. We all need it sometimes. Find people who can surround you with love and support. You ARE worth it, and you deserve so much better than with what you have been dealt.

As an abuse survivor, I can tell you with certainty my life is 100% better since I sought help and recovered my old self.

Big hugs, and best of luck to you!

Answer 8

Wow. That's really rough. You were obviously in an abusive relationship and they're hard to get out of without being affected and hurt by it. The best way you can recover is to speek to a therapist. I know it seems harsh, but its the right thing to do. Tell her about the anxiety attacks especially. I wish you luck.

Answer 9

Hii,

I know how you feel.Having a relationship with someone who questions the way you think and assess yourself can be pretty heart-breaking.

The real truth is that your self-esteem does not have to be based on his low self-esteem. I realised later that when he was really trying to make me feel bad, he was just pouring his mind out about the issues he might have had with himself. He is looking for a woman who makes him look good, he is not bothered about contributing to your life. It means he wasn't a good catch to start it.

As for the anxiety attacks(I had them too), I believe they came up because you were scared(I know doH) but really insecurity is a hard thing to deal with even for the most secure individuals. Sleeping will take time but just try and do things that make you smile and pray.You will naturally become more relaxed with time.

Regarding your friends, if they were really your friends, call each one back and ask for forgiveness. Loyal friends will just be waiting for that one call to help you back on the road to recovery.Find time to spend with them but it's also okay to take some time to be alone. My religion(Christianity helped me) and talking to someone I trusted but really TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS.


DON't even try to look for friendship with him yet and resist the urge to call or stalk him. It will only remind you of how nasty it all went down and you will keep reliving the terrible memories

Finally, Take a look around you, there are some kind,loyal and wonderful men that will be ecstatic to date and accept you without judging.Don't be afraid to loosen up but try and learn your lesson from this guy, chances are that the signs were there from the start.

Answer 10

Just give yourself time, it hasn't been that long, so I guess the wound is still fresh. If it gets to a point where you feel you can;t absolutely deal with it, consider finding professional help. They can be of great help. If you think you can get back up on you're own, just start with baby steps, don't jump into dating so quickly. Take your time.