i am very unhappy and bored to death with my marriage life now.?

Question

i have two kids and been married for 8 years now.my hubby has two jobs night as a musician and day managing a music store.i am a stay home mom since the first baby.i was earning very well during my working days.for the past few years i have been very bored with my life.we used to have many fights and argument to the extend i decided to end the marriage but cos of the my children i hang on till today. we don't fight or argue anymore in fact i tried to make up and changed any of my weak points and asked him to compromise too but onlly 10%. obviously our love and sex life had decreased , but i tend to get used to it by now..........probaly i don't care anymore.i have no one to help to take care of my kids so i could find a job.to leave fully to a maid *** nanny with the kids is unbearable so means impossible for me to get a job. my point is yet i am so bored with my life now but theres nothing i could do not untill the kids are grown. i am sad and i need to hear your opinion

Answer 1

I have been married almost 11 year, and I have stayed because of my kids too. Sometimes, I just want out. And, then I wonder if I would ever do it. I know it would really hurt him, and my kids. So, hence, it's almost 11 years.

I am not happy with him. He is not mean. There is just no spark left at all. Life is too short to not have a spark. And, really, I wouldn't care if he dated someone else.

I also don't leave because I make a lot more than him, and I am afraid he will take me for everything I have. I worry about that a lot.

So, I understand boredom and no spark. And, yes it leads to depression. I am too!

I mean, are we doing the right thing? Do we sacrifice our happiness and peace of mind so our kids grow up in one home? Maybe I'll ask that and see what people say.

Good Luck to you. I am sorry that you are sad. There's more of us out here for what it's worth to you.

Answer 2

this is a common thing that happens to mothers i wish more mom's would say how they really feel about their lives , used, trapped, tired, being a mom gets build up as wonderful selfless rewarding job you should bake cookies kiss boo boo's the reality is it's really really really demanding and hard!. Most men have not a clue at how much it takes from a person to do all the mom duties it's a da-mn drag. I'm a momma to 11 year old 9 year old 6 month old al i ever do is care for their needs. I hate when people say you chose to have em grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Yeah i wanted them but, that don't mean everything is sunshine and rainbows. We give up ourselfs to be our kids mothers way it is not gonna change either all moms have these issues. I make sure I have my hubby watch the kids at least 2x a week even if for just a hour i go somewhere alone he knows if i don't get my time the whole house falls apart you have to do whatever possible to get time for yourself you'll go NUTS if you don't. YOUR LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT when your a full time mom THAT'S YOUR LIFE those saying otherwise have never never never spent weeks on end changing diapers cooking lunck diner cleaning trapped in a house with several kids they to would lose it at some point,

Answer 3

awwww...It is undoubtedly a tough phase. There are several issue you are facing for sure. But nothing you can not tackle. You just need to motivate yourself to change your situation not accept it.
If your kids are old enough why dont you find a Nanny? You can pay for her by getting a part time job. Try and do something near your house so that you are not too far away even if it is a small job you will get rid of the monotonous lifestyle and it will keep you busy and out of your husbands hair. Try and spark up your sex life with ur hubby. take interest in what he wears and u wear and cook and do small things that remind you both of your happy days earlier. Some financial help may also ease his stress as u said he is doing 2 jobs that must wear out all the fun from his life too.

Answer 4

It's easy to give opinions, but until
one has been put into a similar
type of a situation, one can not
possibly understand the heartache
and depression something like this
can create !!
I can only suggest a hobby.... everyone
enjoys something. Maybe painting...
puzzles.... knitting..... take an 'on-line'
class ( or classes...especially if you're
possibly planning to leave later ).
But fine some thing that you might enjoy...
even if it's just for a while !!
Best of luck !!
PS: if you need to just yak...give a shout !!

Answer 5

How old are your kids?

Perhaps you could just have them one day a week at a pre-school or a day-care, so that you have a day just for you.
You probably ressent a bit your husband because no matter what, he cannot imagine the amount of emotional commitment there is by taking care of two young children.

If you have just a breathing me-time once a week, you'll feel much better about yourself.

In the long run, you will go back to work, but in the meantime, you need to enjoy yourself and your kids.

Answer 6

Your husband is a workaholic (and probably thinks that he is bringing home the bacon and that should be good enough to make you happy) You have got to find a life for yourself. Attend adult education classes in an activity you have always wanted to try. Through trial and error you will hit upon something that will also net you (girl) friends with like interest. Immediately your life will feel more worthwhile. (Don't even think about divorce, although you should keep on the bc, divorce only multiplies the problems)

Answer 7

Maybe you should just focus on enjoying your kids and making that your life. Start doing fun things and going fun places. if your marriage is in the boring phase just ride it out and keep your feelings on the table without making it a everyday discussion. Discuss it with your hubby once a week and leave it at 20 minutes. If you can add excitement to your life with your husband, than do it on your own, find things to do that are good and fulfilling. No affairs!

Answer 8

I think you have lost perspective which is pretty common when you have little kids at home and don't have that much outside contact. I am also hearing that it is not so much him that you are upset with but yourself. If you do something to be a better person everyday, and widen your circle of friends a bit maybe you will feel better. I hope so. If you start caring more, maybe he will too.

Answer 9

There are all kinds of things that you AND your kids can to together. You could some volunteering, go to libraries, zoos, make a garden together, ....go swimming, JUST GET OUT. Find a hobby...find something that you are interested in. Work from home...do something on the computer. Make your own website selling something. Sell on E-bay. There are TONS of things you could do. As Nike would say...Just Do It!!!!

Answer 10

Have you ever tried prayer? I know it's possible that that sounds too simple and maybe even cheesy, but I can tell you firsthand that it works. WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, prayer works.
Begin asking the Lord to change your husband's heart in the way that HE wants to. I would say to pray for his heart to change in the way that YOU want, but sometimes our judgement can become clouded when emotions are involved.
In addition to praying for change in your husband, you need to continue to be open to changing the filth in your own heart. Whatever bitterness and resentment you have toward him will need to be healed with prayer, as well. Ask the Lord to also give you a huge portion of forgiveness for all of the things your husband has done to hurt you and push you away, and begin to act it out in your every day life with him.
I will not guarantee that you'll see the results you would like IMMEDIATELY. However, I do guarantee that you WILL see results at some point.
In fact, I think that it's possible that at the very first sign of YOU changing your own heart, and changing the way you act toward your husband--in other words, changing the lack of passion and interest you have toward him, and instead
showing an active interest in the things he's doing, along with romancing him in small ways--the romance that's been gone for so long may very well come back 100 times stronger than it was before! Wouldn't that be exciting? :) It's a matter of faith, really. Believing in what you can't see is incredibly powerful. So imagine that just by your faith alone, your entire marriage could be restored to how it once was (and even better than that)!!
I know it sounds "too good to be true". But honest-to-goodness, humor me and just try it out for 6 months. You have nothing to lose, right?
In Malachi 3:10-13, the Lord says, "Test me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the Lord Almighty. "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the Lord Almighty."
This is my challenge for you today--even if you don't know how to pray, or even what to request of the Lord, talk to Him anyway. Talk to Him just like you would talk to someone right next to you, and let Him know how you're feeling. Do it when there's no one around so that you have complete freedom to say whatever you want (believe me, He already knows what's on your heart anyway...He just wants to hear it from your mouth). Ask Him to change things in your marriage, and watch how He will slowly answer that prayer, over and above what you could EVER expect for you and your husband. The Lord HIGHLY honors people who want to keep their marriages in tact.
I will be in prayer for you tonight.