who else here thinks it's crazy?

Question

that ppl act like in all even gay relationships one has to be more feminine than other? cuz i'm bisexual and i like to dress girly every now and then and i also like to dress more like a tomboy. and i like girls who dress girlier and more tomboyish...... so why do ppl act like one has to be more feminine?

Answer 1

Now now, Sweetness, not every relationship acts like that. You're exaggerating and putting things out of context. I dress the same way I have for the last 35 years -- t shirts, smocks, henleys, jeans (and the occasional funny/silly hat) and ankle bells (except in the library, they asked me not to)
People are odd. You just have to realize this. Once you do, people also come into focus.

Answer 2

Because even in gay/bisexual/lesbian relationships people still have the misconstrued image that there has to be a male and female counterpart. It's a mental block that some people can't seem to move past. Even when the relationship is homosexual people still associate male and female characteristics, perhaps as a way to try to comprehend a relationship that is difficult for them to understand.

Answer 3

For reasons unknown a lot of people seem to need to put things they don't understand into categories. (Much like the things they do understand, but without any actual information.)
It's like trying to figure out why the round block doesn't go in the square hole.
They see two women, or men together and assume that they have to play roles in order to equivocate a heterosexual couples. (anyone remember the thing about a**-u-me?)
That we cannot have our own paths, but must walk the paths they first tread.
It's a little arrogant, that thinking. But in some very rare cases, it's genuinely innocent ignorance.
In the end, all you can do is live your way.. And let them realize (hopefully) that their ways really aren't yours.
Peace

Answer 4

I think there are a lot of visable lesbian couples that are butch/femme or butch/femme-ish, but there are also plenty of non-butch/femme couples that straight people just don't recognize as lesbians. As for men I have to ask what planet someone is from when they claim most gay male couples are masculine/feminine I've yet to see a gay male couple like that in my entire life.

Part of the problem is also that our culture is set up to hobble peoples perception of gender so that they can only easily recognize heterosexual patterns and identities based on trying to be a masculine straight man or a feminine straight woman. Its sort of like they're color blind, only its cureable.

Answer 5

Many people have such difficulty understanding what is usually considered taboo or an abomination that in order to TRY to understand it and place it into the natural order of things..it is natural to try to fit the square peg into the round hole and attempt to make it seem more "normal" so that it seems to fit (conform)to the customary pattern of everyday relationships and biological tendencies. Androgyny is not something that is often promoted since it can feel confusing or chaotic to people who are obssessive/compulsive and/or perfectionistic AKA hatebreeders. These are traits which prevent "tolerance, acceptance, open mindedness and well.....love."

Answer 6

Most of us are brought up in a heterosexual paradigm - meaning that we have one parent of each "clear" gender. And gender roles ("who does what" in a relationship based on gender) are taught to us as we grow up. So we assume that all relationships must divide roles and accompanying responsibilities in the same way that we are accustomed to.

We grow up seeing gender as manifested as either/or: you're either a girl/feminine or you're a boy/masculine. Gender is seen as "binary", consisting of two options only.

What seems to be shifting recently is the understanding that gender is actually on a continuum - a spectrum, including "androgynous" maybe in the middle. And gender isn't the same as biological sex, nor is it the same as how one might express it outwardly. For example: one might be born biologically as a girl, might express herself as a girl (stereotypically wearing make-up, dresses), yet may feel like a boy. One might be born as a boy, dress like a girl, and feel or identify as girl. These are examples of being transgender. We each get to claim what gender we are based on how we feel (usually consistent over a period of time).

Gender expression is a choice in how we... well, express our gender. Pants vs. dress, boots vs. stilettos, etc. But gender expression doesn't necessarily mean that one identifies internally with what they might be expressing outwardly. Cross-dressers could be an example.

So, the idea of the gender spectrum, biological sex, and gender expression as being independent of each other is gaining more understanding (as evidenced by a recent Newsweek edition on "Gender"), but the idea of the same-sex partnerships needing a femme and a butch to make it "right" might still remain.

People just need to learn that we're not always stuck in binaries about much of anything (including gender-pairing in relationships!). :)

Answer 7

Its an old school kind of attitude - like 1950s style . Younger folks need to put out the word that some of this stuff is ridiculous .

Answer 8

Beats me I'm just the same one day I'll be girly next I'll be a tomboy with my chains and stuff it just me. I don't know why ppl try to put everything in a group.
good luck=)-

Answer 9

because it just seems that way, if u look at a gay couple one of them is usually more feminine than the other, bisexuals...well i guess their more like u

Answer 10

Because a very high percentage of homosexual couples are simply that way. Whether it's men or women one "appears" to be more dominant than the other. A lot of that stems from the style of clothing a haircut or simply the way they carry themselves they choose to appear in a certain fashion .......It's simply what society sees, in your case that is not as common as the other.