Should I tell my children about my wife's affair?

Question

I will be divorced next month from a woman that I was married with for 18 years. The reason for the divorce is that she cheated on me and brought the guy to our house while I was away at work. She would even have sex with him in the back seat of our car prior to picking up my girls. I have 3 daughters, 17, 13 and 8. It breaks my heart that they will never have a normal familly again. I had my suspisions about her affair so I put a voice activated recorder in the car. It was then that I found out out she was having sex with this man in my car and I would listen to all their conversations and even having sex. After they had sex the guy would ask my X if he could have sex with my oldest daughter and my wife just giggled. Of course I can't use those recordings in court and she ended up having custody of the kids and I'm left all alone. I want to tell my oldest two so they would know why I detest their mother. What should I do?

Answer 1

WOW...I cant believe your wife would be with someone who would make comments like that about your daughter. I think that you could go to the police and say that your wife is endangering your children. As far as telling your children....dont get into details. This is grown up business and your children shouldnt be exposed to such behavior. Tell them only what they need to know to understand why you are divorce.....mommy had an affair. Good Luck...and I am sorry about your situation. This sounds very difficult.

Answer 2

What a B****!!! First of all you definitely need to tell your 2 older girls about this...and maybe you should say something to the 8 year old. If this guy ever comes around the house with your wife and daughters he may try something in your daughters. If some guy really asked if he could have sex with my daughter and I had 3 of them...I would be afraid of him raping or molesting them!! I would tell them for their protection against this guy. You should have definitely used the recording in court because she is putting her kids lives in danger if this guy ever comes around.

Answer 3

I think you should. If that b i t c h has custody of your girls and you are left alone, God knows what she is telling them. Your not there to defend yourself. It's so sad and it will be so difficult, but you have to honest and tell the two oldest girls.

Your ex is disgusting. I despise woman like her and you have to save your girls from thinking the way she does. The way she treats sex!

She has no morals, values, pride or respect if she could have sex with some geek in a car when she's married with three children. She's just a slut and you have to explain to your girls how disrespectful that is. Just stop them from thinking like her.

The woman your truly meant to be with has not yet arrived, but she will. Your ex will suffer from this. Tell your ex "the good come with the BAD" I wish you all the luck.

Answer 4

Talk to a therapist about it. Your family probably should have some kind of counseling to help them get over the breakup. I'd also be very concerned about this jerk wanting to have sex with your oldest daughter. The fact that your wife "giggled" about it means she has air where her brains should be and is not thinking about the harm that could come to her daughter(s). This is not a good situation so you need all the help you can get and so do your daughters.

Answer 5

I would tell the eldest, the 17 year old. The other two, well, i wouldn't tell them. I can't begin to feel your pain, but it makes you wonder how it got to this point. Don't be miserable about it man, think of it as an opportunity. Now you can do whatever you want. Oh, and let the 17 year old hear the recordings, let her be aware of her rights, especially if her new daddy becomes a little frisky. Good luck sir.

Answer 6

You can't involve your children in this. It's wrong. You can go to social services with the tapes and express your concern. You can tell your oldest two daughters to please be aware that they are gorgeous girls, and if someone (no names) ever tries to be inappropriate with her, she's to tell someone (a teacher, the police) immediately.

Tell them you love them. You worry about them. Then you be the best father you can be. Chances are, your daughters know or suspect what went on . Kids are so much smarter than adults give them credit for.

If you drag your ex through the mud with them, it'll only splash back up on you. You have to be the best father you can be. Be there for them as much as you can. Always participate in their school activities.

Do the right things, and it all works out. Really it does

Answer 7

well im 15, and my dad was talking to other women in secret so when my mom found out she told us about, and it almost lead to a divorce because of all the arguing. I think its best to tell your children about whats going on just not what your wife, or ex wife is doing with the guy. That way if anything happens they understand why and your kids wont be upset with you for keeping it a secret.

Answer 8

hi there if iwas you i would have let my lawyer hear those recordings and if they had to be played in court then that is the way ....i would be going of my nut to think that this creep is near any of my kids and i would use these recordings any way i could ,look youre in a situation that you can not sit back and let youre girls be with there mother while this creep is hanging around .....as for telling the girls what there mother did ....well they could already know .....kids are not stupid as a lot of may think ,they hardly ever miss a trick so when you see them let them know that you know that there mother is seeing someone else .......but this bit is really important and never forget this bit ....as angry as you are with there mother never call her names and give her a bad time as you have to remember that she is there mother and ....this bit is where im going .......youre daughters are in the middle ,i know that you did not cause any of this but the girls are in the middle so be very careful how you talk about there mother if they start going on about things that they are not happy .....and they will trust me on this ,you can then go to court and start getting those kids back with you ........i know what im talking about as my x husband di the dirty on me and well lets say things are not the best at the moment but iknow that my girls will come and talk to me when things are going wrong at there dads ,as i have never said anything really bad about him in front of the kids ,ive said that what he did has hurt me and we can never live together again .....being really diplomatic about the situation .......i know youre hurting and i really hope thing work out for you ....good luck and take care xx

Answer 9

I'm sorry to read about your situation. We all face very difficult times in life, and none of us have the right answers. Trust in the lord and ask for his guidance in this situation. This is the best advice that I, or anyone can offer you. Pray that you and your family come out of this as best you can. Keep speaking to your children, and try not to show them any hate towards there mother. If they do ask, tell them, but don't get into too much details,as they are still quite young. And try to protect your daughter against this man. If his intentions towards her have been expressed to her mother and she just laughed, he probably will try to act upon it. Take care, and God bless you and your family

Answer 10

You already have a difficult situation. If there were arguments they may already know. No one wins in a divorce.

You can't use the recording in court but you can take them to the social service agency in your area. They may want to know that the b/f has in interest in your daughter

Otherwise, just be the best dad you can. That's what your children will remember when they get older, and that's what counts.