My Forgetful Past... Poem by RpG... Read if ya like... will you please comment?

Question

Forgetful Past

Secrets of my pounding heart
deceitful and full of anger...
bleeding the phsycotic past
shameful that it didn't vanish fast...
rewind it over and over in my head...
look at me ... how much I've bled!
to foget, ...I don't know how?
with a rusty dagger I shall stab it, but how???
stab... stab... STAB!!!
Oh how it hurts... it hurts...
why wont it just bleed?
almost like undying weeds...
stab... stab... STAB!!!
ughhh.... bring me back to sane....
AGHHH!!! look at my hands I've really gone INSANE!!!

BY *RPG

Answer 1

I liked it until the stab part; I say this to everyone, but it might be more effective to a reader if you use different words instead of stab over and over again, however when read aloud it has more effect. Make sure that you divide your lines in an effective way, example last line, 'I've really gone insane' could probably be its own line...All in all a good start; u know I love your stuff girl, keep it up! :-)

-D

Answer 2

The creation is known as free prose, yet it has little balance. There is much to know about proper punctuation used in poetry and novel alike.

An example is to never use more than one exclamation point or question mark at the end of a sentence. Each first word in a new sentence must be capitalized. The use of ellipses (the three dots that separate a train of thought) is to be used in strict format as well. Use only three dots . . . no more, no less.

Work on your spelling. Use a dictionary or a computer-installed method to catch misspelled words.

Answer 3

Ha ha...

As you said, quite different to mine...!

Nevertheless, very enjoyable albeit slighthly twisted. I've been there, several times.

It secretly appeals to my inner thespian too.

I read it aloud in a declamatory tone and it really works.

More, more, more...

D...

Answer 4

I like it. Though adding the "stab" kind of took away.