Disciplining My Son? Help!!!!!!!!?

Question

Im having trouble discipling my boy, he is 3 years old going on 4 and he is out of control. He was crying talking back telling me what he did and did not want to do, all i wanted was for him to take a nap. This was not happening a few weeks ago. I try to discipline him without hitting him but it did not work. I'm down Im my self very hard. Sometimes I think that he respects his grandparents more than me. This is very upseting to me.

Sometimes it's hard to get advice from his gradparents because i believe that they bribe him with all these toys and things. he's always talking about what they have for him and what he wants. I feel jealous because im young trying hard to live and they already lived there life and have money so they can give him everything.

Answer 1

You've got to get him to work *with* you. Sounds like the two of you are involved in a power struggle right now that no one really needs to win. Not yet, anyway ;-)

Sit him down & talk to him about how he feels when he's making decisions that make you feel angry. I'll bet you anything that those times make him feel bad, too.

Tell him that you don't like feeling angry at him, but know that you are a grownup & he is a kid & sometimes you have to be in charge so that things can get done, so he can be safe & healthy. Let him know that you want to figure out a way to get him to do those things without anyone having to get angry, because you love each other & shouldn't be angry at each other.

Ask him if he's got any ideas & if he agrees that he'd like to figure out a way that you two can communicate and cooperate without anyone having to get angry.

Really listen to his ideas. Pick out the ones that you can work with & build on them, guiding them towards something that will work for both of you.

Maybe you could offer him choices when it's time to do something important like take a nap - does he want to nap in his bed or yours? Does he want a blanket or no blanket?

Maybe you could give him a 5 minute warning before naptime, so that he has time to finish whatever he's doing first.

In anything that you're doing with him, where he starts to argue, explain to him why it's important that he does it, then ask for his input on ways to make it happen more smoothly for both of you. If you treat him with respect as an individual, you are more likely to get easy cooperation from him.

Answer 2

First just don't listen to the crazy people who had ugly things to say. It's a matter of consistency plain and simple. Give him a warning then tell him if he does it again he will get a spanking. If you tell him he's gonna get a spanking do it without fail. If he stops when you start towards him oh well it's to late, spank him anyway. I believe in good ole fashion whoopings too. A switch is the best thing ever. You'll only have to use it a few times on him. Don't beat him with it just tingle his legs real good and he'll want no more of it. If he is really into something take it away and tell him he has to earn it back. He may not want to take naps anymore either. He'll reach a point when he doesn't want to nap. I would make however tell him he doesn't have to nap but he has to stay in his room. He is allowed to play with toys or whatever but he has to stay in there. Pick a time line and tell him not to come out for 30 minutes or 1 hour or whatever you choose. He make respect the grandparents more but that's natural for kids to respect others more than their own parents. If that's not it then take notice at their punishments for him. They've been there they know what works and what don't. Time outs are another option.

Answer 3

I'm not against spanking, but it's not effective if you're going to show him that you feel guilty about it after. And I certainly don't think it's called for in a napping situation.

This isn't really enough info, I mean what is the problem? Is it just at naptime? There are many things that could be said for that. Have you considered that maybe he wasn't tired? Alot of kids outgrow naps by that age. Or perhaps he was over-tired? Did he have something sugary at lunch? Do you have a pre-nap routine; like read some books and cuddle and then into bed? At alot of daycares, they call it 'quiet time' so the child doesn't have to nap, but has to stay on the bed and be quiet, but they can play quietly with toys or look at books. The most important thing to remember is that if you want a child to calm down, you have to remain calm.

Answer 4

There comes a time with each and every child, even the most well-behaved, when they have to test the parental waters, and see how far they can get. Do you use time out? Do you threaten with punishment and actually follow through? Maybe he is just over tired and desperately needs a nap, even though he is balking against it? Too much sugar? You can always put him in his room, tell him that he is going to take a nap, and let him cry it out. Every so often, poke your head in the door, and tell him to lay down and take a nap, but whatever it is that you decide, he has to know that you are not going to cave in. You have to tell him what you will do if he continues his behavior, and you have to do it. He must know that you mean business.
I know it's very upsetting, and one of the most challenging parts of being a parent is not taking the easy route by giving in, and having to ocassionally be the bad guy. You will be ok, though. We all make it through it, but set some ground rules, and he'll catch on to what kind of behavior is unacceptable. Doesn't mean he won't test you now and again, but he'll catch on.

Answer 5

4 is a little old to still be taking naps, but that obviously isn't the issue at hand here. I too am a young parent and I know how hard it can be to raise them on oyur own.
Anyway to the point. Ignore his tantrums (if oyu don't it will only lead to him running over you all the time), let him cry, tell him that if he doesn't do what you say then he will be receiving a spanking, then do it.
I gurantee after a few times of that he will oisten, but perhaps he's trying to tell you something with the nap situation.
Start letting him stay up and see what happens.

Answer 6

If you think 3 is something wait till 4. He is just finding himself right now. He is also tesing you to see how far he can go with you. It seems he knows his limits with Grand ma and Grand pa. I understand you not wanting to hit your kid. being that I have a 6 1/2 year old son. boys need a strong since of disicipline. U don't have to hit him just snatch him up by the colar and stare him dead in his eyes. hold him in the air and threaten to dropp him if he says another word. Take every privledge away from him. No TV, radio, games, no coloring, writting, or playing outside. No Snacks!!! on give him the Necessities to survive!. I know it sounds cruel but it will help. He will respect you more, because he knows that daddy don't play! What good is it to have a father around that cannot dicipline his son? Take back control! You work too hard to let a CHILD run you house!

Answer 7

I don't think this is appropriate as a constant discipline. But most children that age can't be talked to while in the midst of their tantrums. The nearly 4yo I Nanny for was giving his mother and I the fit of a lifetime recently and even so far as wetting his pants. So I scooped him up and stood him fully clothed in a cold shower. About a minute later he had calmed down and even apologized for his behavior.

Once he was calm and dry we sat down with him and explained how to ask for what he wants in a manner that is appropriate. However, this was after she and I tried our usual time-out, hand-swatting, and a swat on the butt.
Ever since, he has expressed his needs/wants in a much more civilized way, which doesn't mean there isn't the occasional foot stop or cry.

Answer 8

if you feel that he respects the grandparents more, why don't you talk to them about what they would do in your situation?
any person with a child whose grandparents are a part of the child's life are truly blessed, because it's almost like having a "how to" guide right there with you. they've raised their children and should have some good pointers for you.
my own personal solution would be to try a time out first. and by that I mean in a SEPERATE room from you. if he wants to cry and throw a fit.....walk away from him. if he's to the point where he won't mind you to stay in his bedroom for 5 mintues without you......then it would be spanking time. 3 swats on the bottom. I know some people don't agree with spanking a child, but that's the way I was raised and the way i'm raising my 2 boys now. I rarely have to spank them though, because once you get your bluff in good with them......they usually will do what it takes to avoid a spanking. good luck.

Answer 9

Your biggest challenge is going to be staying consistent in your discipline. And its the most important to your child. Set firm but approiate rules such as time out (a minute per year) make sure that there is a time out chair or place that he always goes when he misbehaves. The most important thing is to let him know that you love him but that you won't put up with bad behavior. Sometimes its going to be really frustrating for you and you may need to "take a time out" there is nothing wrong with taking a few seconds to gather your self before dealing with the situation. You mentioned that he listens to his grandparent better - take a look at how they handle the situation maybe you can use the same concept as what they do. I know that's a hard one - cuz its your kid not theirs - but sometimes we have to lean on the older generation for help and support. Hope this helps.

Answer 10

The good news is this is very typical 3/4 y/o behavior! Don't be hard on yourself. This is his way of exerting and trying his independence and testing boundaries. The main thing for you is to be CONSISTENT!!! If you give in one time and then draw the line the next, he will run you over! Plus, a lack of consistence will make them feel insecure and that will just make things worse.

Another point of good news is, this too will pass! My son did the same thing at that age. I thought he was acting more like a teen-ager than a toddler! Now he is almost 16 and is a wonderful, respectful, non-talking-back teenager!! Stay strong and just keep tough. Most importantly, always show and say you love him. Hang in there!