My sister came out to me about five years ago and I'm really the only one in my family who is accepts it. My dad just kind of ignores it and doesn't really accept her relationships. My mom outright tells her she thinks it is wrong, blah blah blah. I just had a daughter and I am leaving custody of her to my sister in my will (I feel like she has all of the same values I do, and is a much stronger person, someone who will be a great influence on my daughter if anything should happen to myself and my husband.) But I feel so bad for my sister, I know I can never understand what she is going through. She recently ended her relationship with her partner (of about five years) and she keeps talking about having kids and how she doesn't think she can. She's even mentioned that she might start dating guys. I know her well, and I know this isn't her. I don't want to overstep my boundaries, so I try to encourage her and tell her she can have kids without a significant other of either sex.
2007-06-21 06:00:42 · 19 answers · asked by new SA mama 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Any advice on what else I can do?
2007-06-21 06:01:00 · update #1
Bless you for being so supportive. I'm 20, and I'm a lesbian--most of my family is homophobic, too. I hope my sister will be like you when she gets older! (She's just 14 now, so we haven't had the big talk yet :).
The best thing you can do is exactly what you're doing: encourage her. Imagine what would be helpful for you after you went through a divorce/big break-up. You're right to not overstep your boundaries--I wouldn't make a big thing about dating or not dating guys right now. That's something she has to think about for herself. So don't give her advice there unless she specifically asks. The having kids thing can be a big thing for lesbians--often, lesbians decide not to have kids because they're worried that the kids would get bullied too much because of having parents who are lesbians. And personally, I have a lot of grief/sorrow over the fact that I can't create a child with my partner just because it isn't biologically possible. So maybe when she talks about not being able to have kids, ask her why she thinks that. That will help her think through the problem--she may be stuck in her sadness right now since she just ended a big relationship.
I think most of what she needs is just listening--it's hard to find people who are really willing to listen to stuff like that. And invite her to spend time with you and your daughter--maybe try to make her a special person in your daughter's life, like her godmother. I think that's great that you named her your daughter's guardian in case anything bad happened--I assumed you've told her that, and I bet that made her feel like you really trusted her and respected her. I know it would me. One of the few family members I have who accepts my sexuality is an aunt who has two young daughters (2 and 4 years old). Since my mother thought my sexuality would be a bad influence on my own siblings, it's been really special for me to get to be a part of my little cousins' lives. And it helps with the fact that I would love to have kids, but can't right now since I'm in the middle of school. A special thing I do to be a part of their life is I buy a lot of their clothes since I love shopping and love to see how excited they get when they see what I've got them. It helps me feel like I'm part of their family, a little bit. Maybe if your sister could be involved with something like that, so she knows that she's valued in your daughter's life. That's something she could do even if she doesn't live nearby.
And don't forget to tell her you love her and that no matter what she decides to do about kids and dating, you'll always love her no matter what. Ask her if there's anything in particular you can do for her. Little things like that make a huge difference, especially since the rest of the family isn't reaching out to her like that. Thanks for breaking that homophobic cycle! :)
2007-06-21 06:28:48 · answer #1 · answered by kacey 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your her sister she needs someone to help her and care for her. It should still be her decision but if you want her happiness support her 100% without boundaries. Some people are just old fashioned and dont understand what to do those kind of situations.(like your parents or even other people on this site) They believe people should be one way and that is it. But some people can not help how they feel. There are always options, just try to help her through them. better to have one by her side than none. Maybe you can find a support group for her too. Maybe a gay couple who has a kid. Good luck!!!
2007-06-21 06:08:17 · answer #2 · answered by Clara1212 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just be there for her, and keep supporting her no matter her decision. Perhaps you could show her examples of famous gays and lesbians that have had success in raising children...Melissa Etheridge comes to mind, as does Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm going to assume that you were brought up in a home that looked down upon homosexuality and did so openly, so it's a good guess that your sister has had to deal with this her whole life. She didn't choose it, it chose her.
2007-06-21 06:08:48 · answer #3 · answered by Heidi W 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
From what you have stated here, it sounds like you have pretty well covered the basics. Its difficult to change somebody's mind that has already made up their mind, so I suggest that you don't bother to try. It isn't fair to your sister or to the guys she might date that all she is trying to do is get a father for a baby. There are a lot of other ways to get a child such as artificial insemination, or adoption. With several hundred thousand orphans in the US alone, I at least recommend she try that - not for her sake, but for theirs.
2007-06-21 06:07:44 · answer #4 · answered by Paul Hxyz 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a very touchy subject for a lot of people. Parents want the best for their children and if their child is doing something out of the norm, they do tend to reject it. I would just continue to be there for your sister. There isn't much changing you can do for your parents. They are probably set in their own ways.
2007-06-21 06:08:25 · answer #5 · answered by TW Mommy 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Kudos to you for being so enlightened and caring!
Just keep doing what you're doing... Support your sister because of her merits...She appreciates it, im SURE :)
Resist your parents lack of meritousness, their tendency to cling to unaccepting, unloving ideas...
Your sis is going thru it because of her recent break-up...
She may be SERIOUSLY considering men, or she may be just rebounding, but either way... she could really use the help and love of your support...
Sounds like ur mom and dad need a kick in the pants...
How would your mom and dad react if you told them that YOU are now gay too?? lol... could you let them believe it for like a week or so to see what happens?
2007-06-21 06:12:39 · answer #6 · answered by The cat 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
encourage her to do what makes her happy. you know,there are many children in places like china that need homes.many children here too. and recently scientists have just been able to make sperm from bone marrow.(dont believe me?look it up on google or ask.com). which means in the future she could actually have a biological child.its a little far away though,i really suggest sperm donors or adoption.
2007-06-21 07:46:06 · answer #7 · answered by RainbowParrotFish 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dump your homophobe family before they disown you. You are a great sister you know that. Supporting her in this time is wonderful. I am happy for you and good luck. She does not deserve that and I appreciate you alot.
2007-06-21 08:11:41 · answer #8 · answered by A Journey 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Keep surpporting your sister. Adoption is always a great thing. Heck i'm bi, i could have a family with a guy, but i'm terrified of pain....childbirth = pain...so adoption rules!
If she is an independent person then she definatly doesn't need somone else to have children.
Just keep surpporting her.
2007-06-21 06:08:06 · answer #9 · answered by Lita 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
mothers and dads, kinfolk and faith can all play factors in how we come across the worldwide, yet as quickly as you advance sufficiently previous to think of for your self freely, then you definately can get previous it. Having a homophobic kinfolk I knew i grew to become into distinctive because of the fact i did no longer think of of the adult men as they concept I could desire to, and being Byzantine Catholic.... whoah grew to become into THAT a visit. i presumed i grew to become into damned to hell. It wasn't till i grew to become into out on my own that i ought to learn approximately issues exterior of the "container" and grew to become into waiting to return out of the closet.
2016-11-07 03:18:06 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋