On father's day my step daughter came over and I noticed something different. They both were playing in the pool and I was making lunch, when I kept hearing my husband telling her No! I went to see what was going on and I noticed her trying to kiss her father on the mouth. She kept saying kiss me like you kiss (my name)? He got out of the pool and came inside. We talked about this strange behavior and we were wondering is this normal? Is it for attention? She has a new step- father is something going on in her home we don't know??? Or is it just a young girl loving her daddy?
2007-06-21 06:48:57 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sounds strange to me i would look into counseling for her
2007-06-21 06:54:49 · answer #1 · answered by san_ann68 6 · 3⤊ 4⤋
I think she feels she is in a competition with you for her daddy's affection. Or, if she has a new step-father she may be seeing her mother and step-father kissing a lot and thinks that is what "adults" do. She may just be trying to be an adult too, so she wants to do what she sees other adults doing. Just keep your eyes and ears open for any other behavior that might be a red flag she is being abused, but from what you are saying here it isn't the first thought I would have that abuse is what is causing her behavior. Next time she is in her father's care he might want to explain to her that "kissing on the mouth" is what husbands and wives do - not just ALL adults. That way she won't think she is being left out of the adult kissing ritual because she is just a kid.
2007-06-21 07:00:28 · answer #2 · answered by onebigfool 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like she is curious about kissing a boy and well your hubby is a guy this is something you need to talk to her about or atleast have her talk to her dad about it. She is 10 and should know that kissing a dad is fine on the cheek but the way he kisses you is for you and him only and at know time should she even request this from him. I think you need to consider taking her to a child therapist maybe this whole step-mom section of her life with you is just messed her up.
Seek some professional help for her before she starts having daddy issues in her future. LIke dating a 40yr old guy when she is 20yrs old and so forth.
Really this is normal behavior until a girl is like maybe 5-6 but 10 NO WAY!
2007-06-21 07:01:46 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think this is indicative of abuse.
When children are sexually abused, they KNOW it is not right -they feel ashamed, guilty, bad and somehow feel it is their fault. They want to keep the abuse secret & will not repeat or display it.
If her stepfather or anyone else is molesting her, the abuser would threaten or manipulate her not to tell because HE doesn't want to get caught & she is old enough, at 10yrs, to know that what takes place between herself and an abuser is wrong and abnormal.
If she were a much younger child, she might not know better and try to repeat her behavior w/another adult male, but not at her age.
I wouldn't suggest counseling -that would just embarrass her and make her feel ashamed. It is making a big deal out of something that really isn't a big deal. I agree w/the other people on here who suggest that she may be stressed, or jealous or seeking attention.
The next time it happens, you and your husband should talk to her about appropriate displays of affection between married adults & parents & children.
2007-06-21 07:32:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I kissed my dad on the lips until the day he died and I was 26, but it wasn't a passionate kiss by any means and it was how my whole family is. For her to want to do this out of the blue seems to indicate something else is going on with her. I wouldn't automatically jump to the conclusion of molestation. Kids do strange things when they are stressed and if her mom just got remarried it's a big adjustment for her. Then again there definitely is the possibility her step father or someone else has done something to her. The first step would be to talk to her mom about what she is doing and go from there. Something doesn't seem right with her.
2007-06-21 07:04:19 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
She came over so I'm guessing she lives with her mom. She said kiss me like you kiss (your name). It sounds like she's confusing affection. She see him kiss you in a certain way. She wants to feel the same attention from her father as he gives you. Maybe she feels he loves you more than her. I doubt she understands the romantic implications of how he kisses you.
Talk to her and explain the difference. Make sure she understands that although the type of affection is different that he still loves his daughter just as much as ever.
2007-06-21 07:04:56 · answer #6 · answered by JB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One of 2 issues:
1) Your step daughter is seeing you as competition for her father's affection. This is common in divorces. Nothing to worry about. Just assure her that you aren't trying to replace her mother or take her father away.
My older sister at 3 stood on a chair and told my step-father that she didn't have to like him and that he was not her father. On top of that, my sister would play matchmaker whenever my mother took her shopping. (This was even after my mom had re-married!!)
2) There could be something going on with the step-father. It is less likely, but definitely something to watch out for.
2007-06-21 07:08:07 · answer #7 · answered by Khyber6 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A 10 year old can be very infatuated with daddy. This I believe is normal. And she just wants to love up on him. Just tell her no, and maybe add, When you grow up you will have your own husband to kiss" etc. Also, be aware if she is leaving with step dad also. You said your stepdaughter so I take it she is living with mom, does mom have a boyfriend that could be molesting her?
2007-06-21 07:00:48 · answer #8 · answered by Kimberly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are sites that talk about signs of sexual abuse and give tips on how to talk to your child without being leading. you and your husband should talk to your stepdaughter and see if there are any more red flags.maybe she is just having confusing feelings about her moms new romance. maybe she is just being playful innapropriately. this will be a good opportunity for you and your husband to open the lines of communication and talk about sexual abuse and people who may do things to make her feel uncomfortable or confused and who she can tell if this is happening. once you are sure nothing has happened then let her know what is appropriate behavior between children and adults. if after talking to her you still feel that something is just not quite right then talk to a professional or if possible talk to her mother, maybe she knows where it is coming from.
2007-06-21 07:34:08 · answer #9 · answered by adelaide 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not normal at all. Get her to a counselor. You know in your gut that something is amiss or you wouldn't be thinking about it 4 days later... Something COULD be going on but don't jump to conclusions. Let a professional determine what's going on in this child's life, the sooner the better. If something is going on, this child needs your help. Do it now! Have your husband call and tell her mother what happened and demand that you all work together to get this child some help.
2007-06-21 06:58:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
For one thing, I am grown and still peck my daddy on the lips. But 10 is a little old to want to french or mature kiss her dad. My 4 year old used to laugh about TV kisses, and play at moving her head when she kissed on the cheek. It was funny at 4 , at 10 you have to wonder.You really might want to delve further into that. She is way old enough to know the difference between what is and is not appropriate behavior. And dont listen to people telling you not to kiss in front of her. It is a proven fact that loving parents have kids that grow up to have loving relationships with their own spouse.
2007-06-21 06:54:58 · answer #11 · answered by spidermonkeyfingers 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋