how can you stop being jealous and angry at people for the lives you see them have, when yours has been?

Question

filled with, abuse, mental/physicall, hurt, trauma, pain and victimisation?
im 30 have suffered all this throughout my life, i have bpd, ive never had my needs met, never had a girlfriend, never been employed.
now i have to try and pick up the pieces of my lonely life, i wait for therapy. every night i sit in my apartment with little posessions feeling very sorry for myself.
and then i see others around me, fresh faced and vibrant, with huge grins and smiles, living their lives, getting their needs met...seems to all come easy to them, i see it when i browse, myspace profiles, watch television, gameshows,( audiences laughing and grinning) whenever im brave enough to go outside, i see happiness and fullfillment in the shopping mall...
i see all that..and i have to endure fire and brimstone and sheer mental hell and loneliness

Answer 1

There are a lot of good answers on here, can you see how many people have written caring and helpful things to you? Why do you have the ability to say everything about yourself here, but are afraid of going out into the public? There are people just as compassionate where you live as there are on here. You need to stop letting the abusers hurt you, which by still thinking the way you are essentialy you are allowing it to continue. You were inocent when they were abusing you and didn't deserve that kind of treatment. I have found it most beneficial to write it out like a letter to the people who hurt you and explain what they did and exactly how it made you feel. You don't even have to give it to them (I think it works better if you do). Writing about it will release some feelings, get out some anger, and help calm your thoughts. Before I did this I almost became obsessed with child abuse asking questions reading up on the subject and how damaging it is, then I wrote my experiences down and sent it to those people and I now have clearer thoughts, I feel less angry/hurt and don't think about it as much in general.

The only way you will stop the jealousy or anger towards other people is, you have to go out and get what you want. I believe that the anger is yourself trying to motivate you into living your own life. I have felt that anger it seems to build up until one day you can't take it anymore and finally decide to take whats rightfully yours and forget about the past it doesn't matter anymore. You couldn't do anything about it before but now its your turn, you have the power to do whatever you want and no one can stop you.

It just takes practice don't expect yourself to go out and feel completly comfortable because it wont. Give yourself a chance to adjust, take smaller steps. Do something that will help someone else maybe, if you are helping someone you can't be doing anything wrong in their eyes and they will always appreciate it and you. Plus you will get the feeling of being liked and exposure to different situations and practice dealing with other people. This will also make you feel better about yourself like you did something good and that will help build your self esteem too.

I have found it easy to fall back into a reclusive state and I have to keep getting myself to go out, or I start feeling depressed again too. Someone else said that you don't know how hard people have to work on themselves, we really cant tell how hard or easy someone else has had it, so don't assume they have had it any easier. I have known people that have judged me as someone that has it all and has it all together, but they don't know how how feel or where I came from, I just don't tell them and nobody knows. This is your life find happiness for yourself you never know what happens unless you try it and put some effort into helping yourself to feel how you want to feel.

Answer 2

I'm not sure there is an easy answer. I have heard all the cliches about god not giving one person more than he/she can handle. And that the strongest, more important people are given the hardest issues to deal with. I can identify, in a way. I have had a hard life. I have dealt with things people 3 times my age have not. I was so angry and bitter for a while. I am getting better; I don't get into fistfights anymore. I guess time heals (sometimes). I'm not going to lie to you and say things will get better; that is simplistic and not always true. Just hang in there though. Take care of yourself and try to make your life better. Work on it, like it's a job. Good things don't come easily to some of us.****sigh** I can see by many of these responses that people don't understand. I knew they wouldn't. Everybody has things that are wrong with his/her life. However, a few of us have multiple, serious problems. We are NOT victims. The things that happen to us are not of our own doing, either (ie, I'm a single mother; use birth control or an abortion). So ignore these morons who are trying to blame you. There are things that happen to us, bad things, that we cannot control. All you can do is keep going and hope it gets better.

Answer 3

Try to find your joy. What is important to you? Do that. If you cannot do that, then try to help other people. Become a volunteer. This will give you a way to interact with others doing an activity that is important. It will give you something to feel good about. Try not to focus on watching others who seem to have what you are seeking. Not just because they may not actually be as happy as you imagine, but because it makes you sad to do it.

Remember, your purpose here is to enjoy life and to help others enjoy it. If you cannot manage the first right now, work on the second.

Answer 4

I felt like that every day for 5 years and also worse. Nothing like multiple trips to he hospital mental ward to cheer you right up. I finally found a good meds mix and awesome therapist. I still sometimes live like a bitter hermit, but I've met some friends from support groups hand hang out with some crazies to go to the movies or dinner or get out of the house.

Being with other nuts takes the pressure off, cos they understand if I cancel last minute. I'm feeling more confident and starting to hang out with neighbours and some people at work.

As for their so-much-better-charmed life, lots of things aren't what they seem. People want to show their best side to the world. MySpace? What is that if not an advertisement for friends. It's a virtual billboard. People want to put their assets there. As for TV, edited and staged. Laugh Trak anyone?

You might think I was footloose and fancy-free. People have a tendency to wear masks or keep secrets until they feel comfortable in sharing. I even felt weird writing this post to you, with a fake name and possibly in another country!

Bottom, line, if you're mentally unwell, even the best birthday party in the world will end up in tears and ashes. Check out some new meds combos, and then you can dip your toe in the social pool. It takes a while. Don't give up.

Good Luck!
Amelia

Answer 5

What you're feeling is entirely normal. You wouldn't be human if you didn't wish that things had been different. Don't judge yourself for being a little jealous, do the best you can with where you are. And remember it is at least better now than it was before. Try not to judge the place you are in based on where others are (I know easier said than done) and keep in mind people often hide their troubles. They may have things going on that you know nothing about nor would you want too.

Answer 6

not everyone is as happy as you think. People who expect others to meet their needs are rarely happy. You have to be proactive. You decide whether you sit in your apartment alone or go for a walk. You decide whether you focus on what you don't have or appreciate what you do. You decide not to get a job. We can't control what happened to us as children, but we can control how we let us effect us. Take your meds for bpd and start looking at what is left for you.

Answer 7

there willl always be greater and lesser than you - do not compare yourself to others. learn to be happy right where you are with what you have. you have an apartment and you can get up and go out - go out and look at the beauty in the world and make your own happiness. besides, you do not really know what those around you are feeling - you may be amazed to know the struggles they are having... be gentle.

Answer 8

You have to stop making yourself the victim. I have had sorrows too, single mother, former abuse victim (physical/mental/sexual); you have to have hope if you want happiness. It doesn't just fall out of the sky. Its all about the attitude you keep. I'm wonderfully happy, but I'm not living with really nice things nor do I have anyone waiting for me at home, besides my four year old. My apartment isn't the nicest or most expensive. But I don't need all that to be happy. I have food, books and my daughter, thats all I need.

Answer 9

Everyone has problems in their lives, maybe some people are better at covering up their problems than others. But how is feeling sorry for yourself going to solve anything? You're just wasting your timeby sitting in your apartment and not going outside.You only live once!

Answer 10

Power of love may be able to exercise your emotional part of your innate ability. That will help you to motivate yourself and achieve whatever endeavours you may have. It is much stonger than jealousy and anger and there is always someone out there who will filled your deficiency.