Below the ocean,
Where there's love,
Lies my heart,
That shines above.
So beautiful and unique,
As we shall treat,
Love from my heart,
Is like love from me.
Love me and my heart
Shall brighten your life.
Hate me and my heart
Shall take away your life.
Love doesn't just grow on trees,
But love from my heart grows on me.
Treat me like I was your own,
But love me like I am your own.
2007-06-21 11:03:32 · 7 answers · asked by volleyballchic4liife 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
The two sets of lines that really stood out to me were:
Love from my heart,
Is like love from me.
Treat me like I was your own,
But love me like I am your own.
I found these lines especially the first set to be original and thought provoking.
This poem takes you on a journey. It was worth reading.
Thanks for writing.
2007-06-21 12:50:04 · answer #1 · answered by Todd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can rhyme. But you have to overcome cliches. For example, "love doesn't just grow on trees." Come on...
The third stanza, "Love me and my heart....shall take away your life," doesn't do it for me at all. Honestly, it doesn't make sense.
Look, we all struggle, esp. if we are young, to write. Just because the first few attempts at poetry aren't lauded, doesn't mean we don't appreciate rhyme, the helpfulness of poetry and other verbal expressions. I would encourage you to keep writing.
Keep in mind that cliches are lazy and throw off the significance of what you are trying to say. Reread your lines to make sure that, even if they make sense to you, will they make sense to anybody else?
Don't be afraid to rewrite. Keep your first, second, third (etc.) drafts. Keep reframing your experience. If you are born to write, you will be happy writing.
2007-06-25 06:16:49 · answer #2 · answered by margot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wonderful, Shakespeare himself could not have written that better.
2007-06-21 11:56:12 · answer #3 · answered by SOS 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is really beautiful. i could really get a feel for the poem...great job
2007-06-21 12:09:12 · answer #4 · answered by DonDon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
shows a lot of emotion loved it
2007-06-25 08:43:17 · answer #5 · answered by Ace of spades 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is beautifully written... I really enjoyed reading this poem you wrote.... Thanks for sharing!!! =)
2007-06-21 11:36:45 · answer #6 · answered by blueskies 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
very nice.
2007-06-21 11:52:51 · answer #7 · answered by Minty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋