As my family will view it negatively. What can I do to satisfy myself? I am stuck with this man for life. He is sick now and it's makes it even more tempting?
I was a virgin when I married. I am unhappy BUT CANNOT divorce? Why doesn't anyone understand that I need another boyfriend?
2007-06-21 13:12:53 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He cheated on me once with a lady from a night club!!
2007-06-21 13:13:32 · update #1
Zero has a point. Your going to have to stop worrying about others. And do what is best for yourself. In this case a divorce.
2007-06-21 13:21:51 · answer #1 · answered by Sunset 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The question is not why can you not get a divorce, the question is why do you want one? Did the cheating bother you or did you just throw it in there to get an excuse?
Family is family and they will understand and stand by your side, unless you have other reasons. Did you jump into this marriage too fast, how long have you been married, are children involved, there are way too many questions to just jump at one answer.
Who you are, what you want, and how you have lived your life all play an important role. If you made the decision to marry this man in a moment without thinking, then you are paying for your own mistake. But if he was your dream man and things crumbled, then you might want to re-think your life. And what kind of illness does he have, STD, a cold, cancer? You have to make sure that his illness is not the reason you want to leave.
2007-06-21 13:35:10 · answer #2 · answered by dear_vern 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your question begs for a simple answer.
"Who cares if your family will view it negatively? Consider your own needs!"
I solve a lot of problems in my own life by asking the question "to whom is the duty?" Sometimes, usually, but not necessarily always, the duty is to yourself. At the end of the day, we are on our own, and nobody will put your needs ahead of his or her own--at least not consistently and not in a healthy way.
However, your question is not as simple as it first seems, and you raise huge issues.
1. Safety. You might just as well have posted something to the effect that "I am horny and relatively sexually inexperienced. I also have a husband, but don't worry about him because he's sick. If you would like to have sex with me, please answer and pretend that you feel sorry me. I am so vulnerable right now that I will accept your sexual advance."
Ask yourself the question "What kind of a man would want a married girlfriend whose husband is sick? I'm no saint, but my conscience would get the better of me in that situation and I would refuse you--as would many decent and fair-minded men.
THE ONLY MEN WHO WILL RESPOND TO YOU ARE LOSERS AND PREDATORS. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT.
Do you want a boyfriend just for sex? You are wide open for STD's and abuse--to say nothing of pregnancy depending on your age.
2. Husband's health. Your husband is ill. Do you have a duty to care for him, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live? I'm not preaching, I'm asking. He has enough on his plate as it is, being sick and all, without you adding infidelity while he is helplessly in a sickbed. You must decide if you love him enough to stay with him, and only you can make that decision. Not me, not anyone else who answers. Not your parents or other family members.
3. Yourself. Are you putting too much energy into pleasing your family? You are so adamant that you cannot divorce, yet the disappointment of your family is the only concern you raise. How much anger is there at your husband? It is natural and normal to feel angry when someone's illness affects your life--it's what you do with the anger when you feel it.
I am not advising whether you should divorce or not. All I'm saying is that you ought to be making that decision from a position of strength and confidence. Maybe that is a position that will only come after you get some counseling over this over--and the other personal issues that I think lie beneath your specific question.
You are trying your best to be happy in your life, but a "quick and dirty' boyfriend is not the answer. You need either to patch things up with your husband and love him and stay with him, or cut yourself loose to pour your love and devotion on to a new husband--and get it back. That is no less than what you deserve--and what God wants for you.
2007-06-21 13:40:34 · answer #3 · answered by Pagan Dan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get a divorce first! Who cares what your family thinks or says. tell them to stay out of your life. If you cheat, you will be a horrible person. how would you like it if your husband cheated on you when you are sick?? That is so terrible... I honestly do not understand why you even bothered to get married to him. You're selfish, and you don't deserve to be with anyone! Have enough respect for your husband to divorce him first!
2007-06-21 13:18:54 · answer #4 · answered by engineer46526 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obviously you are looking for other people to tell you that you should cheat, and since you are just going to keep asking until you get the answer that you want, just go cheat. Why do you care if I think you're a bad wife? By the way, if your family frowns on divorce how do they feel about cheating wives? why does their opinion on divorce matter, but not cheating? You would rather lie to everyone in your life than get divorced?
2007-06-21 13:17:58 · answer #5 · answered by zeroambition 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I do not understand why anyone would remain in marriage like this one - despite what their families might think...
I know that this is a cultural thing - but as an outsider, it just doesn't make sense to me. Why would your own family want you to be miserable? Especially if your husband is going as far as disrespecting you (and the marriage itself) by fooling around?
If he is cheating on you, and you can't get divorced - then start cheating on HIM! Go out for a night on the town every chance you can, and start making yourself "available". If he won't change, then force him to!
2007-06-21 13:20:07 · answer #6 · answered by kr_toronto 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why is the opinion of your family important? Is it not your life to lead as you deem appropriate? I would avoid the extra-marital situation as that will not be helpful, but if you need to get the divorce, make you decision and go for it.
Best of Luck to You.
~
2007-06-21 13:17:52 · answer #7 · answered by fitzovich 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are heartless and you should be ashamed on yourself the one this that you could have divorced him for you didn't and now that he is sick you want to leave him then you should be made to stay with him you don't need another boyfriend you should be there for your husband in his time of need.
2007-06-21 13:23:43 · answer #8 · answered by heavenlli_61 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Would your family want you to be unhappy? But then again you say he is ill, and you want to dump him like last weeks trash? How would you feel if he did that to you? Try going to counseling.
2007-06-21 13:19:00 · answer #9 · answered by Mama~peapod 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋