My wife reads these military fourms and gets this idea in her head that if I'm not talking to her then I'm cheating on her. It gets so frustating and I'm growing tired of it.
2007-06-21 09:18:17 · 30 answers · asked by Black Superman 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't.
Once a notion gets into people heads, only they can decide to remove it.
Normally, in a situation like this, I would suggest that you lean into it and make it as ridiculous as possilbe, but she sounds like this would backfire on you.
i would stay the course and just remind her that just because Staff Sgt. Baker was profiled as doing this is no proof that you do this
2007-06-21 09:31:09 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe if she spent more time with other wives through Family Services they could help alleviate some of her tension, or speak with the nearest base chaplain. But ultimately it's a test of faith which (as I am sure you're well aware) has to go both ways because there are pitfalls for everyone on both sides of the ocean. If this is your first deployment away from her, it's natural that she would be apprehensive about it; be patient with her. If you stay in the Navy long enough, she'll be an "old salt" at it soon enough. Trust grows over time as she becomes sure of the ground under her feet.
2007-06-21 09:26:06 · answer #2 · answered by Captain S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When i was in Afghanistan i contacted my wife as many times as i could. I also showed her pictures of what i do on a daily basis (without showing secret things OP SEC) If she had any question of the type of people i delt with i reassured her that there was no way that i would even think of cheating. I also reminded her that I'm in the military and cheating on your spouse can be punishable by federal law especially with another military member. If all else fails and she still thinks you cheated then she has trust issues and needs to seek a professional to help her sort things out.
2007-06-21 09:27:26 · answer #3 · answered by gentlemilitaryman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some believe that those that are overtly concerned about cheating are right for doing so, they are cheating or have done so to partners in the past.
However with that being said I don't think that's necessarily true. Tell her that if you can trust her while you are overseas not to cheat why is there an issue with you? Tell her if you interested in cheating you could, but you love her and want to be with her even if it's just in spirit while overseas.
2007-06-21 09:21:57 · answer #4 · answered by jay k 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard, but be patient with her. She's insecure, and with all the things she hears it's easy to begin to believe them.
My boyfriend is in the Marines, and I have a lot of faith in him. If anything did happen between him and another person, I am positive that he would come to me with the truth.
Just make sure you're honest with her as much as possible, about all the little things you do. It'll help her to realize you're not holding anything back. She loves you and wants to trust you, she's just scared b/c of all the things she hears. Give her some more time.
Love her, and don't get upset. Anger will make her distrust you.
2007-06-21 09:23:19 · answer #5 · answered by Lane 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just continue to tell her how much you love her and can't wait to get home to see her. IF you aren't really cheating, then just let her know that when you get back home she will see just how faithful you have been. You should have enough loving stored inside for a few weeks of fun. She will surely know then that you haven't been cheating.
I know how frustrating it can be to be accused of cheating. I live with my man, he drops me off and picks me up from work and still accuses me of cheating. Its just his guilty ***!
I try to do everything I can to reassure him that I'm not. When he lost his cell phone, I even let him take mines on a Friday night! Now no unfaithful person would do that!
2007-06-21 09:26:14 · answer #6 · answered by Queeny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well. if you've never given her resaons to believe you cheat she needs to get a grip. see if you can get her involved with other women on the base where you live. She needs support from other navy wives whose husbands are good guys and overseas.
Tell her one last time, firmly and lovingly. That's all you can do. If she chooses not to trust you... it's her problem not yours. Don't indulge her or engage her when she starts up.
Good luck ! and Stay safe!
2007-06-21 09:22:19 · answer #7 · answered by teritaur 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you can say or do will change her or her paranoid behavior. She is insecure with her self... she can only fix that. Did daddy leave her when she was young??? was she molested??? This is one of the biggest issues that a couple faces. Its not her fault if daddy left or she was molested, just give her constant reassurance, its tiring I know but if you love her help her... has she gained a lot of weight or had a baby??? you need to take all this into consideration. We are complex creatures I know but we sure are worth it huh...
2007-06-21 09:56:55 · answer #8 · answered by No Drama for this Queen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a new wife. As long as she's got it in her head you're cheating she'll never believe you. Even after you get out you'll still be screwed. Get one that loves and trusts you. Sorry to be so blunt.
2007-06-21 09:22:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been in your shoes man.
She either trusts you or she doesn't. Either you trust her or you don't.
It is so hard to be overseas, and hard in a different way to be home waiting. Be nice to each other to get throught this together.
When you talk to her, reassure her of your devotion. Don't get mad at her, she is just afraid. Tell her mushy stiff, tell her you can't wait to see her. Tell her she is beautiful. Tell her how lonesome you are--for her. Tell her the local women look like turnips in a sack. Don't mention any Hot girls around.
Tell her SHE needs to tell you the same thing.
Make your calls and mail opportunites to bring you together. You wouldn't get calls and letters if you were home, now, would you?
Marriage is HARD in the military, and separation (and infidelity) is the number 1 reason for divorce.
Tell your wife to take a class or a short vacation-something to take her mind off her worries. Encourage her to exercise-so she can work off frustrations-not her behind.
she needs to get off the forum soap operas and talk to real grown-up women who have spouses in the services.
If you have given her even the tiniest reason to worry, you need to overkill with love and affection, and don't get mad-it looks guilty.
She may need to seek counselling to learn to TRUST HERSELF to handle what life throws at her-like infidelity, death, illness, poverty, loneliness, children, in-laws, war....
2007-06-21 09:31:30 · answer #10 · answered by Lottie W 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋