I want to become a fantasy writer, can you read this mini chapter and tell me how I can improve on my writing?

Question

I am new to the art of writing and this is my first attempt, I want to become a fantasy writer but it will take a lot of practice, so please read this minichapter and please point out the mistakes and tell me if its plain boring, its the only way I'll get better at writing

here is the link, view the blog entry THE HOUSE OF ROSES

http://360.yahoo.com/profile-C0HaOCw0Y6PfL.wG15RZltr0lhpAHQ--

You guys are great!! Already I've learnt so much, I can see all the things you pointed out, the things I can change, Thanks!!

Answer 1

well, to start with, you are a good writer and there is great potential here.

BUT

you are WAY too descriptive. a lot of your adjectives seem excessive. they don't really need to be there, you are just trying to create a clear picture, which you do very successfully, but it's not interesting enough.

while you are busy describing things, nothing is happening, and there is nothing exciting to draw the reader in. after all, the fun of fantasy is that it's full of excitement, right?

it starts off like a lot of my mornings, just looking around, but things are pretty slow and the temptation to just forget the whole thing and go back to sleep is strong. the first interesting thing that happens is you mention the demonic sacrifice of maidens. sounds intriguing, but then you're back to talking about a girl who even seems a bit bored herself. you should grab your readers and draw them in fast, or else you will lose them fast.

if you want to see this done really well try reading some H.G. Wells; maybe the Time Machine or War of the Worlds. he was the master at having extremely clear and vivid descriptions that are very tight and don't waste any time. he could put you right in the scene very fast and then before you know it there's action all over the place.

keep writing. if this is your first attempt you are way ahead of the game. you are clearly already a writer. just try to make it more exciting.

Answer 2

It's not bad, but I can already tell you that the descriptions are boring the heck out of me. The first two paragraphs are just telling me what things look like. I get introduced to a woman in this first chapter, but I can't tell what kind of woman she is. I wanted to hear more about her time fighting, not about the types of clothes she wears or what wood her doors are made of.

Maybe you can focus on describing things, but in a way that shows characterization. Maybe the character putting on her many rings makes her feel heavy with responsibility, or maybe she puts on certain clothes to cover scars from her fighting years?

All in all, I think the story can definitely go somewhere, but the story doesn't begin in an interesting enough way.

Try to write the chapter again, but without using any adjectives that aren't important to the story. Only include silky sheets if the silky sheets make the character feel a certain way, or if they cause her to do something, or remind her of something. If you're just describing things without giving them a purpose, it's hard for the reader to understand why they need to know so many details.

If you're really interested, here's a wonderful article written by a famous author, about how to begin a story.

http://www.hatrack.com/writingclass/lessons/1998-10-29.shtml

He has examples of all his drafts of the beginning of a really great book. Even he couldn't do it right the first time, and he had written many, many books before, so don't be discouraged. :) I wish you luck!

Answer 3

I'm not a fan of fantasy, but you used excellent descriptives and painted a very vivid picture in my mind. I agree with the other comment, you tend to be repetitive in the beginning, perhaps use a thesaurus. Regardless, I was very impressed, and if this is your first attempt as you say, I would guess you have a very bright future in writing. Don't get discouraged.

Answer 4

First let me say I like it, you have great potential. On the critical side let me say, you tend to repeat words and over describe others. I am by no means an author, but I rewrote some of your opening paragraph the way I would write it, so maybe you could see it from another side. Hope it helps, I would love to read more!!!


The sweet scent of blood red roses filled Joanes waking moments. Swallowed in the black silk sheets of her bed she felt warm, safe, at home. Rising slowly she let a silken nightgown fall over her head. Cold floors bit at her bare feet as she opened the balcony doors and welcomed in the sun.

Answer 5

Why not upload your work onto a writer's site where published and amateur writers will read, critique, and help you get your story/novel ship shape.

Sky-Tribe is a science fiction and fantasy writer's network and it's free to join.

Answer 6

i think you have done a very good job and i hope that you will definitely increase and enhance your vocabulary by reading some interesting stories and a proper dictionary also.otherise,i think that you can really become a fantasy writer by applying more hard work in your work!

Answer 7

So far ,so good.I see a few grammar mistakes so you will need somebody to proof-read your work. I'm not much for fantasy, but I do encourage you to keep writing. Good job!!!