live in girlfriend won't put her kids in their own bed.?

Question

i have been with this girl for over a year. she has 2 kids. ages 4 and 1 (not mines). she was pregnant before we even met. she just didn't know it. the problem is that since its hot in the bedroom she lets the 4 year old sleep with us. anyways it is too hot to be sleeping with 3 people. so i just sleep on the living room couch. she says that her kids come b4 anyone and that she decides when and where they will sleep. i told her that if i am the man you want to be with and help raise the kids then my feelings should be considered and my opinion counts for something. i hate this because i love her and want to be with her. she told me that when we get them a bed then they will sleep in it. the 4 year old has a toddler bed but his cousins and him jump on it so much that it is messed up. i feel like the kids should be in their own room (especially the 4 year old) and that if i go into the living room to sleep then she should come and check on me. why have a man if kids r in bed with you

Answer 1

get the kids a cheap bed, put them in it and tell her to shut her damn mouth about it. no woman or man for that matter would tell me i can't sleep in my own bed because of some kids. please.

Answer 2

One thing that a lot of women (and sometimes men, too) forget is that it is actually really important for the kids for you to cultivate your relationships with your spouse/live-in partner. That is how you show your children how to develop a relationship themselves. By treating you like a second-class citizen in your own home and spoiling her child by letting the child come before you in such an impractical way is not good for the kid OR your relationship. What is going to happen is that this kind of behavior will drive a wedge between the two of you, and you'll split. How is that putting the kids first?

In any case, you basically answered your own question. Why have a man if kids are in the bed with you? Looks like she's made her choice. Talk to her about it logically, and if she doesn't listen to reason, then maybe you're with the wrong woman. Too bad for her. You sound like you're trying to be reasonable and fair. The next guy might not be so considerate.

Answer 3

They need to learn how to sleep on their own. My parents could only afford a one bedroom apartment from the time I was born until I was 8. And let me tell you once I got my own room and bed I made every excuse I could use to get back into my parent's bed.
From day one I had other people around me while sleeping so I was used to that. So I could never sleep on my own. It was really ruff on me and my parents. Finally when I was 16 I was able to get a good nights rest.

Answer 4

She's absolutely right to put her kids first!!
This is something you should have know before you got involved with a woman with kids. Maybe you could bring the mattress from her sons room into your room so he can sleep there and then you can sleep in bed with her. If not then you either need to accept it . . or move on. And as for your question asking why have a man if she has kids in her bed. . WHY BE WITH A WOMAN IF THE ONLY THING YOU CARE ABOUT IS BEING IN HER BED!!

Answer 5

You'd better get used to her kids coming first if you plan on sticking with this woman. Her kids will always come first which is as it should be. If you can't take that then you need to find someone who is single and doesn't come with "baggage". You also might want to do some growing up as well your ego is bigger tha your brain.

Answer 6

If this is really important to you then make getting the child a new bed your top priority. Don't complain again until he has one...and still sleeps in your bed.

Answer 7

U r a man n u r in ur house! y should u sleep on the couch n give ur bed to someone else?? maybe u should be more firm with ur girlfriend and show her her limits..if she insists that her kids r more important than her man,then maybe she should continue her life with her kids only...y should u make so much sacrifice for kids wo are not even your own??? If ur girlfriend doesnt change,sooner or later,ur relation will spoil completely...

Answer 8

if it is really a huge problem for you and she refuses to do anything about it, you could break up with her.

yes i agree kids should sleep in their own beds. i think it is silly to say it is too hot for them to sleep in their own beds then to put them in your bed, isn't that more hot?

all you can do is talk to her, you cannot force her to change what she wants to do.

but if i were you, yes i would be offended if she said they were "her kids" if she wants you to be there and help take care of them, then she should respect your wishes of not wanting them in your bed.

Answer 9

If the kids don't have a bed what do you expect?? And why in the hell should she come to check on you while you sleep?? OMG! You have problems.

Answer 10

umm... tell her the way u feel if she cant handle that then dump her ***!