I need some advice. I have been married to my wife for 5 years now. We haven't exactly had the best relationship but seem to have managed for the most part. I am a soldier and have been deployed for 2 years of the 5 (and deployed right now too) After a huge fight with my wife and her parents, I went out with every intention to drive my car off a cliff. My wife tried to talk me out of it but to no avail. She then had her friend (who I was somewhat attracted to) call me and she managed to calm me down. I met her the next day at a cafe and the situation burst into chaos. Long story short. Me and her friend have fallen for each other and really want to be together. But at the same time I still care for my wife. I realise she isn't a bad person, she's just not the right person. How do I break it to her and what should I do? The other woman wants me to end it soon but I don't want a disaster! (more than what has already happened that is). Please help me!!
2007-06-21 15:34:50 · 11 answers · asked by fiestacarsrule 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK I guess the long story short was a bad idea. It got me judged and chided by ppl who no doubt live perfect lives and have never done any thing wrong in their entire existance. But these folks need to remember who they are talking to. I am not a drama king and the girl who was my wife's friend is not a skank or a slut! I am a real person with a real problem who also happens to be one of the defenders of your freedom! So show some F@CKING respect! Or I may just come by to collect your F@#$ng head! (aimed at those who judged me) Here are a few more details. My wife refused to go back to the states with me (relevance to her being italian) and will not bear me a child. I sacrificed everything to stay with her (in italy) and even lost much respect from my brothers in arms when I did. We fight all the time and there seems to be no end to it in sight. The girl I want to be with is all the things my wife isn't. Passionate, wants children, wants to move to the states... does that help any?
2007-06-21 17:11:07 · update #1
Another detail of this is that the other girl and I had no intention of this happening. We met for coffee because we both needed to talk. I had recently returned from Afghanistan to an unhappy home and she had recently lost her father. We talked for hours and then out of no where ended up kissing. Afterward we felt bad about it and even told my wife about it. But for some reason things just kept pushing us back into each other. And I couldn't stop thinking about her and just how easy it was to communicate with her. And I came to find out she felt the same. Now it's just a mess.
2007-06-21 17:18:03 · update #2
Honestly speaking, you have to accept the fact there is no easy way out and definitely no happy ending. As to your wife, you have to expect this is more than just cheating on your part, it is also a betrayal of a good or very good friend. A double stab in the back and it will hurt her like hell if she is not strong enough, it might kill her and make her do something so fatal to herself that in the end you will regret. And to your so called new love, ask yourself, will she be a better partner than your wife of 5 years? Everything is always smooth at the beginning of the relationship. Do you know her well enough to guarantee yourself that you will have a better life than your previous marriage? There is no fast and easy break up for you on this one, you have to tell your wife straight but carefully that you're leaving her. Focus your reason or reasons for leaving on your failed relationship. Do not use or even mention her friend as the reason or excuse for leaving her. That way, the conversation will just revolve around you, your wife and your marriage. Also it will be less painful for her enabling her to cope with the reality and partial truth that your leaving her because of bad marriage. The second truth about you and her friend will come later. The best you can do is give time for her to accept the reality of you leaving for irreconciliable differences. This is why I told you this will not be a fast breakup. The other truth wll be how you tell her about you and her friend which for me is better left alone for awhile. It is better if she find that out from somebody else not from you and not from her friend either. Because if you tell her you left her and that there's somebody else. She will use that person and you for the failed marriage and it will never end there. It will be more disastrous for all parties concerned. If she ever find out about you and her friend later, time would have pass already and that will be good in dealing with her about you and her riend. She would have been able by that time to accept the reality of you leaving her regardless of the reason behind it. It will easier explaining to her that you and her friend didn't cheat behind her back and that the relationship only started when your marriage have failed. If she confront you with her friend being there, it will better for her to see for herself the truth in front of her. But that all I can say to you, it is not going to easy much more peaceful. But then again, it is the truth that matters and how you say it. Goodluck!
2007-06-21 16:35:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-05 16:41:24 · answer #2 · answered by Alexandra 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You will be committing adultery if you go with this other woman. You have free will to commit the sin of adultery, but you can not decide the consequences. You are already start ing to pay some of them now. So you didn't mean your wedding vows when you said them? For better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer until DEATH do us part. It wasn't until another woman comes along.
You need to get away from this other woman and get back to your wife. You need to do what ever it takes to make your marriage better. Let your own wife intoxicate you. The marriage bed shall not be defiled. You are dancing on very dangerous ground. Run! Run back to your wife, now.
2007-06-21 15:42:10 · answer #3 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Help you?
Go see your JAG and file the divorce papers. Do your wife a favor and get it over with as quickly as possible so that she can find a real man, not some immature drama king with an eye to cheating.
2007-06-21 15:55:03 · answer #4 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, I don't know why you mentioned that your wife is Italian. It seems irrelevant.
You made vows. Work at your marriage. You had a fight so fix things. It sounds to me like you are looking for excuses to have an affair. Sorry, Sparky, there are no excuses for cheating. None whatsoever.
2007-06-21 15:43:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is called polygamy and is illegal in all of europe. The prison sentence changes from country to country but is usually between 5 and 20 years! Get a divorce first!
2016-04-01 10:57:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your wife now that it is over. Tell your wife that you are leaving her for her so-called slutty friend.
Leaving your wife is one thing, but leaving her for a woman, who pretends to be your wife's friend, while sleeping with you is a big mistake. Face it, your wife's friend is a skank who will probably cheat on you with another of her friends husband. Which she probably will.
2007-06-21 16:36:17 · answer #7 · answered by bookgal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You got married, made vows, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for better or worse... SO AS SOON AS A LITTLE BIT OF WORSE COMES ALONG INSTEAD OF GETTING CLOSER TO YOUR WIFE YOU BAIL!!! what a man... ( this is to the girl that he is trying to leave his wife for... How do you know he won't do it to you?) MY ADVICE IS WORK ON YOUR MARRIAGE AND LEAVE YOUR WIFE'S FRIEND ALONE!!!! WHAT DID YOU THINK MARRIAGE WAS GOING TO BE A BREEZE? ITS HARD WORK!!!
2007-06-21 15:44:37 · answer #8 · answered by Jayden Ryan's Mommy :) 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is go for marriage counseling and call it off with this backstabbing "friend". Stop ALL contact with this other gal. This other woman is NOT a woman of integrity, so don't expect her to be faithful to you. As the old saying goes, if she'll do it with you, she'll do it TO you.
2007-06-21 15:41:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
no one likes to be made a fool of.
be a big boy and end it for her sake to don't waist anymore of her time.she deserves just like you to be with someone who loves her.tell her that you want her to be happy and loved and that's why its best to end it with her before you and the other one get caught.it will be easier for her to deal with if you end it with her first.she will at least be able to have some dignity instead of finding out you are cheating.
2007-06-21 15:41:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋