Help with a psycho x wife.?

Question

My husband was divorced when I met him. His x is a total witch. She kicked him out, they have 2 daughters, and now we have one together. She is ALWAYS trying to stir the pot and cause trouble, and just behaves nasty at all times. I take excellent loving care of their girls when they are here, and my husband is an examplary husband. But that doesn't stop her from constantly leaving him nasty stupid messages wich are totally off base and usually 100% untrue. Always accusing him of not being a good dad..... blah blah blah. How do we deal with this jealous petty vindictive witch? I just don't want her crap to affect me, I want to be a 'duck' and let it roll off my back. But easier said than done.

We aren't perfect, of course! But we are good parents and have a happy marriage. I know he came with baggage, and yes he's worth it, but I had NO IDEA what a psycho witch this woman could be. It's honestly so bizarre because we have nothing to do with her at all costs, but she always finds some reason to contact my husband and give him hell for something. Surely the girls play both sides and tell some fibs on both ends - we know that. But this woman is so petty and so pathetically interested in what goes on in our home that she's clearly unstable. She's engaged to some guy she's dated for 7 years now - we still don't know what she threated him with to marry her. LOL

Answer 1

Honestly I believe that it is simply jealously.....of your happiness with her x. She probably is not, even though she is with this other guy. Eventually it will catch up to her, and unfortunately she will see her self in her kids, and so will you. kids learn from what they see. Unfortunately they are in the middle of all this, trying to make you and dad happy, and trying to keep their mom happy and not stir any stink, so to speak. This is a matter for the husband and not you....you just remain happy and loving to his children, and it will turn out fine....I hope

Answer 2

Well, I'd say block her calls, but you can't do that since there are children involved. You don't deal with the jealous, petty, vindictive witch though, you let your husband deal with the mother of his children. If she calls, don't even answer the phone if your husband isn't home. Turn down the volume on the answering machine, so you won't even hear the message, then tell your husband when he gets home that there's a message from her. You hit it right on the head though, you need to be a "duck" and let it just roll off your back, and you're also right, it's MUCH easier said than done. Count to 10, breathe deep, do all those self-calming exercises you read about. Just don't get involved with her. Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

She will eventually stop for the most part. My step dad's ex wife was the same way. She always made my sister cry. It's hard for a while, but eventually she will taper off and give it a rest. There is no use in fighting her, you are doing the best thing now, just being a good parent. There is nothing else she can do besides talk. Perhaps block her number from the house phone and just let her call your husband so your children do not mistakenly hear the messages like we did with my sister's mom. I promise, over a few years she will leave you alone.

Answer 4

When you say "psycho" do you mean that she is mentally ill? If that is so, my answer would have been different. I am assuming that you are just using 'psycho' as an expression. I live in Taiwan, and as an aside if you pronounce psycho with two syllables it means "sh*t pants" in Chinese. However, I'm not writing to joke about a serious issue.

It's a sad fact that this woman will be part of your life for as long as you are married to her ex-husband. She is, after all, the mother of the two girls for whom you are now responsible. It is important, for the sake of the girls themselves, for them to have a positive orientation towards here.

Ann Landers (or Dear Abby one or the other) said it best a few years ago, when someone complained about what a terrible person her mother was (drunk, abusive, etc). The answer impressed me. "You owe your parents love, and if you can't give them that you owe them pity."

It seems clear to me that this person does not respect the boundaries of your family--a very common non-custodial parent situation. You don't have to talk to her just because she phones. It is against the law to use a phone to harass people--and you can complain to your phone company about that. The can block numbers from certain people, or even take her phone away if it's bad enough.

If using the phone to rattle your cage is the extent of how she's bugging you, I have answered your question.

Just remember to put the needs of those two girls ahead of your own, and post again if she uses any means other than the phone to bug you.

Answer 5

I can SO relate to what you are saying because my husband has an ex from hell as well, only they were never married. What she is doing to you guys is harrassment and I think your best decision is to contact the police and make them aware of the messages she is leaving etc. There is no reason for her to be leaving such messages like that and trust me, the police will tell her to knock it off. Some people really need to just grow up.

Answer 6

I know this isn't going to help with her but Whatever you do, don't say anything to the kids or around them about their mama. They probably hear enough from her about things they shouldn't. I know it's really hard but the kids will know what kind of person their dad is. If you record what she is saying you may have some legal ground to fall back on if she is really bad. Don't block her calls though 'cause that would stop the kids from calling also.If something to the kids, she has to have a way to get in touch.

Answer 7

I know what you mean. My husbands ex is the same way. You need to record those messeges and play them for a judge. She will get in trouble for that. There should be a part in the divorce about not making obscene phone calls. If there is you can get her for not following the judges orders. Even if its not in the papers I would record thier conversations that way you can put a legal stop to it. Make sure she knows she is being recorded. Its useless if she dont know. Just knowing the fact that she is being recorded might put a stop to it.

Answer 8

Start taping her messages and keeping them for evidence and then tell her next time she leaves a message like that, your going to charge her with harrassment, let her know that your serious about this and that she is way out of line to be speaking this way in your home, even if it is on the phone, (this is your home to, you have a say, let her know your not going to tolerate the way she speaks about your husband in your home) That might help stop those phone calls. She's got a nerve!!

Answer 9

My advice is to stay out of it. I know you and your husband have a new life together but he does have history with her and you can't get rid of her completely since there are children involved. However, I think that it will make everyone get over conflicts faster if "the new woman" can't be blamed for causing additional problems (by his ex). Just worry about your children and let your husband deal with her.

Answer 10

i cant believe how much alike this woman is to my brothers x,because his x was a bi**h too,she would throw anything and everything at my brother whenever she had a hair across her @$$ which was all the time.she would also pick fights with the kids! she once dislocated her then 5 year olds arm by pulling him off the porch.she once attacked my brother in his sleep with a high healed shoe! nice broad eh?now that hes happily married to a beautiful woman shes become a jealous little creep. she hates his new wife! good you witch,ya got what you deserved.