Do you think a bride should change her name when getting married?

Question

As a bride, did you/are you going to change your name? I know it's traditional to take the man's last name, but I love my name and don't want to change it. I love my guy to death, but my name is part of my identity. So, do you think changing your name is a good thing or a bad thing?

Answer 1

I think changing your name is as good or as bad an idea as you think it is.

Several women I've known would never have dreamed of not changing their names because they felt it was part of their committment to their guys.

Others, including myself, have not changed our names because of personal identity or political belief. My name is a huge part of my identity. I love it. And as much as I love my husband, I never for a nanosecond considered changing my name to his. And no, there's nothing whatsoever wrong with his name. It's a nice one. It just isn't mine.

What's more, when I told him I was keeping my own name, he just looked surprised that I'd even had to say that out loud. He knew it already. I do love that man!

And then there are those who hypenate or choose a new name together.

I've known people who have made each of these choices for a variety of reasons. Ultimately the thing that matters most is that you and your guy are content with the choice you've made. There are hassles with each way and things that are easier with each, as well. So talk to your guy, and see what path is the one you want to take.

And remember: as long as you and he are content with the decision, you'll do just fine.

Answer 2

I changed my surname to my husband's, but it was after a LONG process of thinking and deciding. I'm an independent woman, with two degrees and a great career, with a wonderful family name I was born into - so I thought of keeping my maiden name. I knew NOT to hyphenate, because that causes all sorts of problems. When talking to my husband before we got married, he offered to take my maiden name and change his - so we could have ONE FAMILY name, because we were planning to have children. That's what made my decision - that the name wasn't what was important, I would still be the same person after marriage, and the "name" isn't my identity, I JUST AM. So I took on his surname, and am very happy that I did.
As a teacher, there are sometimes problems that come up with kids and their surnames, if they don't have ONE family name. There really can be identity troubles, if they have one parent's surname, and not the other; or if they have a hyphenated name; or a surname different than both parents. Somehow, they think then they don't belong.
So, mostly because of thinking about future children, I think it's best to have one surname the same as your husband.
I DO like the idea many women are doing now, of taking their maiden name as their middle name, then having the husband's surname as their own. I think it's a fine compromise. As it stands for me now, when I want to use my maiden name, it has to be bracketed - Jane (Doe) Smith.
Good luck in deciding...

Answer 3

My husband is American and I'm Hispanic and when we got married I didnot want to change my last name because I felt the same way you did. My last name was part of my identity and defined me as who I was. I explained to him that when my parents got married in Puerto Rico my mom keptherlast name and it wasn't until she moved to the States that she took my father's last name. Some cultures do that. He wasn't in complete agreement at first because he is very traditional in some aspects but after bringing up the points that I just did to you he agreed. After seven years I'm thinking about hyphenating it so therefore I can have the best of both worlds. Either way he feels that in the long run it is my name and I have to live with what makes me happy and he is ok with that.

Answer 4

First off I want to say congrats!!!! I took my husband's last name when we got married. I don't think that it is a good thing or a bad thing. It is your personal decision. I do think that you should talk to your fiance about how you feel and see how he feels about it. If the two of you are truly in love then I think that is the only really important thing. Although I do have to say if the two of you plan to have children it may be a good idea to take his last name, so that it is not confusing for them why their parents have different names.

Answer 5

Stay who you are & if anyone (especially your fiance) says you "should" etc. I would think twice about that person & their values. Just because something is traditional doesn't make it right. It is not about commitment to your husband cuz if that were true, than why don't they automatically take wife's name to show their commitment? There are many "reasons" that people will give you of why you should, the most famous ones are it would be too confusing on what to address you, what about your children etc. We are not possessions, yet society encourages girls to look forward to being mrs. ......., & if you look into history, the "mrs." is to signify possession by husband. Have you ever found it interesting that there is nothing that signifies that a male is married? My sister-in-law recently married, kept her name and the people who know & care about her are not confused on how to mail her things, or how to introduce her, etc. If she gets mail addressed to mrs. or husband's last name she "returns to sender", and if she gets phone calls addressing her as mrs. or by husband's last name then she knows to end the call as the person obviously does not know her. Also, even if your fiance is "okay" with you keeping your name, find out how your fiance feels about children having your last name vs his. Bet you will hear some interesting arguments why their last name should be his. Just think about it, why not have the children that come from your body have your name. Why not carry your name on? My biggest regret was not giving my 2 older children my last name and their father's their middle name. My oldest son from my first marriage would rather have my last name but feels that he is too established to change it (he is 21). My 2nd husband took my name as his middle & I took his as my middle name. Our children have his as their middle name & mine as last. Not confusing to anyone, not even teachers. Their identity is not an issue. Good luck! Remember this: why do we become someone else for the sake of tradition?

Answer 6

Personally Im for it, though I know a lot of women that are not.

I didnt get married to lose myself, or reduce my identity. I got married because my sweetie is incredible, and the idea of the rest of my life lived without that wonderful person looked like living perpetual heart bankruptcy. It was not a settling down, but a step up to a new adventure, a new challenge, and a very very sweet relationship. I wouldn't trade my marriage for the world.

I can understand if you cant commit your name to him, or his name isnt sufficient enough or appropriate enough for your identity.

We all have to make our choices and live with them. You are the first person who has to be okay living with the choices you make, so make ones that you can live with.

Answer 7

It is all up to you. Does your future husband have a problem with you not changing your last name? If so, then I would think about changing it but if not then just keep yours. You can always do the hyphenated....(your first & last name-his last name). Congrats though on your upcoming wedding.

Answer 8

i think it's a personal decision each bride needs to make on her own. I've had this conversation with my fiance and we decided that i should keep my last name... I do know plenty of other women though who are more that happy to take their husbands name.

Answer 9

That is really a very personal decision. For me, I am so glad to get rid of my name. I have absolutely no contact with my father or any part of his family. So I simply do not identify with it.

A friend of mine was close to her (BIG) family and wanted to keep her name. She didn't want to hyphenate. AND she wanted to take her husband's name as a way to start their own family. She changed her middle name to her family's surname and took her husband's last name.

Answer 10

I think you should change your name and I will be. Why even bother to get married if you arent going to? At least hyphenate it.

If you love your last name and identify with it then why don't you take a page from Spanish culture. There your maiden name becomes your middle name instead of the complicated hyphenations so if you are Jane Smith you would become Jane Smith Jones.