OK, so my wife quit her perfectly good job because she said her boss was an ***. Now we are late on all our bills. Everytime I come home she is sitting down and the apartment if filthy. Laundry hasn't been done, dishes are piling up. She says shes looking for a job but hasn't done anything. It angers me so much to know that she just sits at home and lives off my hard work. We have no kids, so she absolutley does nothing all day. She sleeps untill 1 or 2pm every day and WILL NOT go out and get a job. Everytime I ask her about it she gets all defensive and complains about how hard it is to get a job around here, but in all reality, she hasn't been trying. Is she just using me for my money or is she just plain lazy?
2007-06-21 15:22:17 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
she also gets angry with me when I try and clean the apartment myself and says "i hate it when you do that". I dont say anything back, I just take a big breath and walk away. I don't want to confront her about this the wrong way, I don't want her to get on the defensive again
2007-06-21 15:27:32 · update #1
i havent confronted her about it in a hateful way at all. I don't call her lazy and dont call her dirty. She's my wife and I'm always offering my help. I just don't like it when she says "oh im looking hard" when I am 120% positive she hasn't been looking at all.
2007-06-21 15:48:11 · update #2
I am a single parent ..but not by choice ..but by God's...so i have lived the family life for over 6 yrs..I am only 25..I work full time and keep my house clean ...a duty as a wife is to take care of the house ..especially if she doesnt work..my fiance worked 12 hrs straight ...and he worked sometimes without a day off.. ..i got up at 6 in the mornin b4 our son got up and then started cleaning and to keep the bills down i left all the windows up so i didnt run the ac..then around lunch i would take our son outside and i would do yard work ...like mowin, burnin the trash,rakin..ext..to take the slack off of him..then jump in the pool with my son..and a hour b4 he got home i would turn the ac on and take our son inside and start supper and then i would go to work..because i was raised as a bit of a country gal..I feel as a duty as a wife...because a lot of women in small towns dont make as much as a man..that a wife should take some pull around the house..u should jump her case..u didnt give up the single life just to spoil her..a relationship is respect and consideration towards one another...she needs to wake up and realize that ....now i work atleast 9 to 10 hrs a day come home and take care of things around my dad's house and help take care of him and do things with my son...and clean...i may get 4 to 6 hrs of sleep ...a woman should never b a slob..and should always take care of her man..if she wants to keep him...and the situation goes vise versa...u need to have a serous talk with this girl...she seems to be very lazy and what if yall do have children ..how are they gonna b raised while ur at work....
2007-06-21 15:51:26 · answer #1 · answered by lil country gal 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So your wife quit a job because her boss treated her badly, and you think it was "a perfectly good job"? So obviously she didn't have your support when she quit, and she doesn't have your support now. Do you accuse her of just being after YOUR money, like you did here? Do you call her lazy, dirty? Maybe all those factors have made her depressed.
Losing a job is in the top ten factors causing extreme stress, and guess what? Instead of helping her through it, you say that she did the wrong thing, and has to get another straight away, because you don't want to do with less, and her feelings don't count!
Have you even asked her - gently - if there is something she needs help with? Do you ask her how she's feeling, or what's wrong? You say she hasn't been trying. Have you asked her why? Maybe she's afraid of rejection, or finding another *** for a boss? Do you want to help her, or just get her back to work?
You're married so why aren't you offering her more support?
Maybe if your attitude changed, she'd feel better about it too.
2007-06-21 22:43:22 · answer #2 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
to start let me tell you that i've been looking for a job for the past two months... it is hard.. i do not agree on her throwing a fit because of her boss and quiting her job. it is very immature and irresponsible. I do clean the house and cook and all that because it is my job as a wife and it gives me something to do. i think you need to talk to her again but try to approach her differently. ask her how not having a job makes her feel? (remember, women are about emotions and feelings) let her know your concerns. Don't say you are living off my money.. that is just wrong! just say that you are worry about your stability as a family, you are a team and there has to be a team effort from both sides. She is hurting both of you with this situation. Tell her you understand that finding a job is hard (even if you don't) and ask her if there is anything you can help her to find a job. you guys need her paycheck and unfortunately you did not plan ahead and are not prepare to be in this situation. She needs to step up to the plate and start really looking for a job, find different websties and places to look for jobs. Tell her your concerns about the family, just ask her what she does while you are not home (not as naggin, just as being interested, so you can get a little background)
2007-06-21 22:32:31 · answer #3 · answered by Ale 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I doubt she's using you, but she is being lazy! Speaking as a woman, if she gets defensive when you bring up the issue (which is a valid one that deserves discussion) it's because she knows what you're saying is true. If she aint working and she's home all day, then the house should be clean. Not trying to hear that. She may be a bit depressed--she may regret quitting or just not know where to turn. Perhaps you should speak to her about that. But she has to snap back into reality. I know what it's like to be the primary bill payer--it's not easy! If she doesn't like to hear what you've got to say: Tough. You're paying the bills and if anything else you deserve to come home to a clean house.
2007-06-21 22:35:17 · answer #4 · answered by monkey 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would understand if you guys had kids and if she cleaned and cooked and you guys where stable but even if you guys had kids and the bills where filthy then she needs to get a job, im a stay at home mom and i cook,clean and take care of my daughter but my husband is ok with it because he has a good paying job but if i would off seen him strugle with the bills i would find a job as soon as possible i dont want my family going tru that talk to her maybe she has problems like depresion or something.
2007-06-21 22:36:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is suffering from depression. when a woman lets the laundry and house work pile up and does nothing all day it is usually due to depression. You need to find out if she really quit her job or maybe she was laid off and is too embarassed to tell you or her pride might be hurt. Try to be understanding. Also if she quit her job she might have done it out of anger and now she deeply regrets it. Try to have a heart to heart with her in a loving way. good luck.
2007-06-21 22:59:41 · answer #6 · answered by leapyrangels 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I really think you both need to sit down and talk and just check with her that there no other problem lying beneath the surface which is making her feel so down. If not then come out and state that other housewives who do not go out and work in the workforce, help out in the relationship by doing the house work and cooking the meals, as its called being a team player and that she's letting you down by not playing her part. Cheers and good luck.
2007-06-21 23:06:00 · answer #7 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Definitely get couples counseling. This might seem kinda off-topic, but could she possibly have depression...? Sometimes this causes people to not want to go out and work, or even get out of bed for that matter. Perhaps if she has other symptoms, she should talk to her doctor? This is just a possibility that maybe no one else would mention....
2007-06-21 22:33:42 · answer #8 · answered by Mary S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
ok yea we know looking for a job is difficult and yes she may be looking in the ads all day.. but that doesnt mean that you cant clean the place up... be straight up and talk to her... explain to her that you are not trying to bully her around or anything that you're willing to help... a marriage is about working things out together right?.. help her out by loooking for a job while she picks the house up.. or vice versa..
2007-06-21 23:05:42 · answer #9 · answered by jena 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well are you sure she doesnt clean, cook or get groceries or anything? If she is she is making SOME contributoin and yoju might be pissing her off by acting like your the only one doing something. if thats not the case then it sounds like she is lazy and probably having some depression preventing her from getting a job
2007-06-22 00:09:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋