A new poem... looking for constructive critisism...?

Question

I want to feel
Your loving arms
Around me.

I wish I had
The words to say
My feelings

I hope to show
Just how much I
Really care.

I'd love to say
How sorry I
Truly am.

I wish that I
Could take it back;
All that pain

I've often thought
That I should just
Go back home

But then again
I love you so
Incredibly

I wish it could
Be easier
To tell you

I love you with
All my heart- I'm
Yours to keep

I am all yours
Body, mind, and
Even soul.

I want you to
Know that I can
Be true to you

And that is why
I can tell the
Others no.

I've often sat
And thought about
Our dear love.

Baby I love
You so very
Very much

_____________________________

I know I need to work on the ending, but so far, what do you think?

Answer 1

It seems sweet and sincere. However, "Your Loving Arms" is already a song, so you might want to change that bit. Here's a video of it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uumzs4ghM7Q

I agree that the ending needs a little work; in particular, avoid saying "baby." Fine in a song, but awkward in a poem, in general.

Keep writing!

Answer 2

Take the work above and put it into letter form
Dear (Name)
I want to feel your loving arms around me. I wish I had the words to say (tell) my feelings. I hope to show just how much I really care., etc.

You will see that this is a letter, not a poem. Poems don't have to rhyme, but they need meter, imagery, and other poetic devices. Your "poem" has none of these. What you've done is write a letter in verse form.

Answer 3

great fake juggs/implants, no, they do no longer seem to be genuine, eye coloration ought to in all likelihood be fake contacts as precise yet i'm doubtful, needs a clean hair sort from all that bleaching, hair is astonishing & skinny & appears like this is breaking off, dumb tramp stamp tattoo needs to circulate or be lined up. don't know ways previous she is although the magnificent age to precise universal greater helpful. basically seems alot older than i might think of of she could be. no person is finding if she's a good man or woman, i grew to become asked to cost her seems & i'm being person-friendly.

Answer 4

Elaine really captured the essence of ur effort. This is not a poem, it is a letter. And it could be a beautiful letter formatted as she suggests. Poetry has more....imagery, similes, metaphores, and so forth. What you have written is fairly straightforward. Not a poem.

Answer 5

passionate, emotional, love poem