We are going to scatter his ashes next week and I just feel that it is the last thing to do and I feel there is no point in keeping wearing my wedding ring. I am trying to accept that I am not married any more and he isn't coming back. I am 49 and I don't want another man, I still love my husband very much and miss him dreadfully, but I have to stop being a martyr to all of this.
2007-06-21 05:50:00 · 49 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is just a constant reminder and I jusst feel that I have to try and get over this misery which is making me ill! I know he wouldn't want me to feel this way. I am seeing a councillor in about a week's time for help. Thank you all for your kind words, keep them coming they are a huge help!
2007-06-21 06:32:19 · update #1
No Honey, it is not wrong. My previous husband died 5 years ago and after the funeral and burial I took my wedding ring off. It took some time to accept the fact that he was not coming back, but yet I had to move on for me and my daughters sake. I remarried 5 months after he died and my mother-in-law and friends thought it was way to soon after his death to remarry. I told them I had to move on and I did and I have been happily married for 6 years come August. You stated that you did not want another man and by taking off your wedding ring you will probably get offers from other men to want to go out on a date, but to answer your question, no it is not wrong to take off your wedding ring. Don't feel quilty over it and don't let people make you feel guilty.
2007-06-21 06:03:21 · answer #1 · answered by peacock 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a question that only you can answer. Everyone deals with grief a different way. If it feels right to stop wearing the ring, then by all means, take it off. Maybe now is the time to think about what his life meant and focus on doing for others. You might not "want" another man but none of us can write our own future. Turn your love for him into a love for others. Reach out to people. Let his light guide you to happiness. I promise you that's what he wants for you. Watch the signs, he will help guide you into this next phase of your life. Maybe take his ring, and yours and have them made into one new ring. One that symbolizes the life you shared with him. Use it as a reminder that each day is precious and a gift. Wear it as a reminder of the place in your heart where he will always remain. See it as a reminder of how he would want you to live on and finish the things you came here to do. Take your sadness and turn it into something beautiful. I hope this helps. Hugggggggggg
2007-06-21 06:06:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If that is what you feel is right for you then go ahead and remove it, every one feels differently about packing things away that were so important when the person you love dies. Removing the ring doesnt mean you love him any the less and if it is a constant reminder of your loss then it will always hurt and make it harder for you to carry on. Nothing will make you forget him and taking of the ring that was a symbol of his love for you will not mean you have forgotten him. You do what you feel is right for you and dont worry about anyone elses opinion, you have got to be in that situation to know how it feels. Im sure your husband would say do as your heart dictates.
2007-06-21 06:21:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I guess that it isnt wrong persay, but I am surprised. To me it would be a symbol of a undying love at this point. Yes, in a way you do need to accept that he is gone, but you need to do that in time. Is taking off the last and most important piece of evidence that you truly loved this man really gonna help erase the pain and help you heal quicker? I dont think so. And just because he died doesnt mean you are not married, he is and was your hubby In life, death, and soul. 3 months is no where near long enough to heal unless you stopped loving him long ago. Besides you havent even really begun if you are just now getting around to spreading is ashes, technically he isnt even in his resting place then. I guess you have to do whats right for you, but wearing that ring would mean wearing his heart if you were me, but this is your call, try to be senseable and make a good one.
2007-06-21 05:58:40 · answer #4 · answered by How can I help? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You married him til death do us part. You have parted. Treasure the memories but he is no longer here so if you want to let him go then do. I gave most of my father's clothing away around a week after he died. He did not need them. That was many years ago and I still think of him often and with happy memories. My sister wears his wedding ring my mother gave to him. We do as we feel comfortable and so should you. You are not judged by others if they are your friends or if they have an oz. of sense about how you guys got on. Go in peace.
2007-06-21 06:11:44 · answer #5 · answered by pwwatson8888 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone deal with death and the mourning process differently. You have to do what feels right to you. If you are ready go for it. Your husband would probably want you to be happy and have some closure. Many ppl have closure in different ways, and that is the whole point of having closure, is to close that chapter of the book and begin the new one. No one ever gave us instructions to life, thats the weird thing about it, we have to learn as we go. So you do what you have to and feel good about. There is nothing wrong with moving forward, it shows signs of a person being spiritually healthy. Good luck and God bless
2007-06-21 06:09:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you don't. I lost my husband after only 4 yrs of marriage (I'm 53). I thought I would die myself I missed him so much. I didn't want to be with anyone else either. Then a few months later I visited a friend of mine. I was lonely and so was he and we started spending time together. I wasn't looking for a relationship. But it found me. I stopped wearing my ring about six months after my husband died. My friend was friends with my husband as well, and that helps. Believe it or not the same thing happened with my father and now he's married.
2007-06-21 05:55:59 · answer #7 · answered by blondee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you aren't wrong. If you dont want to wear the ring then dont. If you want to keep it on, then do so. Only you know how you feel about that symbol around your finger. My mother lost my dad last month. She said shes never going to take the ring off, she knows he isn't coming back, but she said she is married to him just the same. It is a personal choice.
2007-06-21 05:53:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, of course you are not wrong, and don't listen to anyone who tells you other wise. You will get closure out taking the ring off. Sadly, this chapter in your life is over and this act will seal the deal. I am glad you are able to let go...many people arent that strong an brave- but in a situation like this- it is final, nothing you can do will bring him back..the sooner you find closure, the easier your life will be. I say let it go, this is an important tool for healing!
2007-06-21 05:57:52 · answer #9 · answered by Enchanted One 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, I am sorry to hear of your loss but am glad to hear that you are moving on. I think that it will be fine to stop wearing your ring when you feel ready to. It could even be part of the scattering ceremony, if you like. I know that you will always keep it close and dear just as your husband will always be in your heart.
Good luck with the future.
2007-06-21 05:55:37 · answer #10 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋