Thinking of placing my 25 yr. old disabled daugher in a group home but not too sure about it. I am stressednow

Question

I am 52 yrs old and going threw menopause and that doesn't help my stress either. Maybe i just need a weeks break/vacation now.
Thank you for your time.

Answer 1

Hey,you it`s o.k. We`re here for YOU. Heres what i suggest,stay wit me now.1.Your daughter been with you all this time,and rihgt now you feel like you can`t do it anymore,and all the walls are closing in on you,guess what???? anyhting worth anything is a struggle.2.We,are not gonna send her to no group home,NO!!!!!3.Now,WE are gonna get on our knees and pray,then we gonna open that Bible to Matthew 8:8/Psalms 51 and guess what Psalms 27./4.You,are a rock[blessed].We as parents,know that when we had these children that it is our second job o.k.We will tell that mean old menopause BACK UP OFF ME,IN THE NAME OF JEESUUS;YEAH]5.stress is only a mind thing,YOU can control this.6.When you feel like you can`t take it ,go to a quiet place and relax,release,relate...now count yourself back to the now.Tell yourself I Love Me abd I Love My Daughter.7.Get some TEA[calendula flowers,steep 1 cup of fresh flowers in 1 quart of water for 15 min.,strain and add to the bath/also,black willow tea-1 heapin tsp.of this bark in 1 cup of water for 10 min.strain and sip 1-2 cps per day.]Take your break,excercise,be creative.8.If,you can get someone to stay with your daughter and relax.9.Above,all don`t give up!!!!!!!!!!!!10.GET BACK AT ME.I HAVE SOME MORE INFO.You both are in my prayers.

Answer 2

May I suggest you contact various homes and ask the following;
What type of programs do they run through the day, or are the clients sent off to other day services etc.
What are the qualifications of staff, and are staff police checked.
How many clients does the home support, and how many staff are on at night.
Are the rooms alarmed (if a client feels ill, or a staff member needs assistance they can call for help).
How many people sleep to a room, usually 1-2 beds.
Is clients personal property kept in a safe place etc.
Does the house met safety standards, and is the front and back yard secure (fenced with locks)
And dependant how disabled your daughter is, do they have the appropriate equipment to help, bath, dress etc.

Also ask if you may inspect the home, preferably when they have few clients at home, so you can see them interact with staff and other clients. Most decent home will be more than happy for you to inspect there homes.

And ask do they offer a respite service, where you can leave your daughter there for a night, then two, then three and so on, so she can get used to the routine, staff and clients.

The other option is to find a service that offers respite service. Which can give you a regular break, maybe the weekends.

I hope this helps

Answer 3

First thing to do is pray. Second check out the homes in your area. Make sure that they are safe and that she will get the help she is needing. Take her with you and see how she reacts with the other residents at the home. Let her know that she is not a causing you any trouble and that you love her.Most group homes don't have a placement for just a week.
But local nursing homes do take people for care if a love one needs a break. Check in on that two. I know it would be hard to place a person your daughters age in a home but if it is only for a week or two it probably give you the break you need.

Answer 4

This is hard with out knowing more about the group home.
It could work for good or bad.

what type of disability does she have. Do you know the other living in the home and their friends and staff if it has staff. If she has a mild disability it could make her more independent. One of my friends lived in a home with other girls, she was timid and had a hearing impairment, learning disability. Anyway the boy friend of another girl rape her. She now has some type of metal illness as well with that and other things.

If she has a more server disability then you need to check the staff. The rate of abuse use to be very high, as they are like sitting ducks. These days all staff and volunteers have police checks before working.


So keep lines open. Sorry to tell you this sad story.

Answer 5

Check out the home carefully, then do it if it feels right. It is important that your daughter have a place to live and her own life. You will not be there forever. Too many people keep their adult children at home, then become disabled or die and the child not only loses a parent, but also a home.

It is a difficult thing to do, but best all around for both both of you. Just visit a lot.

Answer 6

Two of the people I know are group home parents and they are wonderful. Group homes can be right for some and not for others. If I knew more about your daughter, I would probably be able to be more helpful, Sorry. I hope everything works out for you. I sometimes wish I could live in a group home...I'm 26 and I have Bipolar...and I still live with my folks and get lonely all the time.

Answer 7

Find out if you can do a "trial run" with her in a group home. We did that with my mother, and it turned out so well she just stayed.

You didnt say what her disabilities are so its hard to provide a really informed answer. Is she capable of understanding your situation?

Dont let her or other family or friends or society guilt you into feeling its "your duty" to keep her at home.

Your life is important, you are a valuable person and you do only get one go-around here so DONT short change yourself. Your life is not less important than hers is.

You dont love her less by doing what you have to do for yourself. Even love has its limits.

IF you are at the end of your rope your daughter is going to feel it, and its not good for either of you. Your relationship could very well improve, you could be more loving and supportive by NOT supporting and caring for her in your own home.

You will not always be there for your daughter and living on her own, albeit in a home, will be an easier transition for her NOW, while you are there to support her with the move.

I would think making this transition for her now would be considered part of your responsibility and love for her.

Making the move without your support, when you die, is going to be so much harder for her.

I dont want to be a real downer here, but this is the reality. If it comes at the same time as losing you then she will probably feel totally abandoned and it will be so much more stressful for her.

Have you looked into finding Respite Care in your area? Take some time to be on your own, think about this, see the pros and cons, realize the move IS going to come, sooner or later ? Time to step back, exhale and be objective?

Support Groups related to your daughters disability could be a source of information for you.

I have a tip for you, "Dr. Chistiane Northrup", see link below, she does fabulous PBS shows on menopause and how to deal with it, what helps - supplements, what foods to eat etc.

Check listings in your area and try to catch her on PBS - its very informative.

Answer 8

For over 38 years of my life I have been a caregiver and it is not easy at times. I am good at doing my job. I took a client to Vegas on a big jet airliner once and listened to the sturdiest explain that if necessary O2 masks would drop from the ceiling and I was to put mine on first so I would then be able to attend to my client. You need to take care of yourself first. Stress is not good for you or anyone. For a quick break I let the phone ring a few extra times, for a vacation I leave all of it behind. I have kids too and I have a life to live. I am thankful through my efforts others can too.

Answer 9

hi you have looked after your daughter for 25 years and it must have been really hard for you ,you dont say how severe her disability is ,look around at some homes ,do you have a social worker that could help you ,? you need a break ,she may love it if you pick the right home with people her age ,i know shes your daughter and you love her but you need to start thinkng about you too ,are there homes where she could spend the week there and come home at weekends ? i dont know anything about this subject ,i just wanted to let you know your not on your own lots of people have these kind of problems , it will be hard for you to let her go but it could do you both the world of good ,xxx

Answer 10

What kind of disability does she have?

Try to find out what kind of services and resources might be available in your community. Try calling doctor's offices, social services, or group homes like the one your daughter might be placed in. They might be able to help you find some agencies that can help.

I work for a state agency that provides services for people with developmental disabilities, and we are funded by Medicaid. One of the services is respite care, that is, taking care of the disabled individual temporarily while the family members get a break. Maybe your state has something similar.

Answer 11

What is the disability, ( if you dont mind), and where are you located?
In NY you can contact YAI .
It is a large nfp agency with group homes for several different kinds of dissabilities.
The place is amazing, the homes are beautiful, and the staff are top notch.
You can go to YAI.org, and find all of the info you need, and if nothing else they can point you in the right direction.