i,44 and my husband 56 and i dont want kids for many reasons,financial,physical,mental......but married 4 years,he is never satisfied with anything,complaining all day long about his job,boss,my way of making money,my way of cleaning.......I really dont want kid with him and for the time being,divorce may not be my first choice,what should i do?he doesnt listen to me on everything at all. can i just pretend to keep silent all the time?
2007-06-21 11:00:27 · 14 answers · asked by Carol H 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You have very good reasons for not wanting children right now, not to mention you might want to ask him to think about the fact that he would be putting children through college at nearly age 80!
It sounds like you might want to ask him to go to couples counseling with you, you sound like you have some trouble communicating. Communication is key in every marriage.
In the end, though, if he won't listen and isn't making your marriage an equal one, there is nothing wrong with divorce, or a short separation. But regardless if he doesn't go to counseling, I would still go if I were you!
Good luck hun! If you need someone to talk to, feel free to add me!
2007-06-21 11:06:54 · answer #1 · answered by Carey_w_98 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well that sounds like a miserable marriage, and both of you sound very unhappy.
The worst possible thing you could do at this point would be to bring a child into this mess.
4 years is not very long into a marriage for it to have gotten this bad. Surely at one time you loved each other, and it can't be that long ago.
If you don't want to divorce him, which is commendable if you truly want to find a way to make the marriage work, then you probably both need to see a counselor. If he won't do that, at the very least tell him you're not willing to consider pregnancy until both of you are happier, communicating better and in a "healthy" relationship. If nothing else, that motivation should cause him to do something.
If that doesn't work, then for your own mental health sake, you should look to get out of this relationship, as it isn't healthy or productive for either of you, and the stress of a child, however much you love it, would only make your relationship with your husband worse, and it's not fair to the child to do that.
2007-06-21 11:04:33 · answer #2 · answered by whiskeyman510 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you discuss the kid thing before you married him? Did you know he was complainer before you married him? I would just listen to him and nod your head every once in a while. I would not pretend too much. I would like to suggest a book for you to read: The care and feeding of husbands by Dr. Laura
2007-06-21 11:04:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From your description of him I wonder why you married him in the first place.
Please don't bring a baby into this situation. I feel sorry for you but you chose to be in this marriage but a baby can't make that choice. A baby needs a solid loving family, not one that is on the edge of divorce.
I wish you well and hope that you will seriously consider what I've said.
2007-06-21 11:07:36 · answer #4 · answered by Sage 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but it sounds like your relationship sucks right now ... you both need to talk about these things ... they don't just stay silent and go away - that's how it gets worse ... plus it's something you should have discussed before marriage ... I would sit him down and give him a huge list of pros and cons ... ask him to come up with a list also ... and go from there ... it's going to be hard to compromise about something so big ... but you have to start somewhere ... good luck ... !
2007-06-21 11:07:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him exactly how you feel. If he does not want to react to that then you are better off by yourself. You only have one life to live and if he is making you miserable then the only suitable answer to your problems would be to sit him down and tell him that if he keeps putting pressure on you to do things you don't want to do then it's time for you to separate and take some time APART to think about things. Good Luck!
2007-06-21 11:05:15 · answer #6 · answered by Lucia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the last thing you need is to have a child with this guy.
Seek a counselor - you can't spend your relationship being silent about things that upset you. It just isn't worth it.
2007-06-21 11:03:27 · answer #7 · answered by Laquishacashaunette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your age alone should be reason enough not to have children. i'm not trying to be cruel but, as we age, the odds of having children with special needs increase. top that off with a husband who doesn't listen and you don't get along with and you've got a bad combination. try couples counseling. if it works, look into fostering or adopting an older child.
2007-06-21 11:08:24 · answer #8 · answered by racer 51 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. you need to be a person in this world too. do things that make you happy.This guy is making you miserable. why are you with him?? when the bad out weighs the good in a relationship it's time to pack up and move on.
2007-06-21 11:04:54 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel strong enough to leave (which I am sure you are) you should leave now. It is obvious that you two are not compatible and hes never going to make you happy. I feel for you, I am so sorry you have to go through this.
2007-06-21 11:04:27 · answer #10 · answered by Renesme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋