I have a two year old daughter, her father left us when she was one to return to his home country Brazil. He hasn't been in contact since, we have very little money although his family have sent us a bit on the odd occasion, they are not poor. I have written to ask him for money but recieved no reply. He can earn good money and i think it is terrible he hasn't sent anything for her, shall i email him again but this time giving him the ultimatum of never being allowed to see his daughter if he ever chose to in the future? i am so angry with him.
2007-06-21 05:06:42 · 22 answers · asked by Soso 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Similar things happened to me in my first marriage but now my daughter is 21, her birth father has missed out on so much, it's been his loss all the way (though it didn't always feel like that)
Although I never stopped him seeing my son (now 19) & daughter, he was unreliable & never gave me any money etc.. Luckily, they've had a great step-dad from the ages of 5 & 7. My son still sees 'the seed' but my daughter has nothing to do with him & as far as she's concerned my hubby is her Dad.
Hold on to the fact that IT IS HIS LOSS, your rewards are yet to come, be strong for your girl.
2007-06-21 05:16:45 · answer #1 · answered by ♫ ♥CC♥ ♫ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like he even cares about his daughter at all, so threatening him with not seeing her would not have much effect on him. What it may do is stir up a bees nest for you. If his family has money, they just may help him try to take your daughter away from you. Not that he wants his daughter in his life, but to spite you because you threatened him. If I was in your shoes, I'd look at my daughter and say "It's you and me, honey, against the world". And then be happy you have a beautiful daughter in this world, and forget about the creep who walked out on the both of you. He doesn't deserve any more energy from you.
2007-06-21 12:22:17 · answer #2 · answered by cynthiajean222 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd let it go... This is from someone who has "been there, done that." It is just a waste of your time and energy. The fact that he just walked out on you both, and has not contributed anything to his daughter's life since he's abandoned her speaks volumes.
It sounds as if your angry, and you have every right to be... But holding onto this anger is not going to help you or your daughter. By repeatedly requesting help from her father, you are putting yourself in a position where you will feel the sting of his abandonment all over again...
I would let him go, and focus your energy on helping yourself and your little girl. In the end he is the one who will be missing out.
2007-06-21 12:15:27 · answer #3 · answered by Mel W 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
-NO you can let him see her in this country and i think that you could just say that you will send photos etc on her progress keep the communication going and i will tell you why later on your daughter will grow up and want to know her dad or at least a bit about him if you make waves you will have a bad time later because she may want to know him anyway and you will be blamed even though it is not your fault try csa or other ways to get the money your daughter so rightly deserves say to him that she needs things and you want her to know her father even though he doesn't pay stress that she will grow up one day and that for everything he puts in towards her upkeep she later will know about this will hopefully shame him into helping if it doesn't at the very least you will know as will your daughter that mummy loves her you see believe it or not children have a sense of who gives and who doesn't be in love parental or material if he feels involved or given the chance too not just for the money he may realise his mistake and do something about it good luck
2007-06-21 15:45:33 · answer #4 · answered by Andrea B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't threaten him with never seeing his daughter -- I would simply ask that he help her as a real man would do. If you don't hear back, contact his family and request assistance from them.
Then, if nothing happens, you'll just have to deal. Some men should never be allowed to have children ... they are just not mature enough for the responsibility. Good luck.
2007-06-21 12:11:32 · answer #5 · answered by leysarob 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would certainly e mail him and copy his family after all, your daughter has to live. I would explain to him how belittled and upset you feel in having to ask him for money. I would clarify that you are only asking in order to feed and look after his daughter. Basic though it is, I would explain that your daughter has to eat EVERY day and that it is up to you as her Mum and him as her Father to make sure that she eats BEFORE either of you two do. I would stress that with this in mind, it is critical that he finds a way to make regular payments.
It may help relations with your daughters extended family if you thank them for their helping their Granddaughter when they can but I would also make the point that your daughter is not their financial responsibility, she is yours and her Fathers.
I would keep a copy of the e mail, I would seek legal help (not sure of your standing though) but I would never threaten him with not seeing his daughter. You will always find a way to feed and clothe your daughter. As she grows, she will start to ask questions about her Daddy and extended family in Brazil, she may even strive to have a relationship with him and them. She is of course entitled to know her daddy.
She will judge you (and her father) by the actions both of you take now. If you tell him that he cannot see his daughter, this is how he will justify his absence from her life and your daughter may resent you for it.
My advice is to be seen to be reasonable, let her father show by his actions, the kind of man he is. Let us hope of course that he 'steps up to the plate and proves himself a man. In the meantime, I would bombard him (and his family) with pictures of your daughter, it will make her all the more real to them.
2007-06-21 12:57:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ask for money, send some photographs of his Daughter and just a nice chatty letter, give him time to understand and contribute because he wants to. Not because he feels forced to do so. Try to build a friendship before any threats!
2007-06-21 12:18:36 · answer #7 · answered by Spiny Norman 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should contact him with your concerns of your daughter and quit worry about the money. If you ask for money every time you speak to him you don't make him want to be apart of your daughters life.
We all need money, none of us have enough, life for you will be better when you let it go that you should be receiving money b/c you had a child together, and he may come around to contribute.
2007-06-21 12:11:46 · answer #8 · answered by Karen K 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes I would email and tell him that I needed money for his daughter. No, I would not give him a ultimatum about seeing his daughter. Yes, I would file for divorce and ask for spousal and child support. Good Luck to you!
2007-06-21 12:10:39 · answer #9 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
yes i would email him he still has responcibity with your daughter
i go through the same thing at the moment
dont let him get away from being a father do what you can for the both of you
good luck xxxxx
2007-06-21 13:14:53 · answer #10 · answered by HAYLEY K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋