Because of new child support laws and the constant battering of my ex. and the court system( jailed every other month) even though I paid the support regular as required. Do i have any avenues now, children grown up, still it wasnt right and I feel I'm not the only one, Please help.
2007-06-21 07:26:39 · 16 answers · asked by Barry B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're not the only one. I have a friend whose ex-wife's new husband adopted his daughter when she was a toddler. My friend lived in another state and paid child support, but for whatever reason, he was not able to stop the adoption process. He also continued to pay child support after the adoption took place.
Now that his daughter is an adult she is happy that her biological father is back in her life.
See if your adult children are willing to have a relationship with you now that they are adults.
Good luck.
2007-06-21 07:31:50 · answer #1 · answered by Schwinn 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your children are grown now, the only thing you can really do is try to build a relationship with them. At some point, you might be able to explain why you did what you did, but I would recommend you leave their "loving mother and stepfather" out of the explanation as much as possible. (They will resent you for it.)
Legally, you're pretty much out of luck. I don't know that a judge would grant you any sort of parental rights at this point.
Out of curiosity, after you gave them up for adoption, did you stick around or bail? Did you visit and have a regular relationship at all? Because no matter what you went through during your divorce, your children may not understand why you gave up on them if you walked away.
If you did walk, I recommend going in for one-on-one counseling before attempting to reconnect. The counselor might be able to guide you a bit or help you through some of the rejection phases.
2007-06-21 07:35:08 · answer #2 · answered by KV 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Barry you are not alone. My husband has a 14 year old son that we haven't seen since he was 18 months old. Yet, we are still required to pay support for him and keep medical insurance on him. We don't even know this boy, but my husband did not want to sign off unless he knew this was something his son wanted. So his son got on the phone and told my husband "just sign off Craig is my dad"....Craig is his ex wife's husband of 10 years. So hurtful as it was, my husband agreed to sign off any and all rights to his son. However, we tried to initialize the proceedings, yet the court in that state would not let us. She had to initiate and she won't so here we sit, 13 years later, not getting to see him and still paying child support. We hope that when his son gets old enough he will look us up. Most kids do. I think, I hope! So please don't think your alone. Your not! If your children are grown, I would try contacting them, would could it hurt? If they give you a chance, explain to them in a way they can understand. Never bad mouth your ex in front of them, it will only make things worse. On the flip side, I have two daughters who I am trying to get an ex to sign off on. So that my husband can adopt. The biological father pays no support and is not in their lives at all. By his choice has not seen these beautiful girls in 4 years. So it goes both ways. Good luck and keep the faith, it will get better!
2007-06-21 07:44:13 · answer #3 · answered by mtcmmommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a woman and me and my kids dad have been to hell and back again. Through all the drama you do get caught up to a point where you just want to throw in the towel and say to hell with this! Forget the kids, forget the family and drop it all. These are your kids! Now you want them back. But you have to now look at this from your childrens point of view. They are grown now, why would they feel as though they need you now? They have a new dad basically. It's never too late to try though. It's better to have tried and failed then to leave well enough alone. If you are willing to go through the entire process of being back in their lives, hopefully you're willing to accept their response to you. Good Luck Buddy....
2007-06-21 07:51:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you gave him up so you wouldn't be bothered by your ex then you allowed her to win. She set you up just for that. You should of never gave in because now, you have no legal rights. The only thing you can do is wait till the child is 18 and of legal age. When you confront him/her be sure not to blame or bash the mother regardless because the child will be loyal to the mother. Take the responsibility and allow the child to ask the questions and you give direct answers. Sometimes mothers play that card of making it hard for the father so that he will back off and then give up their rights. Its not fair, so to all you dads out there, no matter how tough don't make the kid suffer because mom is a bit#@
2007-06-21 07:36:37 · answer #5 · answered by 20+ years and still in-love! 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since these kids are legal age to make the choice if they even want to see you or not then it is there decision to do what they wish. This was the choice you made for your life now you must live with that choice. If you can tell these kids that you would like to get together with them and see what they have done in there lives and they are open to it so be it. Really though it may just be to hard for them to talk to you since you gave them up.
God Bless and Best Of Luck!
2007-06-21 07:32:43 · answer #6 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were paid up, then why were you jailed. This is something you have to live with now. You got what you deserved. You have a victim complex. You have to face up to your own actions for what you've done. That being said, if you realy were in that position, all you can do is hunt down the kids and explain. Chances are, if she did that to you, then she wasn't that great a mother either. After all, she took you from them. The kids might understand more than you think.
2007-06-21 07:35:05 · answer #7 · answered by spidermonkeyfingers 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you can post on an adotion website for parents looking for children. I know someone who was forced to not see his kids for seven years and now wants to have a relationship with them, but doesnt know where to start. Sometimes you can go to zabasearch.com to look up people by SS# or names. But you cant force someone to have see you if they are not ready. Sometimes its best to let things go. The message boards out there are great for finding people. But the search for names and addresses can also work. If you choose to do this write down what to say first.
2007-06-21 07:34:53 · answer #8 · answered by pegasis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to go back to court. But once you give your child up for adoption you shouldn't of had to pay child support you gave up your parenting rights. There for no child support is due to the mother or the child. You are no longer the legal guardian of your child.
2007-06-21 07:31:46 · answer #9 · answered by Mom of 3 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am not sure what has gone down in the past, but ..... you can re-enter your "children's"lives IF they want you to. Be prepared that they do NOT want you back, but there may come a time when they at least want to get to know you. Make them aware of who you are, where you are, and leave it to them to see if they move in your direction...I don't see any other choices here. I certainly hope that in the past 15 years, you have done a lot of changing, and managed to get your anger issues solved. Good luck and peace.
2007-06-21 07:35:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋