My brother is so out of control...?

Question

My Brother is 14 years old he is a smart boy but dosnt apply him self to anything...he is vary uncontrolable....and i feel he is slowly killing my father..he steals fom my dad and lies to him and makes threats at him like he going to hit him or going to kill him...my dad is also tryingto to teach him responsiblity so my dad is sorta making it easy for him...dad gives him one job and tells him u can work for hour a day on either job...but my brother dosnt do the job my dad gave him...example like cleaning the kitchen or doing some outside work that is not hard but my brother dosnt do it cuz he is either to tired or dosnt want to cuz he dosnt want to do it so when my dad gives him a consequence then he blows up and starts getting very viloent...my question is what should we do...my dad is also very sotfty and refuses to send him away or call the cops on him...what advise should i give me dad to help him control my brother?

Answer 1

Your dad sounds like my dad & your bro sounds like my bro. What to do? You can't force your father to do anything. I have learned that, but now I am trying to force my dad to be tough & he does but not 100%. Your bro is 14 and ur dad doesnt want him to have a criminal record or police trouble cause he is still in school and young. Maybe try giving him diffferent chores. Boys arent good at following demands. They are kind of on the lazy side & I have noticed that parents baby the boys in the family. In my house anyway! My bro is 35, rents an apartment from my dad, pays hardly didily squat & refuses to help or even make himself better. Part is my dads fault for having him live there the last 10 yrs. But he thought that my bro would at least have $$ in the bank. He has NOTTA! Instead he blows it all and has diff. girls over and takes advantage of his wonderful situation. Just recently, I tell my dad every day- kick him OUT! My dad is like, wheres he gonna go? Oh, he lost his car 2 months ago......so he has no car! I tell my dad - you are 69yrs old, who cares where he goes.....When you kick him out, you'll see he'll HAVE to be man, and you should see that while you are alive... Let your dad read this & when your bro decides to do nothing after High School, tell your dad to tell him, its time to move out & I will help in the beginning getting you situated. I have 2 boys (toddlers) and I have learned a BIG lesson thru my family on how NOT to be! My bro is killing my dad slowly too! I see my dad is disapointted & fustrated with him & feels pity for him. He couldnt even make it to Fathers Day cause he didnt have a car, LOSER! When in reality he should be driving the hottest car on the market and he lost a KIA! Please somehow talk to your dad to talk to him in a nice way, to avoid violence and maybe ask him what chores he wants, or what can he do to HELP, now that he is young...GOOD LUCK to you & your dad! Best thing for you is to avoid confliction and just help your dad.

Answer 2

Its not your job to do your parents work. Don't take on that responsibility. Where is your mother in all this? It seems that your parents should have started this 10years ago and its alittle late to be training this child in good behavior. I would advise that your father get some parenting advice from a family counselor that he see's with your brother. He isn't doing your brother any good by letting him get away with this stuff, but again, its not your place to parent your brother. You need to tell your dad that your brother scares you and you feel threatened. Perhaps that will push him into action before your brother kills somebody.

Answer 3

I'm guessing there's more going on here. Your brother sounds like he's very angry and discontent. It may be that he sees your Dad as weak because he's soft on him or there may be something else going on that is causing his attitude. The best thing would be for your Dad and your brother to see a family therapist who may be able to help them sort things out. I don't know if either of them will be up for it but it sounds like there's a need for professional intervention here.