Is it bad to cry at someones funeral, if you were told at a young age that it was a bad thing to...?

Question

to...cry at somebodys funeral?? I have to go, ok I don't have to I choose to, go to a funeral of a dear friend tomorrow...and I feel like crying a lot, but when I was 11 my cousin told me that it was not a good thing to cry, he said I had to be strong for the grown ups and other grandkids of my grandad who were crying... I was the only one who was tough enough and brave enough to not cry, I haven't cryed at a funeral since..and this time I think I might...I don't want to let anybody down, for me crying...I don't know if its ok to..


Is it ok to cry at a funeral when you've been told by someone you trust and look up too says you should be tough and not cry..??

P.S. I'm 14 now.

and I'm scared to cry...I don't cry infront of poeple easy, everybody says its a guy thing, but Im a GIRL...and yeah.....

He was a grown up too...he was the old priest at my church, he baptised me, and watched me grow up from a baby to a teen...he's not gunna be there for me to get con, hmm con..con somthing.. i cant spell it or pronounce it...

thanks for all the help...:)
I kinda feel better...

Answer 1

I know and sometimes its a cultural thing and sometimes its a macho thing.
My best friends dad died when he was 18. My friend Nicky, was the baby in the family and all of his older brothers told him not to cry, that he was a man and he should notl . I had to tell him he was human and his daddy's baby so it was okay to cry and if he did I would hold his hand, which I did.
It is okay to cry whether you were11,14,18,28,68. it is a sign of feeling something for the person that has gone on. Not crying makes the person seem cold.

Answer 2

A funeral is not somewhere you have to try to proove your manhood. Your cousin is not telling you the whole truth.

This deceased person was your friend. You cared for them. If you feel sad and want to cry then do it. Crying is not something to be ashamed of. Crying is being man enough to express your feelings for someone who is no longer with you.

At some point, your cousin told you that it was not ok to cry. He might have told you that because it hurt HIM to see you cry. He might not have wanted to know how sad you really were/are. It might have made HIM feel better. That does not mean that crying is something you shouldn't do.

A lot of families find it comforting to see friends of the deceased cry. By seeing you cry they can see your pain. They can feel as if someone else understands.

There is absolutely no reason not to cry. I hope this helps and I'm terribly sorry for your loss.

Answer 3

yes life is cruel but everything that happens emotionally wise only ou can sort out if you cry at a funeral thats allowed thats what they are for remebering good times and letting all of that negative built up emotion go. Tough is someone who can not be manipulated by anyone stand up to themselves on a reasonable ground sometimes it is best to walk a way and do your own thing get through school worry about your self and those that mean the most to you. in the end you only have your self and the people you rely on and the people who rely on you they are called family and friends and as for letting people down don't beat your self up you don't tiptoe around friends house when you stay over there what are you afraid of their parents just respect their property and don't eat all their food and soft drink you have along time to work it out but only 4 years to get a job and be financially dependant of yourself good luck and WELCOME TO LIFE

Answer 4

It is never ok to bottle up your feelings, and I'm sure the lack of emotion @ the funeral when you were 11 could have struck some people as creepy or sociopathic behavior.

It's ok to grieve, and part of that is being able to cry with others. Everyone is at the funeral for the same reason, to remember their friend/family & grieve the loss. When people
dont cry or at least mourn appropriately then it can add an uneasy energy to a funeral.

don't keep your feeling locked inside, express them, otherwise they eat you from the inside out.
******
Your cousin was taught unhealthy stress coping strategies by someone older who was taught those same unhealthy ways of dealing with their emotions.
*even though he is older now, these flawed strategies for coping were probably taught to him at a very early age, and probably in a very unpleasant fashion*
Emotions are chemical reactions in your brain resulting from external or internal stimuli, and you can not control them. You can channel them in productive ways through greif, remembrance, challenge/adversity, lessons learned... etc.

The thought that you can safely & effectively ignore or change your emotions is false & dangerous. The people who abide by this edict are usually violent, distressed human beings.

Answer 5

Babe.......... U cry, it is ok to cry, u dont want to bottle up your feeling inside because as u get older your heart will be as hard as a brick and u will start to battle with your emotion b cuz u wont let them come out. U do not have to be strong 4 no one, u r hurting and u need someone to comfort u. Do not let people tell u its not ok to cry or it not ok 4 a man to cry, b cuz most men who were told that drown their feeling by drugs, sex or drinking alcohol.Dont let that b u sweetie. When my baby girl was accidentally killed 2 years ago, my boyfriend and i cried. We r supposed to cry babe when we r feeling sad. Plus it helps ease the pain. I'm so sorry 4 the death of your close friend. U dont have to cry in front of people, u can get by yourself and cry it out.

Answer 6

it is totally OK to cry at a funeral. I have been to many, and it is absolutely natural thing to cry for the person you have lost, so don't be afraid to be yourself and cry if you want to. No matter what advice u r given in life, it needs to jive with what you feel in your gut is the right thing for YOU to do. Trust yourself. Crying shows you cared, crying shows you loved, so what's wrong with that? sorry for your loss.

Answer 7

ok, im sorry but HELLO! WAKE UP. im only eleven, and even i no this, who ever told you that you have to stay strong for all the people pouring like rain, is wrong. adults should really be th ones "supposed" to stay strong, but if you are sad, cry. and the adults should too. it will show you are sad. trust me. i was ten and my 12 year old cuz died. i wasnt supposed to go up to the cascet, my mom absolutely forbid me. but i ran up there. and i cried. its just the emotion at funerals.

p.s.- if you dont look sad or cry at a funeral, people will just think your stupid. or careless, selfish.

Answer 8

It is perfectly acceptable to cry at a funeral. Go ahead and let the tears flow. Your cousin is wrong. His heart is in the right place, though.

Answer 9

cry if you feel like it. i do all the time(at funerals). sometimes it doesnt have to be about the person who passed, but sometimes i would cry from life stress period. nobody knew the difference, but i cry regardless at funerals. they are just so sad, even though your supposed to be celebrating their transition to Heavan. i even cried at a funeral of a person i didnt even know but i had to go cause my mom took me.

Answer 10

Your 14 your friend died.. sorry to hear that.. go ahead cry. if someone says not to just punch em and cry.