Dating single dad, too soon for his kids??Please help?

Question

I've been friends with single dad since Feb of this year. We've been dating since April. I've met his kids 5 & 12, once; last week we went to the movies and dessert with the kids. I really like him, but know that I need to consider what's in the kids best interest along with what we want.
I was supposed to be getting married on June 30th, the engagement was called off I've been single for 2007...but single dad wanted to do something fun with me on this date, which I think is cool.
That's a kids weekend and his parents have asked to have the kids. But he will need to transport the kids to his parent's city (5 hours away) on June 29th.
He's asked that I go with them, so we can drop them off and go on our own afterwards which I'm fine with, but now he wants us to stay the night at his parents house with the kids...I've met his parents and they actually want us to stay the whole weekend, but we would just stay 1 nite
I'm just worried about it being too soon for the kids...what should I do?

Answer 1

Stina, I think that you are right. If your new guy friend has been recently divorced, it seems too soon to introduce a new woman into the picture. You should speak to him about your concerns. After all, you have only been dating a short while. You said that you liked him, and that is great, however, what if things just don't work out and the kid's form an attachment to you? I am by no means saying you might not develop a great relationship with this man, but it is a bit fast. You have not been single for very long either. Why is he in such a hurry to have you stay over at his parents? I am sure you are a nice person, otherwise you would not be concerned about the children first. Make sure he is not looking for something more from you, like an instant new wife and mom. I would pass on the weekend invite or see if he can meet you at a half way point the next day. If you are uncomfortable,tell him how you feel, and if he is a good guy, he should understand your reasoning. I think that going out with the kid's to a movie and dessert was fine, but he really is moving a bit fast. He is probably a little over anxious because he cares about you a lot.

Answer 2

I was the kid in this situation LONG ago... I loved my step mom to pieces, and could not have cared LESS! the one I'd be worried about is the 12 year old. Make your decision based on vibes from that kid. And may I say, what a lovely person you are to be considering the kids first and foremost... Also, be sure that YOU will be comfortable. Don't use the kids as an excuse if you are less than perfectly cozy with this idea. There's no rush. He probably really likes you and want to gage how you jive with the kids over a weekend, see if he can see you all together as a family. I gotta say, HAVE FUN if you go. Play with the kids, take them shopping, bake cookies, do art projects, get messy! Above all be confident, you're lovely, I 'm sure. Good luck whatever you decide.

Answer 3

It's perfectly OK. I'm a single mom and I'm dating a single dad. It's been almost 3 years now. My son really doesn't get along with his kids though. But I think it's just an age thing. They are younger than him and he acts a lot older than he really is. Plus it's only been me and him since he was born. But it's slowly getting better. There are little problems with not having enough time by ourselves because someone always has kids. It all depends on your situation too. Is she just looking for a new dad for her kids? Do you just want a lady to take care of yours? If you do end up dating is it understood the kids are first no matter what your plans are? It's been almost 3 years now and we have had no major troubles. I wish you luck.

Answer 4

You are right to consider the kids. Just talk to the dad and tell him your concerns. If for ANY reason you think this may not work out, it will really hurt the kids if they get attached to you and then you guys break up. Keeping things low key with them is definately the way to go if your unsure at all. Could a hotel also be an option? I understand you don't want to offend his parents either, but they are adults and if you tell them your concerns about the kids they will probably be very understanding.
Good Luck

Answer 5

That is actually very respectful of you to think of them. Maybe the night at the parents you two could sleep apart if you are worried about it. Or, maybe you can talk to the father and see if he would talk to them about it (in a very PG way of course) I think those are your only two options. Hope you have a good time though!
At least his family seems to like you, that is good news ;)

Answer 6

Go with you gut feeling

If you don't feel comfortable then don't, I really believe its too really for his kids to have met you you and him barely know each other

Answer 7

I think you should go and make the best of it . they obviously like you enough to invite you and that is a good thing if you dont go they might think you dont like them and that would hurt them ,so just go and have a good time . good luck to you .

Answer 8

do you love him?
if u love him i think u have to accept his two kids.
u can try to be friend with his two kids.
kids are cute if u can control them.
about this weekend.
u can try to stay for whole weekend. it will not bored i think. for his kids of course. if they feel comfy with u. they will love u as their mom.

Answer 9

play games with them, and get to know them.

if they like doing stuff with you, then its not too soon.

take them places etc.

show them that u are their friend and it wont be too soon.