why is he acting so strange?

Question

i met a guy through the arranged marriage system. we would talk for 3-4 hours everyday.then one day he just stopped calling.he was in usa and i was in india. but he was suppposed to visit india to meet me and he did that.we met for a week. and after a week we have a roka or a sort of an engagement party. now he gone back to the us and again he has started to have second thoughts. he says he likes me but doesnt get the feeling. but then we have spent only a short time together. whats his problem . should i drop him, is he emotionally unstable. or should i be patient with him. this is the second time he is acting strange and flippant. i am losing my patience and my warmth for him

Answer 1

My advice: - Just forget him. Roka is just a formal ceremony in Punjabi's once both families have agreed to the alliance, the groom, with his close relatives goes to the bride's family for the formal announcement. This is an indication to the community, that the couple is spoken for and they will receive no more offers of marriage. Now this doesn't mean that such arrangement or engagement cannot break for some reasons. Here if you find that his behavior is indifferent towards you now just imagine what will be the result once you are married, with such attitude it will be very difficult for both of you to adjust. More so after your marriage once you move to his place that to not in India but USA far away from your parents & other family members the adjustment between you two in question you'll simply find yourself in a place alien with no one to listen to you or share your feelings, thus resulting in dissolution /divorce of this marriage, another suffering for you in this young age. I suggest to all young people to properly take time & judge your future life partner at ease any haste in this decision brings more miseries then happiness. My suggestion for youngsters to go in for such marriage where they choose their life partners themselves irrespective of religion, caste, creed, race, or nationalities are being criticized by few orthodox people here in yahoo answers who don't understand the bad time such couples go through who just with blind faith listen to their parents or other relatives & go in for marriage ceremonies that ultimately force them after sometime out of such a marriage & innumerous suffering in life. If you read my last question I posted in this regard it few of such people who in the name of Indian culture & tradition came out criticizing me for my encouraging such marriages in youngsters. Even some non Indians who don't understand the legal system with regards to Divorce or dissolution of marriage in India start poking their nose in the matter which I know how much a deserted spouse has to suffer to get legally divorced . Going through a marriage ceremony take not even an hour’s time but for getting divorce you require not hours or months but even years together. Its always better to make full & final judgment of the person to whom you are getting married before entering into the matrimonial alliance rather wait for years to get rid from him/her afterwards, as we say in medical terminology that precaution is always better then cure, same thing applies here too.

Answer 2

The man appears to be definitely indecisive and vacillating. While an engagement does not mean that the couple will assuredly go through marriage, it is certainly a commitment of sorts that two people will get married in the near future. A couple enters into an engagement when they are more or less sure that they are ready to marry each other. An engagement can be broken for some serious reason only and not frivolous ones.
When he went through the engagement he was supposed to be sure that you were suitable for him as his wife. He could have sought some more time to know and understand you better before being engaged. Having second thoughts after engagement is almost certainly indicative of an irresolute mind. I don't think the man is suitable for you as a husband.

Answer 3

Perhaps it's a matter of cross-cultural conflict for him.

Arranged marriage is seen as weird, eccentric, and not so good in USA and in most other western countries. If this guy tells anyone in USA that he is going to have an arranged marriage with a woman he hasn't spent that much time with. Then the people he tells it to will most likely act surprised and shocked. And very likely they will strongly disapprove of his plans to go through with this marriage to you.

When a guy spends some time in a foreign country away from his country and culture. Then very likely he will adopt some of the foreign ways of thinking and behaving.

This may be the reason why your guy sways back and forth between being warm and cold with you. It could be a tug of war in his mind between his native Indian culture and his adopted American culture.

Of course, there is another possible explanation. Perhaps he doesn't find you attractive enough for his taste in women. And that may be why he is having doubts about his relationship with you.

Either way you have to make sure that he really wants to be your husband, before you marry him. If he marries you half-heartedly. Then he won't be committed to you and to his family with you. And he won't be a good husband and father.

Answer 4

One should not have second thoughts about your life partner. So if he saying such things then he was not serious about hte whole relationship in the first place.
So it would be wiser to sit down and talk frankly without any inhibitions giving ur true feelings.
If you both agree on giving the relationship a second chance with all your heart then its fine otherwise go your separate ways.
DONT hang in the middle.......

Answer 5

Why would you get an aranged marriage. If you don't know the guy. He might have a whole other family in the US. IF you've got brains to work the internet, I'm sure you've got enough brains to figure out these things. Doesn't anyone bother to educate you on men or even relationships, family, marriage???? I don't believe this.

Answer 6

His interest in u is dwindling day by day & so he is unfit for marriage with u. Better to select a beter boy who is sweeter & interesting one who can understand the feeling of a good girl like u for long, happy , caring , responsible married life. This man cannot be consistent in loving a girl which is a MUST in a boy for serious consideration for marriage.

Answer 7

sometimes it happens after meeting the person personally the feeling of love is changed . Sometimes family also pressurize to make the situation tough whether engagement party should be delayed or not.

It would be tough for anyone to forget that person immediately but thank to God that it doesnt happen after your marriage .

Faith on God !

Answer 8

See, at first you have to be very bold. I can understand your mental condition, but try to think "my husband is not taking care of me, he is not calling me." Now what is your mental condition? Probably very bad, it will be worst when it will hapeen practically. From my personal experience I am telling you not to marry NRI, most of the cases they always loss into the world of sex in USA. They forget about our culture. They can easily proceed for divorce before you think. The most difficult dicision is marriage.Please sister, don't make any mistake. Life is not full of emotion, another part of life is logic. Try to be logical. May God bless you. Amen

Answer 9

I agree with the gentleman that stated he's in the USA where he has freedom to love who he wants and maybe it's not you. You shouldn't hold yourself out there and hope that he comes around. He more than likely has found someone else. You need to move on and quit hanging onto false hopes.

Answer 10

The answer to your question is very clear and it is in the question itself.
You started thinking more than twice whether to go with him for life.
It is really difficult to manage with a guy like him.
Pl. drop him and buy peace of mind and any cost.
Drop him, don't look back, march ahead in your journey of life and something better is awiting you to be discovered.
Wish you good luck!