How do you date a guy who doesn’t have money?

Question

This guy I have been dating for 3 months and I like very much banks probably $500 a month after paying his rent. So after food transportation expense, he doesn’t have much. He is foreign and he doesn’t have debt but he doesn’t really have any assets either like house or car or savings of any kind. I’m frugal but I do make good money and I want to do normal stuff like a movie or dinner once a week. I didn’t grow up rich so it’s normal for me to find fun things that are cheap but he mentioned “our going out to restaurants and him paying each time” the other day and it made me really upset because the last time we went out to eat was a month ago and I just got a Cesar salad (not because of money, that’s the only thing I wanted)

I do pay, I paid the bill the last time we went out, and the time before that we split it. I don't have a problem with it. But it hurts when you think about his life and limits constantly and he turns around and says something along the lines of "I'm doing more for you than I can handle"

Answer 1

Date em hell i married him. and we still married 32 years later. If he has values and is a good guy then so what if he cant take you out to eat more than once a month. What is more important to you the social aspect or someone who really cares for you. I would rather be at home with my rented moves and microwave popcorn than out on the town spending money i could be saving for those assets you spoke about. If going out is more important than finding true love than maybe you should move on. I personally think you may have a keeper on your hands you just haven't noticed that yet.

Answer 2

Why do you only mention the last time that you two went out to a restaurant? How many times did he take you to a restaurant in the two months prior to that? If it was just a couple of times then I could see you maybe being upset by his remark, but if it was much more than I can't.

You you make good money and want to do normal stuff and also want to date him, then either agree to pay your own way or to switch off on who pays for the date every time.

Additional: You know, you don't have to date any guy that you don't want to date. Nor do need another's approval if you are single and of legal age. So if you don't want to for whatever reason, whether it be an excuse or a concrete reason, then don't. This is always an option.

From what you've mentioned the only thing he has done negative to you is make a remark or remarks that you don't like. It's not like he's been beating you or taking your possessions or anything else. So there shouldn't be any muss or fuss if you decided to stop seeing him since there aren't any other issues involved.

Answer 3

Well you haven't been dating this guy for that long so first of all, whether you go out a lot, buy expensive food, or the opposite, you should go dutch, I'm a firm believer that if women want equal rights, then they should help pay too. Or you could be the one to pay every other time you guys go out, so he doesn't feel that he always is the one to pay.

Secondly, does he strive to make more money? Or is he happy that he is "comfortable" where he is? To me that makes a big difference. I don't need a guy to make a lot of money, I have no aspirations to be rich, but I want a guy who wants to work for more, just like I feel of myself. If this guy doesn't want more from life then what he has now, then sooner or later you will have more and more arguments about money, which is one of the top reasons for breakups and divorces.

In the end it's a personal decision, are you comfortable with how is lives his life? Is the fact that he doesn't make a lot of money okay with you? If you see this relationship going long term, how will all of this effect your relationship (marriage, kids, etc)? You have to ask yourself a few questions first to see in the end what you should do.

Answer 4

Well it's great that you're not shallow. I would just continue to finds things to do that are creative but not costly. If you both are on a tight budget then it will limit you to what you can spend right away but it shouldn't limit your fun capability. You will just have to plan and save for the more costly things. Just because it's this way now doesn't mean it will always be that way. He may get another job or you making more money that you both can take advantage of. This is not a big issue; enjoy each other. Be creative!!!
It's 2007; woman do treat their men now. There is nothing wrong with you taking him out especially if it's you that really wants to do something.

Answer 5

Money is not a requirement in dating. There are lots of things you can do together that don't cost a whole lot.
Rather than going to a reataurant eat at home.
Rather than a movie... drive to a beach and walk hand-n-hand and don't forget to bring a blanket.... The sand is cold at night.
You could drive you car on the dates.
You could pay at the restaurants.
You could have a picnic in the park.

Let me remember back went on a date for about $18 we took a train to Philadelphia and walked thru a park, shared a few pretzels on the steps of the Art Muesum

Answer 6

I have the same problem. He always never has money. All money are gone with bill and child support and rent. It's really tough for both of us but we love each other so much. And no matter how rich or poor he is, I always want to be with him and marry him. I don't want material thing from him, I just want love and happiness I got from him. I think you should work it out with him, share expense when you go out since you know that he doesn't really have money. I'm pretty sure if he has money, he's willing to pay for all dinner and everything. You need to try to understand him and encourage him to try to get better, get better job. And love him the way he is or just leave him if you don't really love him.

Answer 7

It's hard, because love is not about having money. Is there other ways that he makes you happy? Just make sure he is not using you or taking advantage of the situtation. I am in the same boat with this guy that i have been with for 10 months but he is trying to do better for himself. He got a better job to make more money. Even through he doesn't have alot of money he shows me with love and affection. I have dated guys with alot of money and it was missing something. So i think it is more about love, try not to focus on him not having money. Ask yourself where is his goals if those are the same as you then you are fine. Good luck!

Answer 8

You sound very shallow. There is more to life than a nicely lined wallet. If the guy treats you well and you like him who cares how much money he has. Sounds like he is a decent guy doing what he can to get by. You should be happy that he has a job and his own place. Why don't you go find a drug dealer who still lives with his mother. I'm sure he'll have a couple extra bucks to spend on you.

Answer 9

Give him time, I pay for most of me and my boyfriends meals and outings because i know that if he could pay for it he would. We both just started new jobs and i'm doing a little better than him and he works hard so why not treat him.
Let him know that you want to do nice things for him and tell him not to feel bad. Getting treated doesn't make him any less of a man.
If he tries to make you feel bad for wanting to go out, then go out by yourself or invite some friends. You shouldn't have to forgo fun because of money.

Answer 10

You've got a better man then most people do. He's got feelings too. Culturally, guys are expected to pay. If you want to go to the movie, order the tickets online. That way, you pay for them, but it's not putting him in the position of seeing you pay for them. Have a gift certificate for a restaurant. That way he won't feel as bad for you paying. He'll still know, don't lie to him, but protect his dignitiy.