How do I make myself stop figting with my husband and try to leave him?

Question

I dated my now husband for 5 months and we've been married for 8 months. We are happy and get along for the most time - like normal families do, BUT once a week, ever since we got married, we woudl get into a fight. Regardless how small the issue is, I decide that we are not compatible and I want to break up and leave. I met him right after I broke up with my ex of 3.5 yeas, and I suppose I feel like I had a better connection with my ex and when we fight I keep comparing them. I really want this marriage work. What should I do to stop this idiotic behaviour. I am 42 and I should know better. I know... therapy.. but I need some advice. He really loves me , I love him too. We are very different in our level of education and upbringing and circumstances. I like to read, he woudln't read, he would rather watch TV, I have a grown up child in college, he has an 8 years old. But we do get along and I love talking to him and he is the most loving caring man I have ever met.

Answer 1

You have not been together nor have you known each other long enough to really know anything about one another. It takes time to get to know the real person that is your mate. When you feel like arguing, count to 10 before you say anything, then if it isn't something that makes a difference, don't say anything argumentative. Listen to what is said, and chalk it up to learning something about your mate. At your age, you are both fairly set in your ways and it will take much time and understanding to bring your individuality into a oneness. Discuss your concerns with your mate and see if he has a reasonable suggestion to limit the arguing. Having differences of opinion and differences in how you perceive and do things is normal. How those differences and perceptions fit into your relationship should be discussed, adapted to, and even celebrated.

Answer 2

I wouldn't throw in the towel just yet. I know it upsets you to fight once a week. But even healthy relationships have there ups and down its part of the course. You mention all the loving things he is and how much you do still love him and care for him. So don't be so quick to run.

Try talking to him and clearing the air. its probably growing pains you both are new to marriage with each other and your getting use to each other's flaws or characteristics. doesn't mean either of you are wrong. You just stepped out of rythem.

So he likes to watch tv you rather read. work that to you advantage. Sometimes everyone needs time on there own with there own thoughts or hobbies. Let him do his thing nothing wrong with his way and you go off and soak in the tub and have a good read or go out to your garden and relax out there. Its healthy for couples to have different interests to a certain degree.

Also find an area that you both can enjoy and work on that together that will keep you both feeling your connecting at the same time keeps the love focused on each other and your commitment.

Good luck

Answer 3

Look, you need to learn self control. If everyone did whatever they wanted to do without any thoughts of consequences, what would this world be like. Self control, self respect, and self discipline are characteristics that will guide you well in life. If you can't resist temptation, then you will suffer a life of agony. I assume as you are now, wrestling with your conscience about what you have done already. You know, everyone may wonder or even think about someone else in their life. It is natural. It is our biological urge to populate the world. It is ingrained into our instincts as animals. Has been since man first walked the earth. Fortunately we as human beings have been able to conquer and adapt, thus allowing us to control urges which would lead us to a path of self destruction in a civilized society. Keep you pants zipped, your eyes to yourself, and project an air of being unapproachable. Quit looking for the acceptance of other men. Be a woman of character and dignity. Tell this other guy to get over it, and that you were weak then, but have the spine now. End it, and quit playing games. If you don't want to cheat, don't do it. It's that simple. Think about your husband, and how the two of you can get that romantic spark going again together so your needs and wants are met at home. Focus your energy on that. When I think about dirty thoughts, I think about my wife. Why? because that's where my thoughts should be, and because we enjoy all the benefits of a loving, rewarding relationship. It's time you experienced that too.

Answer 4

You're right, you need to talk to a counselor to find out why you are trying to sabotage your happiness. My g/f does the same sort of thing, no matter how petty the argument I can be assured that before it ends she will say its over. It seems to be a protection mode, that she'll end it before I leave her and she won't hurt so much. I'm not like that at all, I will fight then talk it out and come to some conclusion. Ending the relationship is never an option. Get some help to put your demons to rest before you do something stupid. He sounds like a good guy and their just aren't many around like that.

Answer 5

It sounds like deep down you know the relationship isn't working for you. When you fight you are letting these out these subconcious thoughts. Try to examine what it is about your husband that you don't like. That is probably the issue. You may have your heart set on being with a certain type of man and your husband does not match up to what you want. When you fight your subconcious is trying to get you to deal with this internal conflict to resolve the issue. Yes it's not healthy. But you have to admit you are not happy.

Answer 6

the first thing i saw wrong here was "I decided that we are not compatiable" ......"I" can not decide for "WE" ....You are making decisions for his life without him even knowing......You are right you should know better. I assume from the kids ages that there is a good difference between your age and his. BUT, you knew this going into this relationship, right? I don't mean sound to like i am being mean to you but what i am hearing is you have to be in control. You are making decisions for both of you. When does he get the chance to decide? What if he wantshis marriage to work? after all you did say that he loves you.
Talk to him before you decide it is over. Alot of marriages can be saved if we let the other person talk and have feelings as well as ourselves.
Good Luck to you----to you both!

Answer 7

MARRIAGE IS FULL OF COMPROMISES...you have to learn to bite your tongue...and think things through. I used to get furious at the things my husband would tell me about...then i started realizing...he is just talking...he never follows through with what he says he wants to do...and i let it go in one ear & out another. (just dont let him know that) & the one thing I know my husband hates more then anything is the silent treatment....if he say's things you dont like, dont say anything. Pretty soon he'll be sweatin it and try to make things better.

I have the same situation with my husband- were different, we'll God brings people in our lives that we have the most to learn from, that goes both ways. Pain comes from growth. sometimes all you can do is look up and ask God to show you what is is your supposed to be learning here or show me why I fell in love with this man and be silent & listen for the answer!

Answer 8

it sound like you both really did not know each other before
you marry and now that come out, that the problem when
you do something that might be wonderful in the beginning
but you have to deal with the fact that it not all that now.
i would get some counseling to deal with what going on.
but 5 months, that not a long time to know someone.

Answer 9

WELL SOUND LIKE THIS POOR CHUM WAS A REBOUND SINCE U MARRIED HIM RIGHT AFTER U BROKE UP WITH YOUR EX. SHEEEEESH I FEEL SORRY FOR THIS GUY
JUST DUMP HIM AND GET IT OVER WITH COS THIS MARRIAGE IS NOT GOING TO LAST. I SUSPECT U ARE THE TYPE OF GIRL WHO SLEEPS AROUND AND IS CONSTANTLY LOOKING FOR A MAN TO TAKE CARE OF U COS U ARE TOO LAZY TO WORK FOR YOURSELF. GET OFF THE INTERNET AND LOOKIN FOR MEN AND FIND A GOOD JOB AND I BET IF U STARTED BRINGIN HOME SOME BACON AND PROVIDING YOUR CURRENT HUSBAND WITH SOME GOOD ORAL LOVING YOU COULD SQUEEZE ANOTHER YEAR OUT OF THE MARRIAGE.

Answer 10

Then why leave him...Work it out. My husband and I divorced and remarried. How did we do it? We were reminded that marriage is not a contract that we can just break, its a convenant. We focus more on the other than ourselves. We pray together and pray for our marriage. We go out on a date weekly. We just work at making our marriage the best it can be. You can do it.