I was married last Friday. A very high class ceremony with all the trimmings. Anyway, a long story short:
We did all the normal stuff - speeches, dinner, 1st dance…. However, I will admit, I did rush through greeting / thanking all the guests so I could grab the 'gift box' filled with all the money envelopes.
I finished the last table & told my wife I had to use the men's room - instead a took the box to our room and counted all the money. It was eating me alive to see how much these people gave. No family of 4 at my wedding is giving $35 and getting away with it!!
About 90 minutes later my wife and some other concerned guests found me in the hotel room. I explained what I was doing but they were very angry. They even SWORE at me!!!
I really was not gone that long & don't think it is that big of a deal. I wanted to make sure we made a profit on the wedding.
She is still fuming mad - states she was embarrassed. What is wrong so wrong with what I did?
2007-06-22 07:43:24 · 31 answers · asked by Rick Martel 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
HAHA! You actually did that!!! I'm really surprised you are still alive. What you did was wrong because it is RUDE! It probably looked like you were a Greedy Fool to her, that is why she is fuming! You embarrassed her! I Know that if my fiance does that at the wedding he would get the same reaction! $35.00 from a family of four actually seems quite normal. And, you don't really know what kinds of family problems they have you can't judge the money that they gave you. That money was given to your new family as a blessing and you literally called them cheap. Tell your wife you are sorry and you just were not thinking correctly!
2007-06-22 07:51:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
What exactly did you do right? You shorted people on thankyous, you left your bride and the guests for 90 minutes, I bet she thought you were gone for good. People had to leave the reception to find you. What took you 90 minutes? Never mind, I do not want to know. You wanted to make a profit at the wedding? what were you going to do if you didn't, go back to the reception, grab a microphone, and announce there would be no cake served until people coughed up some more money?
If I were your bride, and you should thank God I'm not, you would have never seen your wedding night, you would have been in surgery, having the head injury you sustained when I hit you over the head with a baseball bat repaired. . I would have had the marriage annuled, then and there.
If you started crawling on your hands and knees now, in abject apology and atonement, you would not be done on your 25th anniversary, the next big money making event in your life, assuming your bride is still with you. And you will not need to have one, people have llloonngg memories, and will not give you a dime. You messed up bad.
Honey, my mother was so cheap, she poinched pennies until they screamed for mercy. She did not want to buy me glasses, my grades suffered in school. She did not buy me braces, as an adult because of the resultant worsing maloclusion,[please forgive my spelling] my dentist loves me, my million dollar mouth has sent him on several exotic vacations. And we won't mention the expensive shoes I have to buy, because she did not fix my small orthopedic problem, now a big expensive problem. .
You need to loosen up, or you, your wife, and your kids will suffer.
Dear wife, go start a checking account now, at another bank from hubby's, and sock away some money, you will be needing it. and she should not tell you where it is!
Did you really do this, or is this made-up?
2007-06-22 16:00:09 · answer #2 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She was very embarrassed because a wedding reception is not and should not be held to "make a profit" as you put it.
Of course, most people want to end up with a positive cash flow and there is nothing at all wrong with that. But leaving your friends and family to go and count money tells me 1.that you were not having a good time at your wedding reception 2. that your priorities could be in the wrong place. 3. that you are greedy.
Still, I think your wife is more embarrassed that other people found out about you counting it, rather than that you left and counted it.
And your statement about the family of 4 who left you 35.00 was a little rude, of course most everyone feels the same... but not as strongly about it as you do.
I also have one more question for you. How much do YOU give at a wedding...
2007-06-22 14:53:03 · answer #3 · answered by B 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
They had every right to get mad. Weddings are not for profit, and the money is an optional gift. You appreciate whatever you get, but you don't count it until after the party is over.
Also you don't leave your beloved (wife) alone for 90 minutes at a party or any kind of social event (especially her wedding!!!). That's humiliating to you both! You enjoy your time with her....every moment...and make it clear to everyone how important she is! You are supposed to care more about her than the money. But you sent out a message to everyone there that you only care about the money and not her. That may not be the case, but that's what you conveyed to them all. That's why they were all upset.
What you did was very rude and embarrassing. You should apologize to your wife, and to anyone else who is involved or who says anything. That was a huge deal. You were in the wrong, and you owe your wife big for that! Sorry to have to tell you.
I can understand caring about money, but you never put it over people.(especailly not publicly in front of people) Just remember in the future you always give your wife the most attention and respect, and money is after her. In the public eye (example parties, social events or anwhere around people), it's all her and money waits until you are in private.
By the way sorry for griping and being condecending. I just figured it's better for a stranger to do it than someone you actually know. The faster you learn that lesson the better your life will be. So apologize to your wife now, learn from your mistake, and move on while you still have plenty of time to enjoy her.
Best of luck.
2007-06-22 14:51:01 · answer #4 · answered by Consuming Fire 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
What you did was tacky and classless---as is your statement of "no family of 4 is giving $35 and getting away with it!!"
You don't have a wedding and reception just to collect gifts--you do it to share the joy of the day with those closest to you. People aren't supposed to pay for their reception meal with a gift!
And you were gone for 90 minutes!!! Totally unexcusable! The gift box with the money envelopes wasn't going anywhere. You should have waited til all of the guests were gone and the reception over before counting the money!
I don't blame your new bride for being angry or embarrassed. You implied by your actions that the gifts were more important than the guests. Shame on you!
2007-06-22 14:51:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Totally uncouth.
Don't know the word? Look it up.
What were you thinking? Maybe if you made a big enough profit you might do this more often?
Here is what I think you should have done just to put the icing on the cake.
You should have gone back down to the reception area with the money and all the envelopes. You should have put the money box next to the door in preperation for a statement to the whole reception party. You should have announced how unhapppy you were with the proceeds and explained to them that it costs so much for each guest and you expect anyone who did not pay their share to deposit it in the box on the way out the door.
2007-06-22 14:47:22 · answer #6 · answered by The Eight Ball 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It was a wedding, not a business deal (or maybe it was..?) - you shouldn't worry about making a profit.
As a family of 3, my parents gave my cousin about £10 (roughly $19) - would that have satisfied you?
Anyway, why should someone give you money for doing something you were going to do regardless? Never could understand that.
2007-06-22 16:17:42 · answer #7 · answered by Devolution 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
ok, that is really greedy! You were at your own wedding and all that you could think about is the money that you were going to get? Take this into consideration, maybe 35 dollars was all that that family could afford, and you should be happy that you even got that much! Taken into consideration what you just did, I wouldn't have even given you that much! ( no offense to your wife! ) Another reason it was soo wrong was that you made your wife mad at her wedding, her day that everything is supposed to go perfectly.
Hope that clears things up.
P.S. 90 minutes is a LONG time to be gone from ur reception!
2007-06-22 14:52:12 · answer #8 · answered by Laurenzo 3 · 6⤊ 1⤋
"i was not gone that long & don't htink it is that big of a deal" you left your wife alone at your OWN wedding to count money! that should have been one of the last things on your mind!
you should have waited till AFTER the wedding to count the money, when no guests were around!
"no family of 4 at my wedding is giving $35 and getting away with it!" seriously? the didn't even have to give you 4 cents! you invited these people to your wedding to share a memory, not to pick their pockets! what were you gonna do, go up to them and say, hey you only left me $35, i want more?
No wonder your wife is embarresed! i would be too!
2007-06-22 15:01:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
First of all, it is bad manners to bring gifts to the reception but, some people do.
Second of all, even if they do bring gifts to the reception the gifts should not be opened at the reception.
Third of all, your responsiblity was to be glued to your new wife's side. If my husband had left me for an hour and a half at our wedding reception I would have ripped him a new orifice.
It appears that you and everyone you know are a bunch or rude clods. You deserve each other.
2007-06-22 22:53:13 · answer #10 · answered by SusieQ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋