Here is my second of the day. Comments please. This is a rewrite.?

Question

Altar boy

The smell of incense still revolts,
Draging me back to the day.
Of deep dark secrets, never to be spoke,
Under threat of ridicule and pain.

An altar boy, I was one time,
My grandparents so proud.
Roman Catholics, both of them,
The priesthood, surely I'd been called.

But in the darkness of the church,
Evil lurks, with no escape.
Don't you ever tell anyone,
Not your parents, not even to God.

I knew it wrong, I was ashamed,
I tried to tell my mom.
I got no help, no sympathy,
Just punished, for my insolence.

My life's been hard, I carry this,
Just like a crown of thorns.
I speak these words, not for penance,
But to get it off my chest.

If it can happen to a boy like me,
It can happen to all the rest.
Retribution will not cure me,
Letting go, might be the best.


This is the second part of the first poem I wrote today. This is a rewrite, i made some minor changes to tone down the anger.
The priest who committed these atrocities is dead.

Answer 1

how do you do that bear you soul in such a public way i applaud your candor it must be freeing i wish you well,sometimes it takes more than rhyming words to numb the ache

Answer 2

It's so hard to let go of something that seems stronger than you through the years yes... i envy you because you said it's best to let go and i know you will try if not do it.... I'm glad you got it off your chest and can SPEAK without the ridicule that comes along from some....
Your poetry is beautiful as you already know how i feel about it... your a strong soul no matter what happens keep trying.
your poetry is amazing as i think you are as a person for having you as a friend to be by someones side would be a blessing....
I thank you Hun... for the words you put in to each other and tell it how it is....
thank you and keep your chin up again your soul is strong! :)

Answer 3

the 1st poem is thrilling. it relatively is in fact a triolet, my basically criticism would be the way it ends "it may consistently elect the flow away" i think it must be taken 2 tactics, first as a warning to guard love so as that it does not elect the flow away, yet once you communicate what the words mean as they stand on my own: "it may consistently elect the flow away" One would think of that love won't be able to be sustained. known, I do only like the poem. With the 2d poem, you took an thrilling physique of innovations suggesting "possibly sometime I won't love you" although that day isn't likely, it relatively is achievable. known the message of the poem seems very candy and heartfelt and that i'm confident your king will like it :)

Answer 4

An I'm glad that he is dead, if he wasn't I'll kill him in cold blood, maybe stabbing him while he's sleeping or decapitating him. Anyway, sorry, I love this poem, good rewrite, my undercover poet. Deep, touching, angry, and powerful. I wish I could pressence that moment that happen to you so I can kill him in a blink of an eye.

Your angel of San Juan
Marilyn

Answer 5

that was a very good poem im happy he died he deserved it i like this part of the poem ( My life's been hard, I carry this,
Just like a crown of thorns.
I speak these words, not for penance,
But to get it off my chest.) !

Answer 6

This World is a learning field for me and u Steve. there is no limit to learning and i 'd be surprised if u learnt nohing from this experience, or should i call it an encounter??

Keep climbing!!!

We will meet at the Zenith!!!

Answer 7

Re: The priest. I wish I believed in Hell so I could hope he was rotting there.

Answer 8

I like the rewrite, I'm not sure which one I like better though, they are both good.

Answer 9

I think, my dear, the last line is the best: Letting go might be the best.

Answer 10

nice poem