My "mother in-law" claims...?

Question

to be a christian. Her son and I have lived together 17 years and have raised 2 children. True life is not always easy for us and we have many struggles. She claims the reason life is so hard for us is because we are not "christians". Christians go to church and she feels since we are not married, nor go to church that we are living in sin and are enternally damned. I was married 20 years ago and have not been able to get divorced though I have attempted to. I am tired of her preaching about how damned we are, and she feels free to tell my kids this as well. Since she is a christian does this give her the right to judge us? I am all for God, but how do I tell her that I think she is full of it?

Answer 1

The irony is that marriage is spoken of in the Bible but, is is never spoken in a ceremony. Going to church does not make you a Christian nor does constantly judging those that do not. I am a Christian pastor and my family has struggles all the time. It is part of life. We have bills due, temperaments are different in the homes and we are with the same people day in and day out. Your mother in law needs to get a life and allow y'all to live yours. She seems to have her sainthood already and needs to be told that being humble and docile is the best entity for her right now because the Bible speaks against what she is doing. God Bless you and you all will be alright!

Answer 2

She has not been appointed by God to Harass the 2 of U. BUT (BIG BUT) She has a Vested Interest in Ur Lives Anyway!!! U are "Involved" with Her Son & have decided to bring Children into this World Without a "Legitimate Family Structure" as recognized even Outside of Christianity!!! This, if U ONLY use Statistics, will be a VERY TRYING & UNSTABLE SITUATION for BOTH the Parents, BUT Especially for the Children!!! And this, as U write, is Exactly what U describe is it not??? Why can't U get a Divorce is my first question??? There are MANY Reasons that are used to get out of a marriage as seen everyday. It seems that after 20 years away from Ur EX, that a Good Reason would be "Abandonment" would it not??? A quick search here on the Web shows about 100 different "Do-it-Yourself Divorce Kits" that range from about $29.99 to over $100, so what is the REAL PROBLEM HERE??? Ur Partners' Mother CANNOT BE BLAMED for the Problems the 2 of U have Manufactured!!! She is Wrong if she is saying U are "Eternally Damned for Ur Sins" as Christ has already paid for them!!! What will send U, like All Others, to Hell is Failure on Ur part to Accept Jesus Christ Period!!! That being said, what are U & partner doing to see that the Children, for whom U are Responsible, are being "Trained up in the Way they should go." (Following the Lord) so that when they grow up they might Accept Christ & in so doing go to Heaven??? Sounds to me that U are All About U here. Just worrying about Urself with NO THOUGHT for the Childrens' Future & Integration into Society without the Stigma of being a "Child out of Wedlock", is that the case??? She, as a Christian, has a DUTY to Protect Her Grandchildren from "Eternal Damnation" whether U like it or Not until they are old enough to leave home!!! She is Charged by God to do so while U Fail to even meet Societys' "Family Standards", much less Acknowledge Gods Divine Mandates!!! Have U ever asked Why U are in such Rebellion, fighting so hard against All Authority??? I think U need to Re-Examine Ur Life Choices, Everybody but U CAN"T be Wrong!!! With God All Things are Possible says Scripture and I think that would be My first Stop on the "Road to Ur Recovery" and solving Ur Problem. It wouldn't hurt to draw closer to Grandma for some help in that direction as well. I'm Sure she has a Bible which is our "Lifes' Guidebook" that the 3 of U could Learn From!!! Life is hard for U because the 2 of U Lack Integrity, not because U not Christians!!! If U Do become Christians, Life won't get any "Easier" either, but U Will have (if U are Devoted to Studying Scripture) developed the "Capacity" for "Integrity" to be able to deal with Problems Scripturally within Gods' Will!!! So, You now have the Answer to Ur Problem, do U have the "Intestinal Fortitude" to USE IT??? John

Answer 3

Since the two of you aren't christians, you are free to live in sin. And since you've chosen to live outside of the laws of God, you are free to have struggles--struggles you would not have, were you following Christ. There are ways of dealing with your particular circumstances and were you serious about getting a divorce, you would speak to an attorney and get it done; so don't make excuses in this regard.

Since God has given you a free will, you are also free to reject christianity. You can live your life in whatever manner you choose, contrary to His plan of salvation. And although your mother-in-law is deeply concerned about you, she needs to drop this issue. She isn't judging you when she tells you the truth, and she's not full of it. YOU are full of it when you say you're "all for God," yet you continue to live in sin. Still, it's your choice and your mother-in-law should let it go. Hopefully, your children will come to the reality of Christ as they mature. It would be unfortunate, if they followed in your footsteps.

Answer 4

It is judgmental and condemning, but some Christians feel they can judge because the bible teaches something. according to the bible living as a husband and wife without actually being married is a sin and leads one to hell. Some churches and Christians judge not only people like yourself, but legally divorced and remarried people. Jesus himself said that if you divorce and remarry with the exception of your spouse cheating on you then you are an adulterer and therefore are not in God's grace.

I was a very devout Christian and when I realized that I must divorce my first wife because our marriage was destroying not only me and her, but our children, I was not able to attend some churches because in their eyes I was an adulterer, and my dear wife I am now married to is sometimes looked upon as the other woman and an adulteress even now after 14 years of marriage. My second wife was 23, a virgin when we married and loved God and the bible even to this day is faithful in the Christian walk, but is still looked at as an adulteress in some churches.

Just tell your mother in law to mind her own business and quit telling your children these hurtful things. I agree with those who say if she continues, then limit her contact with your children. after all you have a right to protect your children from hurtful opinions.

BB

Answer 5

Regarding divorce and remarriage, Christians are called to peace regarding this. If the first mate was abusive, for example, you are not bound in such a matter.

That you did not undergo a ceremony where the two of you would have been married is actually irrelevant. Two people living together in such a relationship as yours are indeed married in regards to what is called a common-law marriage.

You could ask the mother in law where in scripture it says you have to be married by a minister.

You could also ask her why Jesus commands his followers not to judge others in a condemnative way like she does, and ask her if this would not demonstrate she must therefore not be Christian herself?

Answer 6

As long as the mother isn't harming the child in anyway, it should be no concern to them. Somebody may call a mother who is formula feeding a bad mother, but I don't see them offering to breast feed the child in exchange or vice versa. I'm not implying that either side is right, but why criticize someone if you're going to do nothing to better the child except rant at the mother?

Answer 7

Life is a struggle for everyone - Christian and non-Christian alike. It's the struggle that teaches us the lessons of humanity.

Clearly you have been blessed with a wonderful, long-lasting union. As one of the previous posters stated, 17 years is so much longer than many people married in a church. Accept your blessing and cherish it as such. Remove negative people from your life as peacefully as possible. Pray for your mother-in-law's obviously pained spirit and ask God to help you to forgive her for persecuting your husband and you which she does because of her own inadequacy and unhappiness.

Mambo Michele
http://www.vodouspirit.com

Answer 8

Why are you unable to get a divorce?


I think that it is possible for you to be married to someone in the eyes of God which is different than being married in the eyes of the man made law.
Your mother in law is judging you and it is not her place to do so, she is not God and does not get to decide if you go to hell or not. She is trying to use God as a weapon and God is not a weapon for any person to use, you need to put your foot down and put a stop to this immediately. It is wrong of her to say these things to your children and to you. You should tell her straight out that if she says these things to you even one more time or to your children that you will not longer see her or speak to her. Tell her she is trying to use God as a weapon and God can not be wielded as a weapon by anyone.
Jesus is my church, he is not a building down the street, you can go to him anytime, anywhere. Prayer works, try talking to God in Jesus' name it can change your life for the better.
Peace and Love and may God Bless you.

Answer 9

Memorize this:
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

That's Matthew 7:1-3. AND it's Jesus's words.

You can also continue with this:

What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked man from among you."

That's 1 Corinthians 5:12.

I'm a Christian, and I think her behavior is reprehensible.

Answer 10

She's not doing a very good job of warning you...you can tell her it's the Holy Spirit's job to convict, and coming from a human it only sounds condemning, some sort of guilt trip.
Seriously, she will be how she will be, to attempt to change another person without them wanting to is equal to trying to grab the wind.
FOR YOURSELVES--- see what you can do to end the one marriage so that you can re-marry. Since you tried to before, I am sure you still want to. Right?