I have been married for 26 yrs and I am attracted to a co worker.?

Question

We have four children, three are adults. I do not believe in divorce. My spouse and I do not have a very good relationship. We have not been sexually active for a few years. A co worker has shown interest in me. At first I said no because I am married. He was very sweet and backed right off. But now I can't seem to think about anything else. I'm even having trouble sleeping. I think I might want to have an affair but I am afraid. I wouldn't know how to approach him on it. I love being around this man. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

Listen, it's normal for everyone to feel unappreciated after being in a long-term relationship. The butterflies and sweaty palms we felt so long ago seem so distant.....right¨?

You are a human being, and what you are feeling for this coworker is simply the thrill of feeling younger and still able to attract other males...
But you have to be careful and really think things over, because throwing your entire married life away over an affair is NOT the way to go, sweetie! Ï mean, think about your kids...Adults or not... they would freak out if they found out their beloved mom is playing around...and not with dad !!!

If this has gotten to the point where you are having trouble sleeping, then it's best you get help ASAP ! Go to counseling or therapy so you can better understand what is going on...The better you know yourself- both your strong points and your weak ones- the better equipped you will be to deal with this temptation...! And ask God to help you and guide you so you can be strong and resist the urge of contacting this man...Everybody who has affairs believes they are "in control" at the begining of it...but they end up very confused and hurting others later on...Be smart and avoid this.

Please understand you are a normal, healthy lady... You are not dead yet! But please deal with this in a healthy way- what this man makes you feel is just a fantasy, and it happens because you are not close to your husband. (If you and your husband were close and there was intimacy in your marriage, you wouldn't have noticed this guy at all....)
Good luck!

Answer 2

If you are unhappy, but do not believe in divorce then don't go and have an affair. Would you like it if your husband carried on a affair?
The only thing I could tell you is to get some couples counseling.

But if you still use your brain then you would either separate or get a divorce. If you guys don't like each other anymore and you are having fantasies about another man then you need to do what makes you happy. Just don't go and do it behind his back. That is either (A) a way to have your husband kill you (B) a way he can legally leave you and give you nothing or (C) a way to make yourself even more unhappy with your homelife

If you really want to stay with your husband that much then you need to talk to him. Let him know you are unhappy, and you have been considering having an affair. But let him know that instead of acting on a impulse you are gonna be adult about it. This can go one of three ways:
1. gives him a wake-up call, and he begins to do things to make both of you happy in the relationship
2. he could give a crap and basically ok's you having an affair (tip: get his acceptance of the affair on tape or paper to protect yourself legally)
3. He becomes enraged and leaves you.

either way you will see a change in your life and your happiness.

FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T CHEAT ON THE MAN (AT LEAST WITHOUT HIM KNOWING ABOUT IT)

Answer 3

You're asking a GREAT question here - logically, you need to separate or divorce your hubby first. However, not everything works so easily. Many religious freaks will guilt you into believing you are a whore or doing something wrong for even thinking it. Don't worry. It's completely natural to have these feelings.

If you're going to have an affair, you need to file for a divorce and begin talking to your husband about how you want things to break. That's how you will sleep at night, for better or worse. If you have an affair before all that... you need to forgive yourself, you need to know why you're doing it, and you need to be able to tell your children why you did it when they are adults. This is really hard, isn't it?

I'd file for a divorce, then get some love.

Answer 4

Don't risk 26 years...it's like throwing that much of your life away. I can definitely see how the thought of a new relationship could be tempting. It's exciting! Do you still love your husband? If he found out, how would you feel? Is your relationship worth saving? Try to think about the reasons you first got together. Thinking about those initial attractions sometimes brings those feelings to surface. You must still have love for him. How would you feel if he cheated? If the answer is fine...it may be time for a change. But, if you can generate old feelings by thinking of those first years...don't risk it! It's never too late. There are date nights, or even movies and drinks at home. Initiate a new relationship with your husband...it's not too late to bring the spark back. Email me if you want to talk. I would love to know what you decide.

Answer 5

you have a family and history with this man. that alone is hard to walk away from. your children are grown with lives of there own. I'm sure they will understand. If the love is lost let it go move on don't deprive each other of true love and happiness. I'm sure you love him but your not in love with him. which is OK. that's something you two need to discuss and go from there. Try a separation your feelings may change about divorce. As far as the co-worker goes keep him as a friend. until you are sure this is what you want. If it was meant to be things will work themselves out. You cant stop what was meant to be. God may have another plan for you.

Answer 6

Let's break down your question...with questions you should be asking yourself. What is this really about? Sex? Is your co-worker married? If he is, he isn't worth the effort. If he isn't, he doesn't respect the fact that your married.

Are you justified in your actions? Have you spoke to your husband about your feelings of loneliness, and his seemingly lack of interest? Is there a possibility that your husband feels the same as you?
You don't believe in divorce but you obviously don't believe in marriage either if you are going to have an affair. Do you see the irony in that? You can't purchase confidence, but you obviously need some. Tell your husband you are not getting the attention from him that you need. You certainly don't need a quick fix that will lead to heartache and more misery. Hope I helped.

Answer 7

Please don't do it. No matter what age your children are an affair will put a lot strain on the whole family. You may think you could get away with it but eventually someone will find out. If your kids find out they'll have resentment for you. Just get a divorce. Leave some pride and dignity to your 26 years of marriage. Then do what you gotta do. Don't stay in an unhappy marriage just because. Affairs lead to violence!

Answer 8

If you are not into getting a divorce, then you better start looking into fixing what is wrong in your marriage. The two of you in the marriage have let things slide over the years to a point the relationship is now stale.

Take the desire you are feeling for this co-worker and bring it back into your marriage.

This co-worker gave you attention, attention you are not getting at home. Work on what you need at home before you totally regret if you cross that ADULTRY line.

Answer 9

Don't....

Don't commit adultery, and most DEFINITELY Don't commit adultery with someone that works at the same place as you.

Let's just suppose you DO have an affair with this person.... everything goes great for a while... then the affair sours and you break up... now you have to work at the same place as this person, perhaps seeing them every day.....

This is why they say "Don't S*** where you eat"

If your marriage is that bad, counselling has been tried and failed, then get an attorney, and get OUT of your unhappy marriage! I didn't believe in divorce, either... until I needed one!

Answer 10

Well putting this all in writing isn't something I would have suggested. This is exactly how most affairs are "found out". You better delete any evidence of this question and see a marriage counselor right away. It's normal to want to respond to attention from another, especially when you're not getting it from your spouse....Don't do it!!! You WILL regret it, they always do. Unless you're contemplating divorce, then wait until it's final before you explore other relationships. Love and Light