Horrid in-laws and wedding.?

Question

My fiance and I are getting married in two months. His parents were only asked to pay for booze and the rehearsal dinner. Keep in mind, its not even a lot of booze, it was only 2 kegs, and maybe some wine. They started saying all of this stuff about not wanting to pay for it, and also started questioning out motives for getting married in the first place (just to hit us where it hurt) Along with calling me a slut, and saying we dont deserve a good wedding to begin with.

After hearing all this, me and my fiance came to the conclusion that we didnt want their help with the wedding at all. We would rather come up with the money ourselves, then accept help from his parents when they are being so rude and difficult. However, as soon as we told them not to worry about it anymore, they threw a huge fit about how they were looking forward to it, and tried to make us feel bad for acting like such monsters!

Were we justified in turning away their help? What would you do?

Answer 1

here's where you start to make a stand as a couple - you two learn NOW to hang together. Don't give in to negativity and guilt trips. HIs folks or yours, it was wrong. And, name calling is never correct. If these people want to have any kind of relationship with you and their future grandchildren, then they'd better get right with things...

Answer 2

Honestly, I think this would probably be a good time to confront them about their behavior...In particular, don't let it stew until the wedding day.

Say, "I appreciate your help, Jane and John, but the truth of the matter is that we have some issues we need to address before we can move on." Speak directly to the point that you simply cannot accept being called names by ANY human in your life (especially those who are supposed to love you), nor is it acceptable for them to use this as a tool for manipulating you. It sounds to me as if they're upset about something, and are showing their frustrations with this issue.

If you can be mature about it, they should be able to do the same. If you bring it up and they don't respond in a reasonable manner, then you'll know for sure that you'll need to take on these expenses yourselves. Hopefully, however, they will respond appropriately, and you can all get to the bottom of whatever is really bothering them.

Answer 3

I think you did the right thing on not wanting their help...Traditionally the grooms parents do the rehersal dinner (but alot of couples pay for everything themselves these days) but if it is a small event on a tight budget that u guys can come up with then they are probably thinking they will look bad.

That being said, I know its really hard to deal with family but i would reccomend talking to them and letting them know how much it hurt your feelings (not that they didnt want to pay for it, but what they said about u)....see how it goes and if they understand and want to work things out and still help, let them and let it go. It's really hard to start a relationship with the inlaws on a bad foot and sometimes we all have to just suck it up so that 10 years down the road there isnt a MIL still holding a grudge about the rehersal dinner she didnt get to help with that u have to hear about every Christmas...if you know what i mean. lol.

Good Luck, i hope everything works out :)

Answer 4

2 kegs and some wine is only $200

I would not let them ruin my big day for such a little bit of money.

I would stop discussing the wedding with them and I would not plan on their contribution.

The rehersal dinner is only for your wedding party. They already know about your financial situation so there is no reason to throw a dinner you can not afford

Have pizzz and beer after the rehersal and just enjoy the company of your friends

Answer 5

You were completely justified. Stand your ground and tell them they are off the hook paying for anything to do with your wedding. It seems as though they just want to complain because they're "losing" their son to a woman. If you let them pay, they'll complain that it cost too much or that you, "evil woman," just used them. If you don't let them pay, then they're "not good enough" for you. It's a no win situation. Just do what will make your day run the smoothest, whether they like it or not.

Answer 6

Refuse their help and stand up for yourself. If they love you they will come around. Also keep in mind that a lot of the silliness with weddings is for the parents. If they are acting foolish... may i suggest smashing cake in their faces. Just remember this is your day with your new hubby, keep focused on the good things and eventually these problems will fade from your memory.

Answer 7

Tell them that, based on their behavior, it's obvious that they don't want to be involved (throw some of their words back at them) and refuse to accept the money. They sound like awful people and you may not want to have them at the wedding at all if they're saying you don't deserve a nice wedding. I think it's okay to uninvite people like that to your wedding if they have that attitude. Good luck.

Answer 8

First, keep in mind that parents are not required to pay for a wedding, but that it is a gift. It is possible that they felt as though you just expected them to pay for it.

And second, check out http://www.motherinlawstories.com
It will give you advice on dealing with difficult inlaws.

Answer 9

I would have done exactly what you did. I'm sorry that his parents are being so awful to you both. It sounds like they might keep trying the manipulation far into your relationship. Tell them after they expressed their feelings about you and your wedding you and your fiance decided to be happy on your own rather than have them take part.

Answer 10

No winning here. Do what you think is best. It sounds as if they are interested in being oppositional. Not a good start for the joining of families. I think you did the right thing.