Married ladies, I need your help. I have been feeling really down lately and I don't know what to do. My husbands work schedule and mine are different. I work M-F 8-6 and he works the afternoons T-Sat evenings. We never spend any time together anymore. I feel like he is losing interest. We have made love maybe twice in the last two months. We don't have kids, either. Every time I suggest going out, he's too tired. I suggested going out for a cup of coffee... he's too tired. I said, "A cup of coffee will cure that!" and he still wouldn't go. I don't harp on him, I am not a nag. I just want to spend time with the man I love. I want to make love. He's too tired. I just want to go somewhere together and hold hands. Maybe he's too tired to love me. I've given him space, I've given him time. Last night, I told him how I feel. We had a good talk. He said we should go out for lunch together today. So I went home to pick him up... too tired. I've had it! What do I do?
2007-06-21 11:10:08 · 14 answers · asked by Yup Yup Yuppers 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Harp. Nag. Bug the crap out of him. You are young, married and should be doing things together, especially having sex. I was married to someone like your fellow and never wanted to bother him too much. Day in, day out all I heard from him was, "Next month, next week, next year," until 23 years had passed me by. As soon as I received my legal separation, he tried to pepper me with letters proclaiming his love and wanting to travel the world. Get some counseling, either by yourself or with him. If I had it to do all over again, I would have nagged my husband until I lost my voice and gotten on with my life a lot earlier than I did.
2007-06-21 11:17:19 · answer #1 · answered by Beach Saint 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It sounds like you need to explain to him your frustrations and needs. Sit him down and tell him that you know he is tired, but in all honesty, what you have to say is more important. If you don't think he'll be willing to listen or it will start an argument. Write him and letter and put *You Need to Know* on the front. Tell him how you feel, that you understand he is putting a lot into his work but not spending time together is making you feel unwanted and unloved. Tell him that you need and want to make love more often! Ask him to come talk to you when he is up to it, but it is important and in order for your relationship to survive, it's a problem that needs to be dealt with immediately.
If he doesn't give you what you need, especially when it comes to affection and sex, it is going to cause serious problems for the two of you.
If all else fails, try to change your work schedules, although I know that if a job is a day job.. it's a day job. Period.
Best of Luck!
*One more thing that worked for me... go buy yourself a dildo. Leave it out.. and if he says anything, tell him you need a little something to stay sane. He'll get the clue!
2007-06-21 11:22:43 · answer #2 · answered by mytwocents 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, since the guy is the one that usually wants sex all the time, it could be that he's cheating on you and doesn't want it because he gets enough on the side. sorry to say that. it sounds like he doesn't want to do the things you want to do. why is he so tired? my hubby works 7 days a week and he's never too tired for me. before people start thinking i make my hubby work while i sit home and do nothing all day, i work 5 days and go with him to his other job on the weekends. he won't let me get a part time job.
anyway, try talking some more about it. if that doesn't work, go to counseling. that usually gets stuff out in the open. i hope i'm wrong about the cheating thing. good luck.
2007-06-25 08:58:14 · answer #3 · answered by raven 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is just the day to vent. I am about ready to give up or something too. I feel like there has to be more I could be doing to get pregnant. I am getting a little stressed with the charting. But I am trying to realize that it may not be accurate do to a lot of factors (the weather, the clomid, etc). I know you have been trying a lot longer than me but it will happen. Stay positive. I know it is hard. TTC has to be harder than raising a baby!! LOL!!!!! Just stay positive and vent all you want. Oh and I have 2 pregnant cousins that I see all the time(one wasn't ttc and the other only tried 2 months)!!! Best of luck and let me know what happens this cycle!!
2016-05-17 05:36:36 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you are both tired and you both have very busy schedules, but your husband has to realize that in order for you to have a marriage you actually have to spend some time together. Is there any chance he could be depressed? Sometimes people who are depressed lose energy and just become not interested in anything and just want to sit around. Suggest a walk, or watch a movie together. It doesnt have to be all out.
2007-06-21 11:14:41 · answer #5 · answered by DelinquentGurl 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
its good that you are not nagging him and that you are trying to tell him how you feel. Try a different approach, surprise him with dinner with candles or something like that. Tell him that you missed him (not in a complainy way, but in a way where he feels love and appreciated) you are doing good for trying to correct the problem before its too late. Do not give up! he loves you, you guys just have to find sometime for you both. if he is to tired to go out, then rent a movie and snuggle in bed, even if he falls asleep in the middle of the movie... its just time for you two.
2007-06-21 11:17:52 · answer #6 · answered by Ale 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well a job is how you support your life but if your life falls apart while you are both at your jobs then what was the point? You need a job that doesn't conflict with his job schedule or vice versa because in the end your marriage should be your top priority and not your job or your paycheck. Best wishes for a happy future.
2007-06-21 11:44:19 · answer #7 · answered by tallgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it was me I'd look into counseling because you seem to have exhausted all logical options.
I would tell him that you love him and that you are hurting because you miss him and things aren't changing or getting better so you would like to try some counseling with him to work on your marriage because you have had it. Don't say had it in a I'm going to divorce you way but had it in a I'm sad and miss my hubby and don't want to way. If that makes sense :).
And one tip....never say you do this or that. Never say you!! Say I feel like we or I feel like I'm not getting whatever. When a person says "you" the other person gets defensive and the conversations goes no where.
good luck
2007-06-21 11:16:26 · answer #8 · answered by The Steele's 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i understand the differnt days and times that you and your husbands can be like,i dont think he is losing interest he just wants too provide for you,is there any way you or him could change your work rota and be at home at the same times,book a holiday,you must have some days off on annual holidays like bank holidays etc,,,good luck too you and hope you guys get something worked out xxx
2007-06-21 11:18:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him your getting "tired" of being the only person in the marriage trying to make things work.....you guys are in a slump & if your not on the same page to work on things...well you already know....remind him that marriage is continued effort & hard work.....Since he never wants to do anything....ask him what the hell would he like to do!!!
Sorry but I'm fustrated for you...UGH men I tell ya.....lol
2007-06-21 11:16:40 · answer #10 · answered by Unbreakable Bia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋