family problems..?

Question

okay so heres the story. my mom is disabled my father deceased. im 20 my brother is 18. i took 2 years off from school because my brother got into some trouble and my mom was alone. well i applied to a school out of state.. nearly 1500 miles away. i just went to orientation signed up for classes and really excited about it. my brother got arrested last night for 3 charges of burgerly one of them being an occupied house. now my mom is going bezerk and crying and stuff. and we cant bail him out cos 1) not a good idea and 2) we are a poor family. now im stuck because i feel like if i still leave for college my mom would be so devestated at the fact that both her sons are gone. so i could 1) go away anyways. 2) stay and work to help pay for my brothers attorney. 3) stay and go to a community school down here. (i had tried that before and couldnt find the motivation...) i need serious advice please no jokes. thanks in advance. oh and i also need to make the decision by july 5th!

Answer 1

Seriously, I think in the long run. the best thing you can do for your family is go to school and get an education. In 4 years, you might be able to get a really great job and help them out a lot more.

Answer 2

I really think that you should GO, you are not your brothers keeper and so far he has done nothing but get into trouble while causing you and your mom some as well. Let him learn his own lessons in life. Your responsibility is to your family but also to yourself, you need to make that distinction if it is going to ruin your life to stay or to go and make something of yourself instead of being held back by a deviate for a brother. It is one thing if your mom cannot take care of herself or have help, so go and have a great life. If you feel in the pit of your stomach to go than go, but if it is to stay than go to a community college and later leave to finish school elsewhere.

Answer 3

First of all, you shouldn't pay for your brother's attorney. You're falling into a never-ending trap of trying to rescue him from his decisions. Yeah, it's sad for your family that he was arrested, but what does he learn by having someone else foot the bill for his mistakes? Not to mention the sacrifices you're considering for his mistakes.

As for how to help your mom, she needs more support than just you. I understand that she's disabled, but in most families, the children are the ones who need encouragement and support from their parents. I understand that you are not a child, but really, you should not be in the position of being her one and only supportive relationship.

That being said, I really can't tell you what decision to make as far as whether you go to school somewhere else or nearby. I don't know your relationship with your mother and whether it's a positive one, or if she (along with your brother) is dragging you down. It's obvious that you really love her a lot. Ask yourself what she would want for you and from you? Would she want you to make this kind of sacrifice? Or is choosing family even a sacrifice? It depends on what kind of relationship you have with her.

Answer 4

First off let me just say I feel for you! What a hard place to be in. I think only you can know what is ultimately right for you. Is your mom's disability a functioning disability - when you leave will she be sad but able to live on her own? I think that makes a difference. Could she move? I think the best thing to do is stop and write down a list of all the positives of going away to school but all the negatives too...then do the same for staying...sometimes seeing it makes decisions easier.

Answer 5

It is time for you to have your own life and get your education.You are not your brothers keeper.Let him suffer his own consequences and pay the price.He did the crime so has to pay the time.If he can't afford his own lawyer,the court will apponit him one.Maybe this will be a turning point in his life and he will realize he has to be accountable for his actions
As for your mother,there is help out there for her.There are a lot of opportunities and help for the disabled.Search them out through your family doctor or hospital.
A lot of disabled people live on their own and do very well.Don't feel guilty by going off to school.You need to be able to make a life for yourself and then later you may be able to take care of your mom when you establish yourself and have a good income and job.
Stop worrying about your brother and also your mom.They'll be fine.You owe it to yourself to go to college.
All the best.

Answer 6

ok seems like some time in jail might do your brother some good, the reason you go there is because you got in trouble and you need to think about what you've done..sounds like you guys kinda shouldn't bother..if he has gotten himself in so much trouble. you shouldn't have your family restrain you from going on with your life, i mean it is very good you care about them. BUT you should get an education..then try to help them. you can give them money through the mail when you are in college or tranfere it to you mom's account or something write to them..e-mail..keep in touch. your brother should stay in jail..i know thats mean to say..and im sorry for you, but it needs to happen, talk to your mom about it though. sit down with her and make a plan..tell her what you want to do, ask her what she wantes to do..and figure something

i hope every thing works out though...good luck

Answer 7

Go where you just signed up. It's time for you to live your own life. Your Brother deserves to be in jail, so let him go there. They will assign him a public defender! Your Mom will be fine. She would end up alone anyway, if not now in a year or two. She isn't a little girl, she'll be OK. Go and start your life and enjoy yourself!

Answer 8

I know it sounds harsh but leave your brother sit there and learn from what he's putting not only your mother thru but also you! You're a great son and brother for doing all you have already done but you need to think about yourself and your mother now.. Don't quit school regardless of where you go don't quit!
I wish you the best of luck!!

Answer 9

Although it's very honorable that you stand by your family, your mom has lived her life and has had her family. Your brother is unfortunately choosing his path, albeit I believe he can be helped, but you>>>you have your whole life ahead of you. Follow your dream>>>go away to school. An old Italian saying...when you close your eyes (meaning when you die) everyone else around you is also gone. Remember to be strong now and live your life...take it from someone who has regretts. Don't wonder if you could've should've or would've

tx and God Bless

Answer 10

I know you want to protect your mom but frankly this situation isn't going to get any better. This is the only time in your life that you will have a chance to better yourself. Please go to college. Stay in touch with your mom, but part of parenting is to push your kids to take opportunities in life. If she is thinking about what is best for you, then she will be pushing you to do this. Look at it this way, your family has a cycle of poverty that it appears you are their only hope to break. If you can get an education and maintain a good career then you will be in a better postition to help your mom in the future. God knows your selfish brothers will not be there for her, they will be dead or in prison. Your mom will be ok, what she needs now is for one of her sons to be a man, and a man looks to the future. Best of luck, please take my advice.