Do you think this is rude?!?

Question

My boyfriend and I of 2 1/2 years received a wedding invitation in the mail only addressed to him from a couple who KNOWS we are dating. We have actually been dating longer than they have even known each other. I'm sure its assumed that I am invited but I think its quite rude that my name is not even listed on the invitation. It doesn't even say "guest". My bf thinks I'm blowing this out of proportion but I would never do that to someone else. What do you guys think?

I forgot to mention this is an out of state wedding. I can't imagine them thinking that my bf would travel alone and go alone. Why even bother inviting him if I wouldn't be invited. Just like a poster below said, "we go hand in hand". I'm most likely not going to say anything to the bride or groom about it. Whats done is done. I just wanted to see if the feelings I've been having could be validated. I would never think of inviting only one of them (pre-wedding) to an important function even if the budget was tight. I think of them as a couple and wouldn't try to cause any problems by inviting one or the other.

Answer 1

Yes, I think that is rude as well. It seems this is a common thing these days. I had the same thing happen to me a couple months ago. Not sure if it's just that people get too lazy to include your name also or they can't afford all those guests or what. My bf would think I was blowing it out of proprtion also, but whatever - it is rude. People really need to start getting with it!

Answer 2

If his invitation doesn't include your name, or 'and guest', then you are NOT invited. It may be an oversight - there is a lot to do leading up to a big, formal wedding, and there is lots of room for honest mistakes to creep in. But don't assume you are invited and crash the party. What should happen here is your boyfriend should ask your friend if the invitation includes you as well. That gives them the opportunity to say, 'Of course, and we can't imagine how her name was omitted' or they can say 'No, sorry. We had to cut the guest list.'
That means your boyfriend can either opt to go without you or stay home and go somewhere else with you.
Things like this do put a strain on relationships, but it isn't the end of the world, so don't make it a huge issue.
The classy thing to do, even if you are not on the guest list, is to send them the nicest wedding card you can find.

Answer 3

Lots of good answers here. Lots of heated, compulsive suggestions, as well.

Yes, it is true that they know you and understand the length of your own relationship...even longer than theirs. Not that it matters, but it is important to you.

Someone suggested that a friend or relative may have addressed the envelope for them, and not the the future bride.
This could be, but if you confront them with even an ounce of bitterness, it could be uncomfortable for everyone. You don't want to get mad for NOT being invited - then beg them to invite you. After all, are you furious at them or are do you really want to go to celebrate their happy wedding?

It's a tough decison, but this may be your solution. If your boyfriend can approach the groom in private, he can politely show the envelope to him and ask if there is "room" for him to bring a date. NOW WAIT!!!!!
This will either ring a bell and suggest a mistake, which will bring you an apology, or it will answer it by saying that they had WAY TOO MANY GUESTS. If this is the case, don't be upset. If they invited everyone they ever met to the wedding, they might get into the 1000's on the guestlist.

Sure you are important! sure you know them and they know that you are dating him longer than they have been dating. But they might have a budget to respect, which could be VERY EMBARRASSING if we were to ask,
"why wasn't I invited? "

Please don't put them on the spot. It is probably an oversight. Let your boyfriend confirm his invitation status WITHOUT using your name. This will set the record straight without showing anger or disrespect.

Answer 4

I assume that the couple are his friends or relatives or the invitation would have come to you. If you were not included on the invitation do not assume that you should go. Your boyfriend should call them up and confirm that he may take a guest.

If you feel slighted you should talk personally to the person about it. Don't be confrontational but just be honest on how it made you feel. Yes on the surface it is rude. They may have assumed that you would be there if he came so didn't think to put your name on it. You won't know till you ask them. If you can't resolve this you and your boyfriend, whom I assume you've made and he has made a commitment too should not go.

It may not have been their intention to be rude. Our society has become ruder and people no longer seem to think about the feelings of others.

Sincerely if this is a couple that you wish to continue relationships with you need to talk to them in person and work out the perceived slight. In a non confrontational even tempered way.

Answer 5

Based on the scenario itself, sure it's rude.
The only thing is, us readers do not know the history of your friendship or relationship with them. Has there been or are there current riffs between you and the married couple to be?
If there are no logical reasons why they "purposely" omit you from the invite then I would not take it too personal.
Wedding invitations have so many variations of formality.
If you want, why don't you just contact them and calmy inquire if you are invited? Just say, "We received the wedding announcement in the mail. I read the details and I noticed I wasn't addressed on the invite. Am I correct in assuming I am not invited?"

Answer 6

I think your right by having your feelings hurt, they should have included you. My brother has a long term girlfriend and I always include her, their not married but they go hand in hand. It may have depended on who wrote the invitation, so don't get too upset. Sometimes a family member or friend helps write them out and they may have not known when they saw the list. It's really kind of dumb on their part if they did leave you out... because we all know who buys the gift for the wedding and who makes sure our significant other remembers those dates ;) Guys aren't exactly wedding pro's.

Answer 7

The etiquette of sending a wedding invitation to a non married couple is to send one to the man, and a separate one to the female. For whatever reason, the couple only invited your boyfriend. He is the only one that is expected to show up. It is up to him whether or not he does this. Rude, perhaps. Tacky, yes. I hope you are not the controlling kind of girlfriend that won't allow him to attend if he wants to.

Answer 8

Well, perhaps they are working with a tight budget and are unable to allow him to bring you as a date. Never assume you are invited. If it is addressed to him and it doesn't say "and guest", than you are not. If you are really upset, call the bride and talk to her about it. Maybe there was some kind of mix-up.

Answer 9

Honey ur simply uninvited! Weddings are often very well organized and people double check on such things so that errors wont happen and embarrassments won't occur. They clearly don't want u at the wedding. And yes it is rude however don't take it as a bad thing. They probably have a good reason not to invite u.

Answer 10

If your name isn't on the invitation, or if it doesn't say "and guest," then you aren't invited.

However, it isn't correct to invite one half of an established couple to a social event. The couple getting married should invite both of you or neither of you.