My 18 year old daughter came home last Saturday (after I finally got a hold of her) drunk and late (4:00 a.m.) I have grounded her for a month. She says that I am a Pschyo and she doesn't want to live here anymore. She says that she should have her freedom and be able to come home whenever she wants to because she's an adult. She's so mad at me that she called her ESTRANGED father, whom she hated up until this happened, to come and get her. She is staying with him supposely for 4 days. She's usually a really good kid but she has this 22 year old boyfriend who thinks she should do what she wants to do. I believe he threatened to break up with her if she could not go out this weekend, (she say that has nothing to do with it). My daughter has turned into a pathological lyer. She also has ADHD, I think she may be OCD as well. This episode is just ripping my heart out. I told her dad why she was grounded, she told him I was lying. I'm losing my daughter. What do I do? Am I wrong?
2007-06-21 11:44:51 · 11 answers · asked by tlc_teach 1 in Business & Finance ➔ Personal Finance
She's your daughter. You won't lose her. Her boyfriend may lose her, your estranged husband will lose her (again) but you won't. I can tell you love her. You would be foolish to back down now. She is testing you like all children do. And an 18 year old is still a child (trust me I taugh college to 18-20 year olds and they are still kids). Just be patient and things will work themselves out. If you didn't care you wouldn't have taken the time to ask for some advise. This is about as normal as it gets in dealing with any 18 year old.
2007-06-21 11:59:47 · answer #1 · answered by Robert B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know its hard but stay tough no matter what age she is she is under your roof and needs to follow your rules. As for the boyfriend if he realy told her that then he isn't really interested in her and needs to find the door anyway. The ADHD if you think it is effecting the issue try to get her seeing someone for evaluation and medication if neccessary and if she already is it might be time to reevaluate dosage. All teens rebel to some degree if you are constant and loving hopefully one day they will realize how dumb they are being and come back. Being weak when they aren't strong enough to do what needs to be done will not help the problem at all.
Good luck
2007-06-21 11:57:40 · answer #2 · answered by tgatecrasher2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is 18 years old. I feel a month is way too long. She is legally an adult, she needs to learn to make her own decisions and learn from them. I had plenty of nights out til 4am when i was 18, made some mistakes too, but i learned from them... she may be young in your opinion but most kids her age drink, sit her down and talk to her about the drinking, and that she needs to call and be honest with you when she is drinking or if she needs a ride. a month is extreme, if she was 15 or 16 on the other hand, thats a lil young.
2007-06-21 11:57:13 · answer #3 · answered by natalie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You were right to ground her I dont like to be grounded but looking back I appreciate that my parents care about me enough to punish me. When she gets back tell her that you still love her but stay firm on your judgement you can give her the ability to redeem herself and possibly get rid of her grounding.
I wish there was more I can do to help you I am not a parent and I am only a teenager but I am thinking of what I would do if it was my daughter.
2007-06-21 12:01:02 · answer #4 · answered by Minisheetsy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm 19 and like my parents say, you live under my roof so your going to listen to my rules. Your doing what my parents would do but get even. If she has a car and its in your name, take that or cancel her insurance if under your policy. She'll understand that you care about her and that she needs you because without you, she would have nothing or not be the person she is today.
2007-06-21 11:54:00 · answer #5 · answered by Marshall 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that she is acting like a tipical teen but with adhd she is more likely to go toward the worng road just make sure she takes her meds and goes to therapy and give her some space while still keeping an eye on her. she might be vonuable to do what her boyfriend advices her to do.
2007-06-21 11:57:25 · answer #6 · answered by veronica559_1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm suggesting this from a kid's perspective:
grounding her for one month.. seemed to long i guess...
you should talk with her before giving your judgments..
in my culture, i don't know what's being grounded but since i'm in America, it's just being locked up at home... nothing hurts..
now from an Asian's perspective:
tell her that i'm from a south east asia country called Malaysia, my parents (father and mother) will beat me up until i cry and my allowance will be confiscated until i be good again doing chores and being a good son if i were to go back at 4 am being drunk..
she's all lucky being grounded than to being spanked and cut of allowances
BTW, isn't drinking at 18 illegal in US?? how come she could? that'd be a court case if she meets a police if she's in US... just remind her of her mistakes, then judge accordingly..
2007-06-21 11:56:32 · answer #7 · answered by Worried D 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Stick to your guns and don't back down. She was definitely in the wrong and you are right. As long as she is living with you and you are paying for her place to live and what she eats you have the right to discipline her. She is old enough to move out and she might but you have to let her know that as long as she is living with you she will live by your rules.
2007-06-21 11:55:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a PARENT is more important than being a friend. If she is 18, you can't legally stop her from moving out. As long as she lives in YOUR house, she has to follow your rules.
2007-06-21 12:37:55 · answer #9 · answered by STEVEN F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her if she doesn't want to follow your rules she needs to leave the house. If she doesn't have a job, its time to get one and get some responsibility. She wants to be an adult, its time for her to act like one.
2007-06-21 12:19:01 · answer #10 · answered by npwinder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋