Since I have been divorced my ex husband rarely makes child support payments. Most of the time he avoids going to work by claiming an injury and going on medical leave. He travels with his fiancee on several vacations throughout the year and has two automobiles. When he does work his employer sends less than half what the court ordered. I do well financially. Ex wants to start a new business venture. He claims the child support back payments are showing up on his credit report. Now ex will have a hard time getting a loan for business. Last year I waived many thousands of dollars in back child support to keep him out of jail. Now he wants me to waive many more thousands to keep his credit clean and him out of jail. Ex spends very little time with kids and seldomly calls them. I am still very close with his mother and sister and do not want to upset them. Any advice on keeping the peace and avoiding a fight with my ex over child support payments this time?
2007-06-21 18:05:20 · 10 answers · asked by Starting Over 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like if you give in again this time you will be setting yourself up for more and more of this same situation in the future.
Personally I think that his kids and his credit is his responsibility to maintain.
You care for your children and you care for your credit without much if any support from him.
It is time for him to step up to the plate, put his big boy pants on and deal with a situation of his own making.
Turn it over to the DA and let them be the "bad guy". If the support payments are garnished from his wages then his employer will be held accountable if they do not send the entire amount. I doubt they will want to put their buisiness and reputation on the line for him.
It is really too bad that he is having difficulty getting a loan to start his own buisiness but the reality of the situation is not only that this is his own personal hole that he has dug for himself but also if he becomes self employed he will have even more ability to hide his income and continue the path that he is already going down and not pay to support his children.
His mother and sister are surely aware of his actions and his continued disrespect for you and his children. I am sure that they have seen this same behavior in him for many years.
Either they will support you in your decision to let him be held accountable or they will enable him by paying off his back support for him.
Realize that avoiding a fight with him may very well not be possible at all. Try to look at it as fighting for what is in your childrens best interest. The money that you may let slide could very well be the college education that if you don't fight for them they may not be able to afford.
If a total stranger stole money from you that was meant to support your children you would fight for your kids interests right?
Hang in there and be strong. Remember he is a grown up and has made grown up decisions to shirk his duties not only as a father but as a responsible man.
2007-06-21 18:20:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I answered your last question on this - and if I remember correctly, she COULDN'T re-finance the car due to her credit - so regardless if it was "court ordered" or not (which you didn't say in your last question) if she can't get financing she can't get it. He purchased the car with her when they were together, there are some residual issues that sometimes come with marrying someone who has been married previously. Since there is absolutely NOTHING that can be done about the car loan except ride it out - that is a subject you need to drop. Her picking up the kids at your house has nothing to do with him and the car loan. That is a seperate issue in their divorce/custody decree. Good parents, don't live and breathe by their court orders and realize that sometimes exceptions need to be made - and adjust. So what she was an hour late - it happens. What would you rather have happen? The two of them at each other's throats and fighting over every single minute? Police involved? Back to court every other month? C'mon - be reasonable...and be careful what you wish for. The blockbuster account - again, grow up. I suggested you get a netflicks account and not use the blockbuster account if it bugs you that much. She probably rents movies for the kids. Simple solution to a problem that irritates you - don't get why you are still harping on it. The school supplies, again, we covered the fact that there are expenses above and beyond child support when it comes to kids. It was your husband's choice to make gifts of the supplies to his kids - what is with you? Angry he doesn't put you first, spend 200 bucks on you? You married a man with children - what you are stating here - is just what happens. It doesn't make your husband a wimp, it makes him a good father that puts his kids comfort before anything else - he tries to keep things peaceful so that the kids aren't put in the middle of a bad situation. You either have to accept who you married, and what he stands for when it comes to family - or get out. He is not going to change - and he shouldn't for the sake of his kids. All you think about are dollars and cents - and nothing about how the kids would feel if things became hostile between the parents. Kinda makes you look a bit materialistic and sad to say, heartless. I wish more parents out there put their kids first over everything - including their pride, when in divorce situations - the children of this world would benefit greatly.
2016-04-01 11:07:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is what it is. If he's not fullfililng his obligations, then HE needs to make adjsutments...it's not up to you to make it right for him. Yes, I can understand trying to keep the peace, but these are your children.
I'd speak with an attorney. If he's not being honest (which is sounds like he's not), then there are things you can do with legal help to set things straight. You can't always be the good guy...especially with ex husbands (I'm sorry to say).
You don't have to involve his family and friends with all of this...keep it to yourself. Don't even discuss this with your children...the less they know the better.
From my own experience, I was patient and understanding (our problem wasn't money, it was with custody issues), until I realized I was being taken advantage of. When I did discover the truth, I simply let him know that we were going to follow the COURT APPOINTED DECISIONS and if he had a problem with it, then we could simply take it to court. He didn't want to do that...so things progressed the way they were supposed to after that. Be nice, but firm.
Ask yourself...what would HE do if the tables were turned? That's the question my attorney, family and friends all posed to me...
Good luck. :)
2007-06-21 18:19:18 · answer #3 · answered by Concerned Parent 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The sad thing here is that he spends little time with his kids. That's to his shame and his loss.
Praise God for providing for you and your children. What a sweet heart you have - your children are fortunate to have you as a mother.
The bible teaches against court cases and suggest it would be better to just be wronged and go on.
It is not worth the anguish and risk of a root of bitterness growing up in your heart. May God bless you for being a peacemaker.
2007-06-21 18:48:01 · answer #4 · answered by Joy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Avoid talking about him to his mom and sister. As far as he is concerned...to hell with him and put his butt in jail!~ Stop trying to be nice, he will keep getting away with not paying so long as you let him. you did not have those kids on your own therefore you should not be the only one supporting them. I promise you will feel 10 times better on the day he has to face the music.
2007-06-22 04:44:28 · answer #5 · answered by stacilynn26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Child support isn't yours...it is your CHILDRENS' so it isn't for you to say what he owes and what he doesn't owe. That money is money for your kids...the kids he helped produce.
He knows his obligations. If you waive that back support, you will be rescuing him once again. He needs to learn to take responsbility for his actions and stop having people rescue him all the time. You are NOT responsible for his back child support. You are NOT responsible for his bad credit. You are NOT responsible for his financial burdens or endeavors.
Tell him if he wants to clean up his credit, then start living up to his obligations and pay what he owes.
2007-06-21 18:11:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Do what's right for your children, that's what child support is supposed to be about. If you keep rescuing him, your kids will get the message that its ok for them to be treated like dirt by their father. However, if this isn't money you need, demand he set up a college fund that you handle and make regular payments to it.
2007-06-21 18:11:47 · answer #7 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
you are a better person then i am,trust me he would be in
jail right now. he is not doing nothing for the kids. so he
would get any chance to live his life, he has a responsibility
to his kids. time for him to be a man, and handle his business
i would not do anything for him. your kids come first.
2007-06-21 18:19:56 · answer #8 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put the deadbeat in Jail and move on.
2007-06-21 18:09:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You keep giving him chances, and he will keep on asking for them.
This suppot is for your children. Do what is right for them, not him.
2007-06-21 18:11:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋