My ex cheated/abruptly ditched me. (We really had a great close thing for along time, (obviously not close enough!), I was the longest relationship she's ever had and we had big plans, but she got weak and fell back to the old guy that she admits she had a 4-yr breakup/makeup, toxic, addictive, unhealthy relationship with and just can't get out of her head.) One day, she just went from waking up next to me to stuck back in the old slump again. Just ran off on me.
She's a stubborn, stubborn type and will never admit to being wrong. She wouldn't even talk to me to say good-bye (probably a little guilt and not wanting to admit she was wrong there). It's been 2 months. She's still with the guy and of course, as far as everyone will ever see from her "everything's going just fine".
I don't talk to her beyond the "hey can I get my jacket back?" She will call now or text with just stale, unnecessary things every week or so. "Hey, thank you for my earrings back." (I didn't plan on ...
2007-06-22 04:56:17 · 11 answers · asked by rlfesty 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
...wearing them myself!), or "Hey, there's a nice motorcycle by the mall." (Who gives a sheeit?!) or just "Did you go to the concert last week?" What is her motive when she wouldn't even talk to me when she hurt me the most and needed her? What is the best way to handle this? Be agreeable and say "thanks for the info." or ignore her.
I already have moved on, but what do you suggest? I guess I'd like her to feel insane with jealousy if she's trying to get back (childish as it is), or at least just not put myself out there to be nice and respond just as blandly and never burn a bridge. What do you suggest girls?
2007-06-22 05:09:03 · update #1
I guess, since I've already moved on, my question is:
Are the generic calls and contacts because she's missing something or maybe just being ...nice?
2007-06-22 05:11:00 · update #2
She misses you...as a matter of fact, she really misses you. Each time she sees a motorcycle for sale, or a show you watched together, or anything that makes you pop in her mind, she's missing you. All the time that she hesitates before actually sending you a text, she's thinking about you. When she argues or has disagreements wtih her new/old boyfriend, she remembers how good you treated her. It's her loss and she knows it.
You should keep moving on. I know...easier said than done, but you don't deserve someone who will not appreciate you. People who can not learn from mistakes, will continue to make them. Kindly remind her that her new boyfriend may not appreciate her having contact with an ex boyfriend and ask her to touch base with you when they split up again.
2007-06-30 03:34:41 · answer #1 · answered by patriciaannbee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's probably best to walk away from this one.
She's in an unhealthy cycle, but keeps repeating it. It's her choice.
The next time she calls or texts, you might just suggest she get some professional help and let her know that you need to move on.
Maybe she'll see a psychoanalyst and get right with herself. Perhaps, then, you might be able to have a healthy relationship with her.
But, if you keep this up, you're likely to do with her exactly what she is doing with this guy: An unhealthy cycle of co-dependency and toxicity.
I really wish you the best.
OKAY...
Now that I've read the rest of what you've written:
Let me say that she is probably contacting you in order to keep you interested and "on the hook." If things don't work out with the other guy, she might want to get back together with you. The problem with that is, if she doesn't break her unhealthy pattern, she will hurt you again.
As for wanting her to be insane with jealousy: Who hasn't wanted an ex to feel that way? We've all been there. We want to show them that other people find us attractive and desirable, even if they don't see it. It's a way of calling them blind and reminding them of what they lost. That, though, is also unhealthy and can lead to obsession. It's also a sign that you may not have fully let go yet...
Your best bet is to gradually stop answering her texts or responding to any contact she makes with you.
There are so many nice women out there, and a nice guy like you shouldn't limit his prospects to one who certainly doesn't do anything for him.
Again, I wish you all the best!
2007-06-22 12:04:29 · answer #2 · answered by diva_500 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't sound as if you've really 'moved on' - that will happen when you have another girl friend whom you really care about. In the meantime, this ex is being nice and she's assuaging her guilt feelings. She knows she was abrupt and even if you two never get back together, she still has guilty feelings about that. She'd like to think you can still be a friend.
The real test of whether you can still be her friend is when all your time is taken up by a new girlfriend. Then you'll either socialize together as couples or she will start sounding like an annoying ex, always keeping in touch while you are with your new love.
2007-06-30 02:44:40 · answer #3 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't respond to anything that she says. She betrayed you, and for that, she deserves no attention. The frequent texts could be that she misses you and could be regretting going back with her ex, and by calling and texting, she is trying to hold on to the pieces of the relationship with you she once had. It seems to me that you want the relationship to be over, so don't even give her any thought, don't return her calls or anything. She needs to learn that she was wrong.
2007-06-22 12:01:28 · answer #4 · answered by Jasper 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best way to handle this would be to ignore her. She is attempting to start the same pattern with you as she has with the other guy. You seem nice and intelligent, you shouldn't be stuck worrying about some drama queen like that. If she just left you high and dry she doesn't deserve anymore attention.
2007-06-30 09:12:31 · answer #5 · answered by civic9497 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This girl has some issues that only she can fix. I would stop the texting. How childish is that? It sounds like she isn't happy in her new situation, because if she was, she wouldn't be texting you.
2007-06-30 10:22:38 · answer #6 · answered by Jennifer L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not sure what your question is here. But my answer is FORGET ABOUT HER, DON'T ANSWER HER TEXT MESSAGES AND START MOVING ON. She will keep you at arm's reach because she knows the other guy will probably dump her soon and she can have your shoulder to cry on when he does. Don't be a doormat.
2007-06-22 12:01:51 · answer #7 · answered by Jane Barleycorn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't answer her calls, texts, block her, change number, nothing at all... disappear from her life... that girl, the way she is, she's not worth to be ur girlfriend, friend, BFF, not even ur neighbour!
2007-06-30 07:35:22 · answer #8 · answered by ♥becauseisme♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i htink she misses you but if she's not going to admit that she needs you then i'm not completely sure it's worht it- you need someone who's honest with you (and is going to take care of herself since she juust went back to a bad relationship) and themself
good luck
2007-06-29 10:16:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should move on! You are too nice and sweet for her. She obviously is stupid, not to realize how much you loved her and she just threw it away.
2007-06-22 12:03:25 · answer #10 · answered by someonestolemyscreenname 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋